WARDEN
You want to send it back?
He tries another sip, rolls it in his mouth, and shrugs.
MARK
Nuh-uh. I guess its good. (pointing to the two huge Meridian DSP-8000 speakers — each 52″ by 21″ by 27″—suspended in opposite corners across the room)
How much does each of those weigh?
WARDEN
About 300 pounds.
MARK
No fuckin’ way!! What’s keeping them up? It looks like they’re just floating there.
WARDEN gets up from couch, rummages through desk drawer, and returns to couch, having retrieved Oshimitsu Polymers America Corp. product brochure.
WARDEN
(reading from brochure)
“Materials engineers have hypothesized that a single strand of orb-weaving spider silk, as thick as clothesline, could actually stop the Concord supersonic transport in flight!
“Oshimitsu Polymers America Corporation — a subsidiary of Shimazaki Chemical Company — has created a synthetic spider silk that has greater tensile strength than steel and is capable of supporting audio speakers of any weight.
“Using sophisticated computer simulation techniques and recombinant DNA technology, Oshimitsu scientists have been able to utilize the unparalleled ingenuity of the biosynthetic process by controlling polymer sequence and chain length to produce analogs of the natural silk proteins.
“Synthetic Spider-Silk Speaker-Suspension Line(r) is one of the many innovative synthetic fiber products that have made Oshimitsu Polymers America internationally recognized as the preeminent pioneer in advanced materials development.
“Because of their light weight, strength, and ductility, Oshimitsu synthetic biopolymer fibers may also have applications in military and commercial satellites and aircraft, earthquake-resistant suspension-bridge cables, and huge synthetic fiber-mesh space-nets designed to snare and divert errant asteroids and protect the earth from catastrophic and potentially species-threatening collisions.
“Oshimitsu Polymers America — committed to facilitating our increasingly complex synthetic fiber needs into the 21st century.”
MARK
That is so cool! How can I get more information about Oshimitsu Synthetic Spider-Silk Speaker-Suspension Line(r) and learn how other Oshimitsu synthetic biopolymer products can help enhance my home theater?
OVER-THE-SHOULDER SHOT of Warden circling phone number in catalog.
ZOOM in until phone number fills screen:
1-800-POLYMER
WARDEN
Just call 1-800-POLYMER. An Oshimitsu Polymers America customer service representative is waiting to answer any questions you might have about how Oshimitsu’s innovative line of biopolymer products can make your home theater the very best that it can be.
COMPUTER-ANIMATED OSHIMITSU LOGO SEQUENCE (8 seconds):
We hear hyperkinetic BONGO RHYTHM.
Phone number detaches itself and rises from catalog page, which dissolves, leaving numerals on empty cool-blue background (0.75 sec.).
Numerals break into rods and spheres, which then arrange themselves into polymer chain (1.50 sec.).
Polymer chain metamorphoses into fibers, and then fibers into spider’s web (2.25 sec).
Web becomes asteroid net, which snares massive meteor hurtling toward earth and slings it harmlessly into deep space (3.00 sec).
Asteroid net contracts, elongates, and divides into suspension-bridge cables spanning serpentine river (3.75 sec.).
Suspension-bridge cables metamorphose into speaker suspension lines supporting huge loudspeaker over teeming indoor arena (4.50 sec.).
Speaker and suspension line remain foregrounded as indoor arena dissolves into sumptuous penthouse apartment with skyline view and amorous couple on sofa (5.25 sec.).
Penthouse apartment, speaker and couple dissolve back into cool-blue background (5.75 sec.).
Speaker suspension line breaks into rods and spheres (6.25 sec.).
Rods and spheres reconfigure into Oshimitsu Polymers America LOGO. Bongo solo crescendos and abruptly ends — and we hear astringent KOTO ARPEGGIO. Audio track and animation are synchronized so that koto arpeggio sounds at precise instant that logo coalesces (7.00 sec.).
HOLD LOGO for full second and dissolve (8.00 sec.).
WARDEN takes quick hit from blunt and proffers it and tea coaster with pill assortment to MARK.
MARK sticks blunt in mouth and, squinting through smoke, chooses two Demerols, and washes them down with a mouthful of tepid Meursault-Charmes.
WARDEN selects a single Fentanyl, tilts her head back, whacks the 2-mg tablet toward the back of her throat, and gulps it down dry.
WARDEN
What kind of sound system do you have?
MARK
In my room?
WARDEN
(nonchalantly wanton, pupils dilated, absently singeing armpit stubble with lit end of blunt)
Yeah.
MARK
(momentarily lost in pagan reveries)
Huh?
WARDEN
(also having lost her train of thought)
What do you think of Guiliani banning the Calvin Klein fist-fucking billboards?
MARK
(avoiding politics)
Did you ever look at De Kooning’s Alzheimer paintings on glue?
WARDEN
Now I remember what I was asking you … What kind of sound system do you have? In your room.
MARK
I have a Sherwood RV7050R receiver, a Yamaha CDC-655 CD player, and a pair of Bose speakers.
WARDEN
Which Bose?
MARK
The Acoustimass 5 Series.
WARDEN
Excellent speakers.
MARK
They’re OK … I got them as a gift for acing my Introduction to Recursive Function Theory final. They’re nothing compared to those things, though … (marveling at the suspended Meridians). Those are motherfuckin’ monsters!
CAMERA DOLLIES toward and then CRANES out through window.
VARIOUS ANGLES of honking Canada geese banking in crimson-streaked crepuscular sky over prison.
WARDEN (off-screen)
What are you running from your receiver to your speakers?
MARK (off-screen)
XLO ER-12. Braided construction.
WARDEN (off-screen)
Tinned ends?
MARK (off-screen)
Spade banana pin.
WARDEN (off-screen)
Excellent. What do you clean your CDs with?
MARK (off-screen)
Acoustic Research Fiber-Optic Lapping Slurry. And if they’re really scuzzy, I have a Marantz KR-II CD Gamma Irradiation Deck.
WARDEN (off-screen)
What do you use to dust your components?
MARK (off-screen)
For the CD player, I use Phase Technology Electrostatic Gauze, and for the receiver, a Hitachi BPA-500 Isopropyl-Impregnated Cheesecloth.
WARDEN (off-screen)
How about for your hands?
MARK (off-screen)
Klipsch Chlorhexidine Gluconate Audiophile Scrub.
WARDEN (off-screen)
What do you dry them with?
MARK (off-screen)
I’d always used the Polk Audio NS7 Post-Lavage Moisture Management System, but lately I like the Cambridge Soundworks Egyptian Cotton Pile Matrix X-130 Ablution Residue Stanching Shammy.
WARDEN (off-screen)
The S Series?
MARK (off-screen)
The SE.
WARDEN (off-screen)
That’s a nice towel.
PULL-BACK SHOT — using fiberoptic endoscope — beginning in WARDEN’S STOMACH, moving slowly up esophagus, and emerging from mouth, and then widening into shot of WARDEN and MARK, seated on couch, drinking Meursault-Charmes and smoking blunt.
(If the actress playing the role of the WARDEN finds the experience of having the endoscope passed in through her mouth and down into her stomach too much of an ordeal, an injection of diazepam is recommended to relax her.