“Yes, it was.” Ben’s stellar memory made him a good cop, annoying at Trivial Pursuit…and extremely dangerous to an ex-girlfriend/superhero. He’d run into Hunter and me last winter at Valhalla, after reports of strange activity on the property. He’d thought we’d simply been out partying all night, so while it wasn’t surprising he remembered Hunter’s name, it was curious, though perhaps he was just making small talk. “And yes, I still am.”
“Must be some sort of record for you. You used to say they got clingy after a while.”
Had I? She? “Well, he’s persistent.”
“And big. Where’d you meet, the Mr. Olympia contest?”
Superhero training camp, Ben. He wrapped a barbed whip around my arm, and the rest was history.
“Valhalla,” I answered, which reminded me that I needed to put in a call to Hunter to see if he’d found out anything further on his shift before we could plot out our next step. Maybe he could make some progress with the disk. I was so busy considering this that I almost missed what Ben was saying.
“-met someone too. I think.”
“What?”
He jerked his head in a short nod, a movement I knew. One that spoke volumes. He liked this girl. I leaned forward before I could stop myself. “Yeah, her name’s Rose. One of the guys convinced me to try one of those online dating things. I did it, kinda as a joke, but our profiles matched up pretty well.”
“Well…well.” That was unexpected. And…great. Healthy. It sounded like progress.
So why did I suddenly feel so abandoned?
Ben smiled sheepishly at my lengthening silence. “I know. Internet dating. Corny, huh?”
“No, it’s just…” I swallowed hard, and even though I didn’t want to hear it, asked, “What’s she like?”
“Well, I’ve only seen a photo of her so far,” he said, leaning forward eagerly. “But we’ve been talking on the computer every day for about a month, and the phone a couple of times. She likes Thai food and long walks on the beach, so we might get together and see if we have anything else in common, you know?”
I stared straight ahead, jaw clenching reflexively. I fucking liked Thai food.
“What do you think?” he finally said, clearing his throat in the lengthening silence.
“Are you asking my permission?” I asked shortly, and immediately wished I hadn’t. He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. I grimaced apologetically, but it was too late.
“You know, Olivia, for a long time I thought Jo was someone I couldn’t have. All those years she was still alive I would substitute women in my bed for her. I fought for my victims at work, substituting them for her as well. I just didn’t have the…” He was going to say balls, I could see the word forming in his mouth, and he caught himself, remembering who he thought I was.
He cleared his throat. “Anyway, when I had to get used to the idea of her really not being out there, of a world without Joanna Archer…” He let his eyes close for a long moment and whispered, “I almost died. There was no reason to keep struggling any longer. She was gone. I lost. Why bother, right? All those women…I’d be substituting them for a ghost.”
I momentarily lost the ability to breathe. That’s exactly what I felt like sometimes. Casper. “So…why bother, Ben?”
“Because Jo would want me to. She kept living and fighting and moving forward in her life. She’d want me to do the same.”
I couldn’t bring myself to affirm that or say the words move on, but I nodded because it was the right thing to do. Just a few months ago this man was on the verge of going apeshit; he’d lost his job, his hope, and was doing a good job of losing his mind. I also nodded because he was a mortal, and it was my job to protect them. Getting on with his life would certainly do that.
And I nodded because I still loved him. Ben needed something, someone, good in his life. If there was such a thing anymore. “So when are you meeting this Rose?”
“Next Saturday,” he said, expression clearing. “I thought I’d take her to dinner, then maybe the show at Valhalla? What do you think?”
For God’s sake, why did he have to ask me? I didn’t like it, and not just because I had to lie. Asking meant he cared. It meant this might be serious. “I think it sounds great,” I lied. “Just…take it slow. There’s some weird stuff going on in this town these days.”
“I know.” He nodded, shifting in his chair. “That’s one of the cases I’m working on, actually.”
I snapped to attention, frowning at that. “What do you mean?”
He balanced on the back legs of his chair, dropping his hands to his knees. He thought he was on safe territory now. “The department called me in as a consultant. They think the plague might be related to my missing persons case. He’s a scientist; his field of study was in vitro and viral replication.”
“So how’s that related to this plague?” I asked. Playing dumb was such a good strategy. I don’t know why I hadn’t realized it before.
“Well, they don’t want to say anything yet, but evidence leads them to believe the killer might be infecting the victims while having sex. He injects them with a syringe or compound that fries them from the inside out. They’re dead within hours.”
“He?” I said, letting disbelief bleed into my voice.
“Well, there’s more than one, obviously. A gang of some sort. A cult. Maybe some religious fanatics determined to smite the wicked of this world.”
“That’s just…” Wrong. Stupid. Way off. “Freaky.”
“So don’t go around kissing strangers.”
“Take your own advice,” I said a little too vehemently, and suddenly I had to get out of there. Warren had been right. I needed to stay away from Ben. He was moving on, but I was stuck and until I got unstuck, it only meant more pain for me.
“Sure,” he said after a pause, watching me fumble for my disks and bag and wallet. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Worry?” I said, standing, and tossed my hair over my shoulder as I shot him a flashy smile. “Now when have you ever known Olivia Archer to worry?”
I kissed his cheek in parting, and he held my hand until I promised to call him soon so we could get together for lunch. Then I swept out the doors, pretending to be as carefree as I looked. But I couldn’t resist one look back. And as I left the café, I saw Ben turned in his chair, watching me walk past the plate-glass window just like every other guy in the shopping center. I smiled as I waved, but let it drop after I’d turned away, still feeling Ben’s eyes pinning me from the back, like he could see through me and knew what I was thinking.
And what I was thinking was, Fuck Rose. Because no matter what he said, Ben wasn’t finished with Joanna Archer. And he knew who I really was, I thought, touching my hand where he’d caressed it. He knew it…even if he didn’t know he knew it.
26
Every person I’ve ever met believes, to a varying extent, that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is as simple as you made a bad decision, you were a dumbass, and now you’ve got to pay. Other times the reasons go deeper, and you can feel in the soft grit of your marrow that there are other, greater powers at work in life. That’s how I felt as I returned to Olivia’s apartment after my meeting with Ben. No, I hadn’t discovered anything incriminating or surprising or even useful on Olivia’s disks. But if the computer hadn’t been stolen, and I hadn’t taken Olivia’s backups to that particular coffee shop, I would’ve never run into Ben. I would’ve never heard about his involvement in the missing scientist’s case or known about his date the following Saturday.
Thus I would have never known to follow him.
I only considered this option because he was obviously so helpless. A man dependent on the police’s misinformation about a sexual virus was going on his first date with someone since his love-his one true love, dammit-had died. Someone needed to look out for him. Someone needed to protect him from what he didn’t know…not to mention this Rose woman who had contacted him out of the blue, without knowing anything more than noodles and beaches turned him on. Surprisingly, when I shared this with Hunter-and I had to; he could sense my agitation the moment I walked in the door-he agreed.