Every league of my journey was enabling me to put more distance between myself and my experiences, but I was still suffering odd pangs of guilt and wondering how things were working themselves out. I caught myself hoping Ryshad had been sympathetically received by that patron of his. I didn't want to think about what reception he might get from Aiten's family. Should I have offered to go with him? Only that would have meant going over the whole horrible experience time and again; it had been bad enough the first time and it wasn't going to improve with retelling. No, Aiten had crossed over to the Otherworld and nothing was going to bring him back. His family could grieve for him well enough without my help. People live, people die; Misaen makes them, Poldrion ferries them, that's the way life is.
I wondered how Ryshad was faring. Did he find himself thinking about me? Were sudden rushes of desire warming his blood in the same way as mine? Something had turned that warm kiss of friendship into a scorching blaze of lust that had left us both trembling like eager virgins. Privacy is in fairly short supply on an ocean boat crowded with nosy wizards, but we'd managed to find enough seclusion to gratify the unexpected passion that had seized us. Still, good as the sex had been, even in those cramped and uncomfortable conditions, I'd waited at the stern rail and watched Ryshad disembark at Zyoutessela. Had I made a dreadful mistake or saved us both from something we'd have lived to regret, like my parents? That was something else I didn't want to dwell on too much. I slipped and stumbled where a patch of shade had kept a puddle frozen solid through the brief noon warmth and smiled ruefully at myself. A man hadn't affected me like this any time in the last ten years.
It was proving difficult to shake off the dust of this unexpected adventure though. There were all the various questions about the Elietimm, that lost colony, the dreams and all the other parts of Planir's puzzle. I couldn't help being curious but as my mother always said, 'Curiosity got Amit hanged.' Forget it, I told myself firmly; Tormalin princes and all the wizards of Hadrumal can sort it out between themselves, without your help. This isn't your fight, it nearly got you killed. Yes, it would be nice to pay a little something back for Geris but revenge is for fools; that's what started all this and look where it got you! Walk away from it, Livak, I ordered myself sternly; walk away and don't look back.
I turned off down a shaded, muddy track, the edges of the ruts rock-hard in the frost. A straggle of snug cottages nestled under their wheatstraw thatches and I looked for a green door. If Halice was looking after herself, her leg couldn't be that bad, could it? I began rehearsing all the arguments I'd been preparing to explain why I'd gone off the way I had. The only problem was that they all sounded a bit thin, apart from the muffled chink of the hefty pouch of coin that was plumping out my jerkin. I patted it affectionately, the way some women do with a season's child-belly on them. I'd got a wax-sealed flagon of irreproachable wine in my backpack as well; that should help, whatever Halice thought of me.
I knocked on the door and lifted the latch; my cheerful words of welcome died on my lips as I saw Halice in a chair with two short, blond men standing over her, arms raised.
'And then I said, “Look, how much damage do you think I could do?”'
Halice roared her familiar barking laugh as the fair-haired pair turned to see who had come in.
'Livak!'
Sorgrad and Sorgren hurried to embrace me but I took a step backwards, shaking, struggling with the fears that had come clamouring out of my memories. They halted, concerned.
'Are you all right?' Sorgrad's familiar voice dispelled the horrid illusions and I was able to manage a more normal smile.
'Sure, sorry, just caught a draught from Poldrion's cloak.'
'Come and get warm.' Halice did not stand up and I saw a crutch resting against her chair. I could not see her leg under the blanket over her lap and wondered how it was healing. Well, she'd tell me how bad it was when she was good and ready but I could see she had put on weight through sitting about waiting for the damage to heal.
I moved to the hearth and rubbed my hands over the glowing coals, breathing in the familiar scents of baking bread, meat spitted and roasting, home and safety.
'So, where did you get to?' Sorgren poured me wine from a jug standing in the fender and I savoured the spicy warmth for a moment.
'You know that one gamble, the one you always talk about when you're drunk, the one that's going to set you up for an honest life?' I grinned at them all.
'You found it?' Halice's dark eyes reflected the firelight, amusement warring with hope on her weather-beaten face.
'No.' I shook my head and reached inside my jerkin. 'I thought I had but it wasn't to be. Still, it paid quite well, for all that.'
I dropped the washleather bag and it landed on the table with a thud that simply shouted out noble coin. Sorgren weighed it in one hand and a wondering look crossed his face.
'How much is here?'
'Enough to give us all a Solstice to remember! How about we hire a fast team and head for Col?' I drained my cup and reached for more wine. 'We could make the last of the Solstice.'
'Sounds like a fair plan.' Sorgrad smiled at me, eyes bright. 'So, what exactly have you been up to? Halice said she'd had a message from some wizard, saying you were off working for the Archmage.'
'It's a long story and I don't want to tell it now,' I said firmly. 'Maybe later, I don't know. It wasn't like some half-arsed ministrel's ballad, I'll tell you that much. It was bloody dangerous and I nearly didn't make it back.'
'You did, though, and it looks to have paid well,' Sorgen said cheerfully, opening the bag and beginning to stack the white-gold coins into gleaming columns. He always likes to live in the present.
'Coin's only worth anything if you're alive to spend it, 'Gren.' I shook my head at him. 'That's my share and a dead man's. His gamble only won him passage with Poldrion.'
A tremor ran through me and I turned it into a theatrical shudder. 'I'll take an honest job before I work for the Archmage again!'
Halice looked closely at me for a moment. She may look like the village idiot's older sister but she's no fool. 'Let's head for Col then, spend his gold and forget him,' she said cheerfully. 'The lads have got some interesting ideas for turning a few coins in Lescar.'
'All right.' I turned the spit and fat crackled in the flames. 'Let's eat this piglet and make some plans. I'm in favour of something involving warm tap-rooms, a familiar set of bones in my hand and some well-controlled games of runes with stupid farmers. There's just one thing I want to make clear: whatever we do, it's to have nothing to do with wizards!'