Suddenly the small part of her brain that was paying attention told her there was something worth listening to, and she welcomed the distraction. “…that’s right. To be clear, from here on out, things are back to normal around here. No more arbitrary punishments, no more ‘inspections,’ no more shower duty. We’re going to be just like the other communities. Same rules, same consequences.”
A murmur went through the room. “Is this related to… that?” Alyssa asked. She couldn’t make herself say the words yet. Emily hadn’t been liked—in truth, most had thought she was a freak—but still, a life was a life.
“No, not really,” DJ said. “I’ve been doing some soul-searching lately and realized I’ve been selfish. I know ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cover it, and I’m going to work on making it up to you all. I don’t want to get too much into all that now—it’s late, and we have classes tomorrow and everything. I just wanted to let you know things are getting back to normal. And if I, um, had any special rules for individuals, those are gone too.”
“All of them?” an Asian girl Brittney didn’t recognize asked quietly. “Even… with my guild?”
“Yes, Miko.” DJ’s cheeks colored somewhat. Brittney was glad she didn’t know why. She really liked this renewed considerate DJ, but she hadn’t forgotten the fear she’d had of his power.
Jillian raised her hand. “To clarify… are you saying you’re not requiring shower duty any more, or you’re not allowing shower duty any more?”
“I’m sorry…?” He seemed not to follow the distinction.
“It’s one of the best parts of my week is what I’m saying. Are you kicking us out, or just saying we don’t have to if we don’t have to?” Jillian grinned immodestly. Brittney blinked, startled at her bluntness, but then again, spending most of the semester having it common knowledge that every passingly attractive girl on the floor was showering with the RA would remove the need for circumspection. Everyone in the room new what had been happening.
DJ glanced awkwardly at Brittney, who couldn’t help but smile at his bashfulness. “Go ahead,” she said. “Have your fun.”
Did I really just say that?! Yet as she thought on it… she really didn’t mind. If Jillian didn’t mind, and Brittney didn’t mind… could it be wrong? It was undoubtedly his power making her feel that way, but it was the way she felt nonetheless. Not like DJ was doing it maliciously. Not like it upset or hurt anyone. Two people, having fun, and it bothered her no more than the thought of the two of them having a dry, boring study session.
Was that all there was to it? Doing no harm?
“Um, I’ll get back to you on that,” DJ said. “For now, you can sleep in tomorrow, Jill.”
“It’s actually my turn tomorrow,” Janelle said. “Same deal?” Like Jillian, she sounded a little put out. Then again, having a weekly shower with a cute (and well-equipped) guy with no strings attached… well, maybe it made more sense than she’d initially considered. After all, Brittney had forced her own way into the line-up when Ashley had pushed her out.
“Same for everyone,” he said. “Now let’s wrap up, gang. And if anybody needs someone to talk to, my door’s always open, or I can come to you. Day or night. Good night, everybody.”
People went their separate ways, most of them in soft conversation about the kinds of things people talk about with death in their peripheral awareness. Jillian and Janelle were giggle-whispering a plan to ambush him his stall the next day.
Brittney just took DJ’s hand as the lounge emptied. “So what do we do now?”
“I think I need some sleep.”
She nodded. “My room? Mercedes won’t mind, considering.”
“No, I think I need to be on my own tonight. Is that OK?”
She took his hands in hers and squeezed softly. “You’re going to be all right? DJ, I’m worried. What happened today… that’s a lot to handle for anyone, especially on your own.”
“I’ll be OK. I just… I need to process. In her letter, Emily said…” he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just need to process. And… I think I need to talk to Ashley.”
“Ashley?” Brittney frowned. Then again, it made sense. After what the three of them had been through… of course he’d at least want to tell her what had happened. Him and Ashley… that was no study date. “Oh. Yeah, sure. Well, you know where to find me. Any time, OK? Even if it’s in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t even mind if I could mind you.” She smiled softly.
“Thanks, hon. Are you going to be all right?”
“Yeah. Mercedes can do a little tolerating of me tonight.”
“Good night, Brittney.”
“G’night, DJ.” She kissed him—then twice more—before letting him go to her.
DJ knocked on Ashley’s door a short while later. She opened almost immediately, apparently still awake. He tried not to notice she was just wearing a long shirt that was stretched tight across her chest, just long enough to reveal the bottom of her black satin panties and nothing else.
She always did know how to push his buttons.
“Heya Deej. C’mon in.”
They had the room to themselves, since Ashley had convinced DJ to relocate Janet on an all-boy’s floor across campus. Most of the guy’s on the floor were football players—as was Janet’s new roommate, a hairy brute of a defensive tackle with a habit of leering too casually, which was why Ashley had picked him. Shit, there was another thing he’d have to get to fixing.
Ashley plopped down on her bed, making no effort to conceal herself. He sat down in her desk chair, keeping a safe distance. “So what’s up? After this morning, I didn’t think I’d see much of you for a while.”
“Yeah, that had been the plan, but… look, I have to tell you something. About Emily.”
“Oh? What’s that freak gotten herself into now?”
“Ashley, don’t…” He steeled himself. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it. She’s dead. She killed herself earlier today. In my bed.”
“What? No, I just saw her the other day… she can’t… I saw the ambulance in the parking lot earlier, but I never thought…” He gave her a moment to process, letting her stumble and stammer through the initial realization. Her eyes watered, a little. He was surprised she managed even that, considering.
“She left a letter,” he said, removing it from his pocket and holding it out to her. She retrieved it, taking a long moment to control her breathing before plucking it from the envelope.
Ashley read it aloud. He’d read it at least a dozen times this evening, to the point he could nearly recite it along with her. Somehow, hearing the words made it even harder.
“Dear DJ,” she began, “I don’t know where to begin with my apologies. I’ve done so much wrong that it’s hard to separate it all in words when in my heart, it’s all one big tangled mess. I’m sorriest that I hurt you—that much I know. Those things I said there, at the end… I never meant them. I’ve loved you for so long, ever since you first made your move on me that night in the lounge. You were so bold, you just took what you wanted. Since then, I’ve wanted nothing but to make you want me.