The construction was such a tedious, dirty and monotonous job that we deeply and passionately hated. We were eager for any combat operations not because we wanted to show off our courage or bravery, but simply to break up this monotonous boredom of laboring works from which we, anyway, often slacked off.
Besides, during combat operations it was always possible to get, or more precisely to grab from civilians, fresh food or something nice and tasty. The taste of the daily portion of porridge given to us, was stuck in our throat.
— Well! F… this building! — Vitek spitted out his half-smoked cigarette and unenthusiastically suggested, — How about we make at least fifty bricks more before lunch?
There was no desire to continue to do the work and plus the F-word immediately directed us to a new theme of our conversation.
— Well, Vitek, whilst your army superiors put you in different poses of slavery here, someone at home put your wife in the right position, — we started a favorite topic of soldiers’ entertainment and began to tease our mate.
I want to tell you that soldiers’ talk about women, in particular, and love, in general, were rather shallow. But to call them dirty-mouthed will also not be correct. Perhaps, a use of medical terms will be more appropriate, but I do not know which ones. You see, in the army, as in no other place, males do lie so much about women in their stories. (Well, maybe a similar sort of fantasy you can listen to on fishing and hunting tours). So, if to take into a consideration that many of us had not lost virginity in a sexual sense yet, then it will be understandable, why we lied. We dreamt up and clumsily fantasized about women and love. It was a paradox of war: we could kill a life, but we did not know how to create a new one.
— Here we go again! — Vitek weakly waved his hand.
Married soldiers amongst the conscripts were the minority and they were constantly teased by their fellow soldiers. No single day could pass without teasing these mates, in one form or another, on a subject of marital fidelity of their second half. Even a helmet of a married solder could be drilled for the horns, because according to the Russian proverb, they will grow after a wife committed adultery.
But Vitek was the real paratrooper: he never gave into any difficulties. Very quickly he learn a peculiar way how to defeat the teasers. Taking out from his pocket the photo of his wife, dressed in a bathing suit, he usually was saying:” If you, my dear friend, cannot do without a woman, you can jerk yourself. This photo will help you”.
Immediately, the dirty mouths did shut up… until the next time.
Vitek received regularly letters from his wife, but what was written in them he did not share with us.
At the time of my story, I remember well, Vitek’s famous counter attack for halting teasers did not occur on this occasion, because a brigade headquarter messenger rushed to us and interrupted with news.
— Vitek! You are summoned up to the quarters, — after delivering this order, the messenger ran away.
Being called to the brigade headquarters meant only one thing — a soldier was in trouble. Immediately Vitek recalled how recently a staff officer caught him with a bottle of vodka and demanded he surrender the bottle. Vitek vividly recalled how he sent this officer very far and deep in the area of a female reproductive organ driven by an unstoppable desire to get more vodka. Of course, after this swearing, Vitek took off without identifying himself, but who knows… maybe his name was identified?
— So he found me, bastard, — Vitek started swearing, — now he will eat my brains alive….
We deeply sympathized with him; no funny comments were dropped from our tongues. So, heavy-heartedly Vitek dragged his feet down to the headquarters.
In no time, Vitek returned from the headquarters, smiling and radiating with joy.
— Guess what? — Vitek was glowing as a litre of vodka had been presented to him, — if you guess, I will shout you booze.
— A medal for the last combat operation was awarded to you! — I started the guessing game.
— You missed!
— Instead of the medal, they promoted you to a higher rank! — Forelock (the Ukrainian) picked up the game.
— You missed!
— Your son or daughter was born! — I assumed.
— What are you talking about? I already have been in the army for a year and did not see my wife, — Vitek victoriously looked over us.
— I give up, — I put hands up, Forelock (the Ukrainian) silently repeated my gesture.
— I’M GOING ON VACATION! I AM GOING HOME! — Vitek shouted.
We were speechless from this happiness which had fallen on him.
In the Soviet army, a vacation for a regular soldier was an extremely rare occasion: it was given only as a promotion, or (heaven forbid!) if a bad accident occurred back at home. And this vacation should be certified by a telegram signed by a Conscription Office. In Afghanistan, our brigade was not awarded with any vacations as well as with any promotion at all. It was easier to get a medal for bravery rather than a vacation.
Vitek took his wife’s photo and began to kiss the photo repeating:
— My dear! I love you so much!
— I think, the Minister of Defense or the army’s commander must have received a big favor from your wife, if you have got the vacation, — commented maliciously Forelock (the Ukrainian).
— She did better! Much better! — Vitek exclaimed, — She is divorcing me! This telegram was certified by the court and they called me for my case hearing! The Conscription office had no choice as to sign!
In confusion we did not know what to say.
— Are you do not care? — I asked timidly, — don’t you love her anymore?
— I love her, — Vitek said confidently, — I do love her very much, and after this telegram I just adore her!
In that time, such oddities in the relationships that occurred between men and women were a novelty for us. We fell silent.
— She is a great woman, beautiful and clever, she is great in bed, — Vitek was calculating pro and cons loudly, — but I have no doubt that I will find another woman at home, but the vacation I could have only in a case of divorce, — Vitek kissed his wife’s photo and added, — you are such a good girl!
Many years later, after getting a law degree, I realized that it was compulsory to call a defendant to the Civil court, if the court knew where a defendant was. Of course, a consideration of the marriage dissolution procedure was also possible without a defendant’s participation. To do so, it was enough to just send a telegram, certified by a brigade commander, in which it should be stated that a defendant agreed with this claims for divorce and the case would be proceeded without the presence of Vitek in a courtroom. But lets be honest, have you ever seen any paratrooper officer who knew the Civil Laws of Russian Federation?
Driven by personal sympathy to Vitek, our brigade commander issued a vacation certificate and all necessary travel documents for him. The commander of our battalion received a strict order to look after this distressed soldier, to prevent him he doing any stupid things due to not coping with the distress. To make sure that Vitek will cope with this “distressful situation”, the company commander, a married man, shared his personal vodka with him and did a good deal of bad mouthing towards the unfaithful wife of Vitek. To say the truth, Vitek received more attention and care from the commander before his departure, then any of us ever did.