Mrs Flawse silently cursed but had to agree. Port with more than its normal quota of brandy did have more body On the other hand so did she, and her dresses were beginning to lock as though they belonged to another woman. Mr Flawse found her greater girth a source of amusement and made uncalled-for remarks to Mr Dodd about breasts, bottoms and bitches being all the better for bed when broad. And all the while Mrs Flawse was conscious that Mr Dodd kept his uncast eye upon her. She found it unnerving and Mr Dodd's collie had a nasty habit of snarling whenever she passed too close.
'I wish you'd keep the creature out of the kitchen,' she told Mr Dodd irritably.
'Aye and me with her I dare say,' said Mr Dodd. 'You'd be hard put to it to keep yoursel' warm without my going down the drift mine for coal. If you dinna want me in the kitchen, you'll have to gan dig it yoursel'.'
Mrs Flawse had no intention of going down the drift mine to dig coal and said so.
'Then the dawg stays,' said Mr Dodd.
Mrs Flawse promised herself to see that the collie didn't, but Mr Dodd's habit of feeding the beast himself prevented her from putting ground glass in the dog's food. All in all it was a trying summer for Mrs Flawse and she found herself uncharacteristically yearning for the bleak winter ahead. She would have more opportunity for making things uncomfortable at the Hall.
Lockhart had already succeeded at Sandicott Crescent. Having dispatched Little Willie, the Pettigrews' dachshund, to that afterlife about which the Wilsons now had no doubts, he was able to move more easily about the gardens and the bird sanctuary on his solitary expeditions. Mr Grabble, whose wife he had seen in Mr Simplon's arms, was the European manager for a firm of electronics engineers and regularly went abroad. It was during his absences that Mrs Grabble and Mr Simplon kept what Lockhart called their trysts. Mr Simplon left his car two streets away and walked to the Grabble house; when he had finished trysting he went back to the car and drove home to Mrs Simplon at Number 5. Further investigation revealed that Mr Grabble had left an emergency number in Amsterdam where he could always be reached should need arise. Lockhart discovered this by the simple expedient of unlocking the front door to Number 2 with the late Mr Sandicott's key and consulting the Grabbles' bureau and telephone directory. Accordingly, on a hot afternoon in June, he went to the trouble of sending a telegram to Mr Grabble in Amsterdam recommending him to return home at once as his wife was dangerously ill, too ill in fact to be moved from the house. Having signed it in the name of a fictitious doctor Lockhart quietly shinned a telegraph pole in the bird sanctuary and neatly severed the line to the Grabbles' house. After that he went home and had tea before going out as dusk fell and making his way to the corner of the road in which Mr Simplon left his car. The car was there. It was not there twenty-five minutes later when Mr Grabble, driving with more reckless concern for his wife than her behaviour justified and less for other road users, hurtled through East Pursley and into Sandicott Crescent. It was not there when Mr Simplon, naked and covering his previously private parts with both hands, scampered down the Grabbles' drive and shot frenziedly round the corner. It was sitting in the Simplons' garage where Lockhart had parked with a cheerful toot of the horn to alert Mrs Simplon that her husband was home, before crossing to the golf course and making his way sedately back to Jessica at Number 12. Behind him Numbers 5 and 2 were a holocaust of domestic understanding. The discovery that his wife, far from being dangerously ill, was copulating ardently with a neighbour he had never much liked anyway, and that he had been brought anxiously all the way back from Amsterdam to have this ugly fact thrust under his unsuspecting nose, was too much for Mr Grabble's temper. His shouts and Mrs Grabble's screams, as he used first his umbrella, and then, having broken it, an Anglepoise lamp that stood on the bedside table, to express his feelings, could be heard far down the street. They were particularly audible next door where the Misses Musgrove were entertaining the Vicar and his wife to dinner. They were also audible to Mrs Simplon. The fact that her husband, having just driven into the garage, figured so largely in Mr Grabble's invective provoked her to investigate how he could possibly be in two places at the same time. Mr Grabble's commentary supplied a third occupation, that of Mrs Grabble.
Mrs Simplon emerged from the front door at the very same moment as the Vicar, driven as much by the Misses Musgraves' curiosity as by any desire to interfere in a domestic disaster, came out of Number 4. His collision with a naked Mr Simplon who had taken his courage in both hands and was scampering back to his own house had at least the merit of explaining exactly what and whom her husband had been doing in the Grabble house. Not that she needed much telling. Mr Grabble was singularly lucid on the subject. The Rev. Truster was less well-informed. He had never met Mr Grabble in the flesh and naturally supposed that the naked man cowering on the ground at his feet was a sinner, and a wife-beater, come to repentance.
'My dear man,' said the Vicar, 'this is no way to conduct your domestic life.'
Mr Simplon was fully aware of the fact. He stared frantically up at the Rev. Truster and clutched his scrotum. Over the road his wife went indoors and slammed the front door.
'Your wife may have done all the things you say she's done but to beat a woman is the act of a cad.'
Mr Simplon thoroughly agreed but was spared the need to explain that he had never so much as laid a finger on Mrs Simplon by the crash of breaking french window and the emergence of a large and very heavy piece of Waterford glass. Mrs Grabble, in fear for her life, was fighting back to some effect. Mr Simplon took the opportunity to get to his feet and rush across the road to Number 5, a progress that took him past the Ogilvies, the Misses Musgrove and the Pettigrews, none of whom he knew at all intimately but who now knew him by rather more than the cut of his coat. As he stood under the mock-Georgian portico of his front door and beat on the Cupid-head knocker with one hand while pressing the bell with his elbow at the same time, Mr Simplon knew that his reputation as a consultant engineer was at an end. So was Mrs Simplon's tolerance. Her husband's constant absences and lame excuses had combined with her own sexual frustration to leave her a bitter woman. She had emerged to save what she could of her marriage but at the sight of her husband cowering naked in front of a clergyman had decided to end it. And not with a whimper.
'You can stay out there till hell freezes over,' she shouted through the letter box at her nearest, 'but if you think I'm letting you into my home ever again you've got another think coming.'
Mr Simplon had had enough thoughts coming without this additional one and he particularly disliked the use of the possessive adjective. 'What do you mean "my home"?' he yelled, momentarily forgetting his other lost possessions. 'I've as much right-'
'Not any more,' screamed Mrs Simplon adding an extra sting to the statement by squirting the contents of an aerosol can of De-Icing Fluid, which Mr Simplon kept on a shelf in the hall for quite other purposes, through the letter box on to those shrivelled organs Mrs Grabble had recently found so attractive. The screams that followed this remarkable initiative were music to her ears. They were certainly music to Lockhart, who had last heard their like at a pig-killing without use of a humane killer. He sat in the kitchen with Jessica and smiled over his Ovaltine.