"That's what you want to talk about?"
"No, but it's relevant." He looked out the window. The sky was dirty gray. Rain was coming. "I have a bad feeling about it."
She felt something twist in her gut. His sixth sense. It wasn't like him to worry about a mission. Then she understood.
"You think you might not come back."
His silence told her the answer. He'd never said anything like that before.
"Why do you keep doing this, Nick? We could leave, make a life together. Where we don't have to look over our shoulder all the time. Where no one is shooting at us."
He said, "I don't know if I can explain."
"Try me."
"You're a civilian." She started to say something. He held up his hand. "I know, that's not exactly right anymore. You've proved yourself. But you've never been in the military. You don't understand why I think the way I do."
She could feel herself getting angry. "Don't you dare patronize me. What's the military got to do with it?"
"I'm not trying to patronize you. When I say civilians don't understand, it's the truth. It's not possible if you haven't been in the service. Think about how you felt before you came into the Project. Can you say you understood what it was like to have people try their damndest to kill you, or what it felt like to kill someone? Any idea of what was necessary to stay alive?"
Selena remembered the Chinese soldier she'd shot. The first man she'd killed. She would never forget his face, the neat pattern of bloody holes across his chest. Holes she'd put there. His death had changed her.
"No."
"I was trained from day one to understand that. You never had that training. Civilians never have that training. Civilians call people like me murderers and go home and sleep in nice warm beds because people like me keep the wolves from the door."
He paused. "You asked why I keep doing it. There are a lot of wolves out there. Our enemies aren't going away any time soon. That's why."
She looked at him for a long moment. Where anger had been she felt only sadness.
"I need to know where you stand," he said. "I know it's hard for you. I don't fault you for blaming me, but we have to get past it."
"I don't blame you." She plucked at her blanket, turned away and looked out the window. "I did at first. It wasn't your fault. I should have been more savvy." She turned back to face him.
"You've been pushing me away." He paused. "Selena, I can't deal with that. It's messing up my head. I need to know if we're good or not."
He looked resigned. She'd never seen him look like that, ever.
"Something changed when I got hit," she said.
He waited.
"It scared the hell out of me. I thought I'd never walk again. I'm not sure I can keep doing this. Or if I want to."
He nodded. "I understand that. The first time I got hit, I was near the end of my tour. I almost quit. I'm glad I didn't. Hell, I wouldn't have met you."
"You'll never quit. Will you?"
"It's what I do. At least while I'm still fit enough to do it."
"And if I don't do it with you?"
"As long as I have you to come back to, it wouldn't matter. You could still work with Harker. You'd be safe. You don't have to go in the field."
And I can wait and see if you come back alive or in a box.
She said, "They're letting me out of here tomorrow."
"That's great."
"Elizabeth is putting me on a desk until I'm all the way back physically."
"See? Like I said." He smiled.
She saw that smile and she wanted to take him in her arms. But something held her back. She couldn't forget that his mistake had almost gotten her killed. She'd had faith Nick would always get it right, always be able to give her a fighting chance just by his presence, his experience. That faith was shattered.
"Give me some time."
"Selena…"
She stopped him. "It's the best I can do. Can you handle that?"
He nodded. "I guess I have to."
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
Ronnie, Nick and Lamont looked at the latest satellite pictures of the objective. Banks of missile and anti-aircraft batteries were scattered around the site. They stood out in stark contrast against ground covered with snow.
"Ogorov's been busy," Nick said.
Elizabeth was tight lipped. "Vysotsky says the installation is complete. He thinks Ogorov wants to use it against ODIN. I think he's right."
"What's ODIN?" Lamont asked.
"Our latest secret spy satellite, set to launch tomorrow. It's the most sophisticated surveillance technology on the planet."
"How does Vysotsky know about that?"
"I don't know, Nick. But he's a spy, after all. It's hard to keep a project that big under wraps. Once ODIN is operational, it will make ECHELON obsolete."
ECHELON was NSA's extensive system for capturing digital and wireless communications all over the world. It was one of the technological cornerstones of America's security, critical in a world where terrorism was the business of people with cell phones and fax machines. If ODIN was good enough to relegate ECHELON to second tier status, it could be a game changer.
"A single eye that sees everything," Nick said. "Just like the Norse god."
"That's right." Elizabeth picked up her pen. "If they knock down that satellite it will start a war."
"Don't Ogorov and the others realize that?" Ronnie asked. "Are they really that stupid?"
"It appears that they are. You don't build a weapon like that and then sit on it. Remember, AEON is behind this. If they knock out ODIN they will have demonstrated that they have a weapon no one else can match. Like the A-Bomb after Hiroshima. They must think they can exert enough pressure to stop a war before it gets going."
"Why do our enemies always underestimate us?" Ronnie asked.
"Because our politicians give them good reason to," Nick said.
"Rice won't wait," Elizabeth said, "and he won't negotiate. I can guarantee that. I've briefed him. If we don't destroy this weapon, he will. That means a pre-emptive strike against Russia and that almost certainly means nuclear war. No one wins."
Not again, Nick thought.
Harker touched a key. The picture on the monitor changed.
"Vysotsky was able to get pictures of the installation."
The pyramid was large, made out of stone, and shaped like the pyramids at Giza in Egypt. A gleam of metal shrouded the peak.
"There's only one direct way in." She changed the picture and pointed at a road leading to the pyramid. "Right down that road, through three armed checkpoints and the main gate."
"So what do we do, drive up and ask for a tour?"
"Very funny, Ronnie. Even Vysotsky can't get us in that way."
"You said one direct way." Nick tugged on his scarred ear. "Does that mean there's an indirect one?"
"Yes." She put a new photo on the screen. "They've brought in water from the river and built a shaft where it drops out of sight. Vysotsky says it meets up with a network of channels underneath the pyramid."
"What are they for?" Lamont wondered.
"It's something to do with how Tesla's device is powered."
"You want us to go in through there?"
"It's the only way."
"Do we have plans of the interior?"
"No. But Vysotsky is sure there is access. They have to be able to maintain the system. Look."
She zoomed in on the shaft. Ladder rungs were visible on one side of the shaft. Water from the river plunged over the edge. It would be like climbing down by a waterfall, but it could be done.
"Vysotsky will handle operational details once you're on his turf. Korov will meet you in Turkey and bring you across the border on a plane with the right transponder codes for the Russian air defenses. From Turkey you're going to Chelyabinsk. Vysotsky will get you and Korov's team to the target."