“I wondered the same thing,” I said.
“Can you remember her at all? I must’ve been too young.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Sometimes I think I can. I do seem to remember something. Was there a different house? Did I travel somewhere? But maybe it’s wishful thinking.”
“What about our fathers?” she said. “And why did they blank out the names?”
“Maybe they were trying to protect us in some way,” I said.
“Thanks for showing me,” said Nicole. “But I don’t think you should keep these around. What if you get caught with them?”
“I know. I tried to put the pages back, but the file wasn’t there anymore.”
In the end, we decided to tear the pages up into small pieces and flush them down the toilet.
Aunt Lydia had told us we should strengthen our minds for the mission ahead of us. Meanwhile, we should continue on with life as usual, and not do anything to call attention to Nicole, or arouse suspicion. That was difficult, as we were anxious; I for one lived with a sense of dread: if Nicole were to be discovered, would Becka and I be accused?
Becka and I were due to leave on our Pearl Girls mission very soon. Would we even go, or did Aunt Lydia have some other destination in mind? We could only wait and see. Becka had studied the Pearl Girls standard guide of Canada, with the currency, the customs, and the methods of purchasing, including credit cards. She was much better prepared than I was.
When the Thanks Giving ceremony was less than a week away, Aunt Lydia called us to her office again. “This is what you must do,” she said. “I have arranged a room for Nicole at one of our country Retreat Houses. The papers are in order. But it is you, Aunt Immortelle, who will be going in Nicole’s stead. She herself will take your place, and will travel as a Pearl Girl to Canada.”
“Then I won’t be going?” said Becka, dismayed.
“You will go later,” said Aunt Lydia.
I suspected it was a lie, even then.
XXI
Fast and Thick
59
I’d thought I had everything in order, but the best-laid plans gang aft agley, and trouble comes in threes. I write this in haste at the end of a very trying day. My office might as well have been Grand Central—before that venerable edifice was reduced to rubble during the War of Manhattan—so heavy was the foot traffic through it.
The first to make an appearance was Aunt Vidala, who turned up right after breakfast. Vidala and undigested porridge are a taxing combination: I vowed to imbibe some mint tea as soon as I might arrange it.
“Aunt Lydia, there is a matter to which I wish to draw your urgent attention,” she said.
I sighed inwardly. “Of course, Aunt Vidala. Do sit down.”
“I won’t take much of your time,” she said, settling herself in the chair in preparation for doing just that. “It’s about Aunt Victoria.”
“Yes? She and Aunt Immortelle are soon to set off on their Pearl Girls mission to Canada.”
“That is what I wish to consult you about. Are you sure they are ready for it? They are young for their ages—even more so than the other Supplicants of their generation. Neither of them have had any experience of the wider world, but some of the others have at least firmness of character that is lacking in these two. They are, you might say, malleable; they will be overly susceptible to the material temptations on offer in Canada. Also, in my opinion, Aunt Victoria is a defection risk. She has been reading some questionable material.”
“I trust you are not calling the Bible questionable,” I said.
“Certainly not. The material to which I refer is her own Bloodlines file from the Genealogical Archives. It will give her dangerous ideas.”
“She does not have access to the Bloodlines Genealogical Archives,” I said.
“Someone must have obtained the file for her. I happen to have seen it on her desk.”
“Who would have done that without my authorization?” I said. “I must make inquiries; I cannot have insubordination. But I am sure Aunt Victoria is, by now, resistant to dangerous ideas. Despite your opinion of her juvenility, I believe she has achieved an admirable maturity and strength of mind.”
“A thin facade,” said Vidala. “Her theology is very shaky. Her notion of prayer is fatuous. She was frivolous as a child and recalcitrant when it came to her school duties, especially the handicrafts. Also, her mother was—”
“I know who her mother was,” I said. “The same can be said of many of our most respected younger Wives, who are the biological progeny of Handmaids. But degeneracy of that sort is not necessarily inherited. Her adoptive mother was a model of rectitude and patient suffering.”
“That is true as concerns Tabitha,” said Aunt Vidala. “But, as we know, Aunt Victoria’s original mother is a particularly flagrant case. Not only did she disregard her duty, abandon her appointed post, and defy those set in Divine Authority over her, but she was the prime mover in the stealing of Baby Nicole from Gilead.”
“Ancient history, Vidala,” I said. “It is our mission to redeem, not to condemn on purely contingent grounds.”
“Certainly, as regards Victoria; but that mother of hers ought to be cut into twelve pieces.”
“No doubt,” I said.
“There is a credible rumour that she’s working with Mayday Intelligence, in Canada, on top of her other treasons.”
“We win some, we lose some,” I said.
“That is an odd way of putting it,” said Aunt Vidala. “It is not a sport.”
“It is kind of you to offer me your observations on acceptable speech,” I said. “As for your insights on Aunt Victoria, the proof will be in the pudding. I am sure she will complete her Pearl Girls assignment most satisfactorily.”
“We shall see,” said Aunt Vidala with a half-smile. “But if she defects, kindly remember that I warned you.”
Next to arrive was Aunt Helena, all apuff from limping over from the library. Increasingly her feet are a bother to her.
“Aunt Lydia,” she said. “I feel you should be aware that Aunt Victoria has been reading her own Bloodlines file from the Genealogical Archives without authorization. I believe that, in view of her biological mother, it is most unwise.”
“I have just been informed of this fact by Aunt Vidala,” I said. “She shares your view as to the feebleness of Aunt Victoria’s moral fibre. But Aunt Victoria was well brought up, and has had the best education at one of our prime Vidala Schools. Is it your theory that nature will win out over nurture? In which case, the original sinfulness of Adam will assert itself in all of us despite our rigorous efforts to stamp it out, and I am afraid our Gilead project will be doomed.”
“Oh surely not! I didn’t mean to imply that,” Helena said, alarmed.
“You’ve read Agnes Jemima’s Bloodlines file yourself?” I asked her.
“Yes, many years ago. It was restricted at that time to the Founding Aunts.”
“We made the correct decision. Had the knowledge that Baby Nicole was Aunt Victoria’s half-sister been widely disseminated, it would have been detrimental to her development as a child. I now believe that some of the more unscrupulous within Gilead might have attempted to use her as a bargaining chip in their attempts to retrieve Baby Nicole, had they been aware of the relationship.”
“I had not thought of that,” said Aunt Helena. “Of course you are right.”
“It may interest you to know,” I said, “that Mayday is cognizant of the sisterly relationship; they have had Baby Nicole within their grasp for some time. It is thought they may wish to reunite her with her degenerate mother, since her adoptive parents have died suddenly. In an explosion,” I added.