“She kicks who?” I couldn’t imagine what Karl was talking about.
“Blondi. Hitler’s German shepherd dog.”
I laughed now that it all made sense. I’d seen the dog when Hitler’s valet took her for a walk. She was a handsome animal who was friendly to most people. She got to ride in the Volkswagen Cabriolet reserved for the Reich’s leader.
Karl peeked out the blind for a moment. “Ursula and Franz are still talking. Actually, it’s more than conversation, but I don’t want to pry. They’ve known each other since they were children in Munich. They’re in love.” He propped his pillow against the wall and stretched out on the bed. His eyes sparkled in the lamplight. I felt they were looking through me, not past me, boring a hole into my soul. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable being alone in a room with an officer who seemed interested in more than conversation. “What do you think of Eva?” he asked, and then added, “Do you know who she is?”
I shook my head. “A friend of the Führer?”
“We all think she’s more than that, but most Germans don’t know who she is.”
I hesitated to answer his question about what I thought of her because I was afraid he might be a secret admirer of Hitler’s companion. I didn’t know the Captain well enough to know why he was asking me these questions. Everyone needed to be careful when they talked to an SS officer; at least that’s what I believed, particularly after what I had learned since the incident on the train. My father had said words were as precious as gold these days and should be meted out with equal care. My mother displayed a certain fervor in toeing the Party line and with it a healthy respect for saying the right things. I gave an innocuous answer. “I hadn’t heard of her before I came here. She’s pretty and wears stylish clothes that suit her well. Her jewelry seems expensive.”
Karl smirked. “She changes her outfits almost hourly, while the rest of Germany—” His face reddened and he looked away from me. For a long time, he didn’t speak. I wondered whether I should leave.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should keep my opinions to myself, but it’s hard sometimes to maintain a positive attitude the way things are going.”
“Why?” I asked. Nothing I had heard, except Ursula’s comment earlier, gave me any reason to be concerned about the war; it was odd that the Captain had brought up the issue at all.
“You don’t care for politics, do you?”
I shook my head. “Not really.”
“You can be honest with me. What we speak of will go no farther than this room.”
I studied his eyes, observed the depth of them so I might judge the truth of his words. All I saw was sincerity, but I still felt I should be guarded in my comments. “Frankly, I’m more concerned about my parents than myself. At first the war didn’t mean a lot to me, any more than it did to other girls in Berlin. We heard how the people in the East were our enemies. But now things have changed, the Allied bombings have begun and food is in short supply. Life is hard.” I looked away, afraid to ask my next question. “Are we losing the war?”
I heard him shift on the bed. When I looked again, he was sitting up, staring at me. “Are you aware your question verges on treason?”
I was astounded by his reaction. “I asked because I wanted to know. I suppose we should never speak of losing the war. You told me I could trust you. Besides, if I were a traitor, would I be the Führer’s food taster?”
He rose from the bed. “Which answer do you want? The Reich’s or the truth?”
“The truth.”
He smiled. “I was right to choose you. But you’ll have your answer later. It’ll be lights-out soon. I should escort you to your room. I’ve already taken a chance, having a woman in here.” He lifted the blind and peered out. “Ursula and Franz have disappeared.”
“I can walk by myself.”
He shrugged and offered his hand. I shook it.
“I’m not sure that coming here was a good idea,” I said, and opened the door to the dimly lit hall.
Karl touched my shoulder. “Let me take you to a movie in the Berghof. Eva picks out the films. We see them before the public does. Often we get them from America. Hitler doesn’t watch them because he thinks the Reich’s leader shouldn’t enjoy himself while the country suffers. The only films he watches are dreary repeats of his speeches, so he can learn how to be a better speaker.”
I was surprised. “That’s what he does best.”
The Captain nodded.
I thought for a moment about his offer of a movie. “I’d be happy to accept your invitation. I think Cook would allow that.”
“Of course she would.” He stood close to me as we walked down the hall. When we got to the barracks door, he bowed slightly. “I would remind you that even an SS officer is human. Good night, Fräulein Ritter.”
My heart beat a little faster as I stepped out on the practice field. Had the Captain professed an interest in me? I dared not think it. My physical attraction was no reason to trust him.
The moon had shifted higher in the sky and the temperature had dropped a few degrees. A chilly breeze stung my cheeks as I hurried back to the Berghof. The same guard who had let us out was still on duty, but another SS man stood in the shadows. As I got closer, I recognized him as the Colonel whom Cook and Ursula had warned me to stay away from. He stepped toward me and said, “May I see your pass?”
“I don’t have it with me,” I said. “I was told I wouldn’t need it.”
“You should keep it with you at all times, Fräulein Ritter,” the Colonel said. “Open your coat.”
“You know me?” I asked, and then complied with his request.
His cold hands patted down my body. Satisfied, he waved me on toward the door. “Of course.” His tone was as dark as the shadows on his face.
I returned to my empty room and got ready for bed. Franz and Ursula were obviously smitten with each other. I briefly imagined kissing Karl before I convinced myself the thought was ridiculous. I needed my job. There was no turning back now. No charming man could force me to break rules that might cost me my position, despite how “human” he might be. I thought of the SS officer who had taken the couple off the train. How human was he? Did he go home that night and make love to his wife? Did he tuck his children into bed and kiss them good night?
These thoughts swirled through my head as I tried to sleep. Was the war really going badly?
Sometime after midnight, Ursula returned to the room. She didn’t turn on the light to undress. She slipped into her nightgown, got into bed and sighed like a girl who had spent a rapturous evening with a man.
I envied her.
CHAPTER 4
My hands trembled as Cook busied herself with various mushrooms, vials and small bowls containing powders. Her thin arms hovered over the oak table. My first class in poisons occurred early one morning in a corner of the kitchen while the rest of the staff went about their business.
I had no appetite for breakfast and my stomach churned as I looked at the items laid out before me. I sat because I felt too nervous to stand.
“We will deal with four areas,” Cook began. “Mushrooms, arsenic, mercury and cyanide. We can’t possibly cover everything today, but this will be our starting point.” She pointed to the mushrooms. “One of these is safe to eat, the other isn’t. Can you tell them apart?”
Dread crept over me. I had no idea. They looked the same to me. She pointed to two white spheres that looked like puffballs. “Come now, which of these is poisonous?”
I shook my head.
“I can see we have a long way to go.” She pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and held one of the funnel-shaped mushrooms in her hand. “This is Omphalotus olearius. It grows in Europe. It’s rarely deadly, but can cause severe illness. It looks similar to Cantharellus cibarius, a Chanterelle, which grows here as the Pfifferling. It has a peppery taste.” She broke off a small piece of the Chanterelle and held it on the tip of her finger. “Go ahead. Taste it.”