Then why did he feel so rotten?
People shouldn't have to feel that way. There was always hope.
Wasn't there?
Their forlorn expressions hammered at him as he sat there, assaulting him, battering his defenses until he felt them crumble. He flung open his office door and strode up the hall. He couldn't let them go away like that, not when he had the power to help them.
I'm going to regret this.
He hated stupidity. And he had decided to do something very stupid. He was going to go out into the parking lot and tell those people that if they went home and called up and said they had been here this morning, his receptionist would make appointments for them.
I can do it, he told himself.
If he was scrupulously careful to swear each of them to secrecy, maybe he could make it work without screwing himself.
It would be like walking a tightrope.
How good was his balance?
JUNE
___21.___
Alan
"I knew it would come to this!" Ginny said from behind the morning paper at the breakfast table.
"Come to what?" Alan said. He was pouring himself a second cup of coffee at the counter.
"As if things weren't bad enough already—now this!" She pushed the paper across the table onto his place mat.
It was the local weekly, the Monroe Express. She had it folded open to the editorial page. Alan's gaze was immediately drawn to the headline in the upper left corner:
THE SHAME OF SHAMANISM
"Cute," Alan said.
"You won't think so after you've read it." Ginny's voice had taken on the belligerent tone that had become too familiar during the past few weeks.
Alan glanced down the column. It took up half the editorial page. He spotted his name. Uneasy now, he began reading.
Most of the first half was a rehash of the notoriety that had surrounded him for the past few weeks; then it became more pointed. It spoke of the fund-raising drive for Monroe Community Hospital's new expansion program, of how extra beds were desperately needed in the area, of how the hospital had to keep a dozen or so patients on cots in the hallways at all times because of the chronic need for new beds. The closing paragraphs chilled Alan:
And so we wonder here at the Express what the Board of Trustees of Monroe Community Hospital will do. Will they wait until a single staff member's unsavory notoriety undermines the institution's credibility as a health care facility, thereby jeopardizing its certificate of need applications? Or will they take the reins of leadership in their teeth and confront Dr. Bulmer on this matter?
Granted, Dr. Bulmer is not solely to blame for the brouhaha that surrounds him, but the fact remains that he has done nothing to stem the rising tide of speculation and hysteria. Under normal circumstances we would respect his right to decline comment on the wild stories about him. But when that silence acts only to feed the fire, a fire which threatens the expansion of a facility so vital to the health care of our community, then we must demand that he speak out and refute these sensational tales. And if he will not, then we see it as the duty of the Board of Trustees to reconsider his position on the staff of Monroe Community Hospital.
"They've got to be kidding!" Alan said, a knot of disquiet tightening in his stomach. "They're identifying me with the hospital. That's ridiculous! I could see it if I was a board member but I'm—"
"You're a doctor on the staff!" Ginny said. "If you look like a kook, then they look like kooks for keeping you on. Simple as that."
"Why can't they just leave it alone?" Alan said, more to himself than to Ginny.
"Why can't you? That's the question! Why can't you give an interview or something and say it's all a crock?"
"I can't do that." He didn't tell her that People Magazine had called three times last week for just that purpose and he had turned them down flat. Or had it been this week? Time seemed so jumbled lately.
"In God's name, why not?"
"Because I told you—it's not a crock!"
"I don't want to hear that, Alan. I don't want to hear that kind of talk from you."
Alan knew she had shut her mind to the possibility that it might be true.
"All right, then: Let me ask you a hypothetical question."
"I'm not interested in hypo—"
"Just hear me out. Let's just say for the sake of argument that I can heal people."
"I don't want to hear this, Alan!"
"Ginny—!"
"You need help, Alan!"
"Just play along with me. What should I do? Deny it?"
"Of course."
"Even if it's true?"
"Sure."
"And continue using it in secret?"
"No!" She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You couldn't hide something like that! You'd just have to forget about any weird power and go back to regular medicine. Don't you see how you're becoming some kind of leper around here?"
"No."
"Of course you don't! You're walking around like you're on drugs lately. But I do! So put a stop to this once and for all. Tell everybody it's all bull. Please!"
Was she right? He had hoped it would all die down, but it hadn't. He realized now that as long as he used the Dat-tay-vao and cured more and more of the incurables, it would never die down. It would only get worse.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I should put a stop to this once and for all."
Ginny smiled. The first genuine smile he had seen on her face in weeks. "Great! When?"
"Soon. Real soon."
"Dr. Buhner!"
He heard Connie hurrying down the hall. She burst into his office and shoved a magazine under his nose.
"Look!"
It was the waiting-room copy of the latest issue of People. Connie had it opened to an article titled "The Miracles in Monroe." There were photos and case histories of a number of his patients. At the end of the article was a grainy, long-range shot of him exiting the private door to his office building.
The caption read: "The secretive Dr. Bulmer who has refused all comment."
"Wonderful!" he said, feeling sick. This capped it. Things couldn't possibly get any worse.
Connie brought him the registered letter two days later.
The return address was for Monroe Community Hospital. The letter said that he was "invited" before the Board of Trustees "to explain and clarify the rumors and sensational stories" concerning him that were coming to have "a deleterious effect on the hospital's reputation." They expected him on Friday—three days from now.
Here it comes, he thought. He had realized all along in some corner of his mind that sooner or later he was going to run afoul of the medical establishment. Not so much the individual practitioners themselves, but the administrative types who lived off disease and trauma without ever treating or coming near a patient.
"Start canceling all my appointments for the rest of the week. And see if Mr. DeMarco is in his office next door. Tell him I have to speak to him right away."
A moment later she called him back. "Mr. DeMarco is in court and will not be back until this afternoon. He'll call you then. And there's a Mrs. Toad on the phone. She said she must speak to you immediately."
___22.___
Sylvia
"I think you've got trouble."
"So what else is new?"