"What!" cried Caroline.
Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "If I refuse he will think I am sulking.”
"Which you have every reason to do.”
"He might even think that I care. I am going to show him that I do not. I shall look at him ...
insolently ... while he is marrying that woman and I shall make him feel so uncomfortable that he'll wish he had never seen me ... or her. But I shall go. I have decided.”
"I don't think you have given the matter serious thought," said Caroline.
"I have made up my mind," retorted Sarah. "And after all, the invitation is sent to me. I am invited to be the bridesmaid, remember, and it is for me to decide. All I'm telling you is that I have decided.”
"It's madness," cried Caroline.
"I'm not so sure," put in Lord Kildare.
They were all waiting for Mr. Fox to express an opinion; after all he was the most important member of the family.
He lifted his shoulders. "To go or to stay away ... either is not very comfortable. Which ever is done will raise comment.”
"At least Sarah should show she has some pride," insisted Caroline.
"But I don't think I have, sister ... not much in any case. Everyone knows George is still dangling on his mother's apron strings, they know that she and Lord Bute arranged for him to marry this Charlotte person and he wasn't man enough to refuse. Poor Charlotte! I pity her.”
"I should have thought you would be envying her," snapped Caroline. "You would if you had any sense.”
"But you always said I had none of that useful commodity," smiled Sarah. "And ... I have decided.
I am going to be a bridesmaid at the King's wedding.”
Mr. Fox smiled at her, half amused, half exasperated. He deplored his sister-in-law's failure to achieve the royal marriage as much as anyone, but he couldn't help being fond of her. We shall have further trouble with Sarah, he prophesied to himself.
Sarah flounced out of the room back to Sukey the hedgehog and immediately sat down to write to Susan.
Dear Pussy, I have only time to tell you that I have been asked to be bridesmaid and I have accepted it. I'm sorry to say it's against my sister Caroline's opinion a little. I beg you to tell me what your opinion is. I think it is not to be looked upon as a favour, but as a thing due to my rank.
Why refuse it and make great talk, be abused by those who don't know and perhaps by those that do, for they are always in the right, you know ... Those that think about it will say perhaps that I want spirit and pride, which is true enough, for I don't dislike it in the least, and I don't like to affect what I don't feel though ever so right ...
Sarah put down her pen and laughed. Yes, there was no doubt writing to Susan helped her to understand her own feelings. And even when Susan replied that she thought Sarah was wrong to be one of the King's bridesmaids Sarah clung to her opinions. She was determined to go.
When George heard that Sarah had accepted the invitation he did not know whether to be relieved or alarmed. While he was being married to this strange young woman, Sarah would be standing close by! He was sure he would not be able to think of anything but Sarah. If Sarah only knew how much he had wanted to marry her! But perhaps she did. Had he not made it plain? Scarcely perhaps, since he had so quickly been persuaded. But there were secrets people did not know.
There had been Hannah. He thought of her, his beautiful Quaker, and how he had loved her and believed he always would, until he met Sarah. If he could have married Hannah, made her first Princess of Wales and then Queen of England perhaps he would never have noticed how beautiful Sarah was.
He tried not to think of Hannah, but he could not forget her. It was natural that he should think of her with his wedding day so close. How different this would be from that other wedding day when he and Hannah had stood before Dr. Wilmot and exchanged their marriage vows. He shivered.
How could he have been such a fool! But it had been no true marriage because Hannah had been married before to Isaac Axford, the Quaker grocer, one of her own sect. It was true that the marriage had taken place in Dr. Keith's Marriage Mill which was now declared illegal... but it was a true marriage all the same; and that made it impossible for the ceremony through which he had gone with Hannah to be anything but invalid. Besides, Hannah was dead. Or was she? If he could be sure... But he was supposed to be pining for the loss of Sarah, not thinking of Hannah. No, no, he was not supposed to be doing either. He was supposed to be thinking of welcoming his bride the Princess Charlotte.
George forced himself to think of Charlotte. He would be a good husband to her; they would have children, and when he was a father he would cease to be bothered by romantic follies. But he could not dismiss Sarah from his mind; and while he made almost feverish preparations to receive his bride, images of Sarah continued to torment him.
**** In the nursery Caroline Matilda, the youngest of the family, was chattering about the wedding.
She was ten years old and had always felt herself to be apart from the family because she had been born four months after her father's death. So she had never known him. Neither had her brother Frederick William really, although it was true he had been born a year before she had, when their father was alive but he could remember nothing of him, so he was as much in the dark as Caroline Matilda. Henry was sixteen and swaggered about the nursery, impatient because he was neither a boy nor a man, but very much despising his younger sister and brother. Then there was William who was eighteen, very much the man with no time to spare for ignorant little sisters. Elizabeth, the saintly one, had died what seemed like a long time ago to Caroline Matilda, but was in fact only some three years back; then there was Edward, Duke of York, who was twenty-two; and Augusta, haughty, eldest of them all, who was twenty-four years old; but she was not the most important member of the family. How could she be when there was George and although one year younger than Augusta, he was the King.
The thought that George was King of England made Caroline Matilda want to giggle, for George was less like a king than any of her brothers. He was always kind and even treated the youngest of them all as though she were worthy of some consideration. Now he was always giving audiences and receiving ministers, and even his family had to remember to show due respect to him, although he never asked for it. Before he had become king he had had time to talk to Caroline Matilda about their father. She was constantly asking questions about Papa. It seemed to her so odd to have a father who had died before she was born.
She did not share George's delight in Lord Bute, for he scarcely noticed her. All his attention was for George. And Mamma of course did not notice her much either only to lay down a lot of rules as to how the nursery was to be run, She liked to listen to her brothers, Henry and Frederick, talking together or rather Henry talked and Frederick listened. It wasn't only the gap in their ages which made, Henry supreme. Henry was only sixteen but healthy, whereas Frederick always had colds and was often out of breath. Poor Frederick; he listened patiently, only too grateful that his brother talked to him.
Caroline Matilda knew better than to attempt to join in. Henry would soon have put her in her place if she had. He wasn't like dear George dear King George, she thought with a little chuckle and the reason was that everyone knew George was king so he didn't always have to be reminding people how important he was.
Henry was saying: "It'll be different now George is king. They can't keep us cooped up forever.”
Frederick timidly asked what would happen when they were no longer cooped up.
"We shall go to balls and banquets. We shan't just be the children in the nursery. You see. Of course you and Caro will be children for years yet...”