The Third Little Green Man
Damon Knight
He was unnecessary. The first two had already convinced Shoemaker there was only one cure for his condition-and that was to get the hell away from space-ships and onto a nice red wagon.
Shoemaker sat in the open sallyport of the ship and looked gloomily at a pale blue-green seascape, parted down the middle by a ghostly shoreline. The sea was a little greener, and the land was a little bluer; otherwise there was no difference to the eye. Once in a while a tiny breeze came in from the sea, and then the stink changed from sulphur to fish.
Venus, he decided, was a pest-hole. If he’d known it would be like this, he would have socked old Davies in the eye when he came to him with his damned plans.
And then he’d have got roaring drunk to celebrate his escape.
Drunk … Boy, he’d been squiffed last night! And every night, except one horrible period when they’d found his cache and it had been three days before he could shut off the engines and make more. Thinking of that, he shuddered. Better get started early tonight; no telling when the others would be back.
He rose and went back into the stifling heat of the ship. No cooling system in the thing; that’s one item he hadn’t thought of. But then, to hear Davies and Burford talk, Venus was going to be a kind of Turkish paradise, full of pomegranates and loose women. Nothing had been said about the temperature or the smells.
He walked down the narrow passageway to the hold, entered one of the compartments, and stopped before a patched section of the bulkhead. The ship was practically nothing but patches, and this looked no different from the rest. But it was.
Shoemaker stuck a fingernail under the lower end of the metal strip, and pulled. The strip came loose. He got his finger all the way under and lifted. The soldered edges tore away like so much glue.
He caught the section as the top came away, and laid it aside. Behind it, in a space where plastic filler had been removed, were stacked bottles of a colorless liquid. He took one of them out and shoved it into his back pocket. Then he picked up the patch sheet and, holding it in place with one hand, took a metal-foil tube out of his pocket with the other. The gunk in the tube was his own discovery; a phony solder fluid that was pretty nearly as strong as the real thing, except that the slightest leverage would pull it loose. He smeared a thin film of the stuff all around the patch, held the sheet for a few seconds more while it dried, then stood off to examine his work. Perfect.
The bottle in his pocket was uncomfortably warm against his thin rump. Well, he could fix that, too. He went down the passage to the next compartment, jockeyed an oxygen tank around until he could get at the petcock, and held the bottle in a thin stream of the compressed gas. In a minute the liquor was chilled.
He was sweating prodigiously. Gasping a little, he went back to the sallyport and sat down. He settled his broad back against the doorway, put the neck of the bottle against his pursed lips, and drank.
He was lowering his head after the fifth long swallow, when he saw something move against the misty boundary of sea and land. He followed it with his eyes. His long “Ahhh” of satisfaction ended in the sound of a man treacherously struck in the belly.
A little green man was standing there, a little poisonous-green man with blue-green whiskers and eyes like emeralds. He was about fourteen inches high, counting his big rabbit ears. He had an ominous look on his face.
Shoemaker gaped. Suddenly, the things Burford had been telling him, this morning before he and the other two had left to go exploring, began to run through his mind. Flesh and blood can stand just so much, Jim. One of these days a pink elephant or a polka-dot giraffe is going to step out of a bottle and say to you-
“Shoemaker, your time has come.”
He jumped a foot. He was quivering all over.
Just as Shoemaker was telling himself that it couldn’t possibly have happened, the little man moved a step forward and said it again.
Shoemaker dived for the door and slammed it after him. Ten minutes later, when he stopped shaking long enough to open it again, the little green man was gone.
This was not so good, Shoemaker told himself. Whether it was the d. t.’s or just a hallucination brought on by chilled liquor in a hot climate, that green man was nothing he wanted to have around.
He started thinking about what Burford and Davies and Hale would do if they found out he’d started seeing things. They’d taken a lot from him, because he was the only man who could hold the Space Queen together; but this might be too much.
For instance, there was his habit of stopping the engines whenever he ran out of liquor. Well, he had an alibi for that, anyway. Two days out of New York, they’d found his supply of Scotch and dumped it into space. Fighting mad, he’d waited until the others were asleep, then disconnected the transmutator that fed the rocket motors and adjusted it to turn out pure grain alcohol. With the addition of a little grapefruit juice from the stores, it made a fair-to-middling tipple. He’d kept going on it ever since.
But, if there were green men in it …
Shuddering, he went outside to wait for Davies and the other two. It was a little cooler now, with the sun clear around on the other side of the planet, but it was also a lot darker. Shoemaker turned on the light in the sallyport and stood under it, nervously peering into the blackness.
Presently he heard a hail, and then saw the three lights coming toward him. Three of them; that meant nobody had been devoured by saber-toothed pipicacas, or whatever cockeyed carnivores there were on this Turkish bath of a world. That was good. If anybody killed any of them-big, slow-thinking Davies, the chubby, drawling Hale-or Burford in particular-Shoemaker wanted it to be him.
That was Burford now. “Seen any elephants?”
Damn him. There went Shoemaker’s idea of asking casually if they’d seen any little green creatures around. Burford was feeling sharp tonight, and he’d pounce on that like a cat.
The three slogged into the circle of light. They looked a little tired, even the whipcord-lean Burford. Their boots were crusted with blue-gray mud almost to the knees.
“Have any trouble finding your way back?” Shoemaker asked. Davies shook his big head slowly. He looked a little surprised. “No … No, there’s a river up yonder about a mile, you know. We saw it when we landed …”
“Jim was out cold at the time,” Burford put in. He grinned nastily at Shoemaker.
“So we just followed it up a ways and then back,” Davies finished, putting his knapsack down on the galley table. He sat down heavily. “We didn’t see a thing … not a thing. Looks like we’ll have to pick up the ship and use it to cruise around … but we can’t spare much fuel, you know.” He looked reproachfully at Shoemaker. “We used up so much correcting course every time you shut off the engines …”
Shoemaker felt himself getting hot. “Well, if you three commissars hadn’t heaved out my Scotch-”
“Okay, okay, break it up,” said Hale boredly. He let his soft bulk down into a chair. Burford stood up, leaning against the bulkhead.
“You hear anything on the radio, Shoemaker?” Hale asked.
Shoemaker shook his head. “Had it on all day,” he said. “Not a peep.”
“I don’t get it,” Burford said. “Radio signals started practically as soon as we hit atmosphere. They wavered, but we traced them down right about here. Then, as soon as we landed, they quit. There’s something funny about that.”
“Well, now,” said Davies, wagging his head, “I wouldn’t exactly say it was funny, Charley. Now you take us, there might be any number of reasons why we’d quit signaling, if it was the Venusians landing on Earth instead of us the other way around …” He sighed. “But it comes to this, boys. If there are any animals on Venus, intelligent or otherwise, it makes no never-mind, we’ve got to find ’em. We got to have some kind o’ specimens to take back, or we’re sunk. You remember how much trouble we had, just getting the Supreme Council to subsidize us at all …”