I’m really curious about her now, about if she’s so serious and unsmiling all the time, and why. First Squad was a lot more open and friendly. And I know I’m not going to get a chance to work out Zan if I’m all sullen and unwilling. I mightn’t have a whole lot of power and independence in this place, but I can control the way I act and that will make me feel better.
I’ve never thought of myself as a typical Australian – that whole laconic and stoic thing – but I’m trying to use that attitude to cope with here. To copy Nick, who is always so calm and unfussed by everything that the world throws at him. Not super-optimistic or unbelievably Pollyanna, but he sets a great balance between dealing with the bad stuff and enjoying all the good bits. Nick would never lose sight of the fact that I’m no longer starving on Muina.
Nick’s an ex-step-cousin. His dad was married to my Aunt Sue when we were younger, and we saw a lot of each other – all the family holidays and so forth. His dad started being an ass, so my aunt divorced him, and Nick does a lot of making sure he doesn’t go completely off the rails. We still live in the same area, though, and Mum and Aunt Sue keep including Nick in holidays as if we’re still related and I see him at inter-school events. He’s not quite one of those incredibly popular people like HM, but he has a relaxed focus on what he thinks is fun which makes him really great to be around. Nick would be far better able to cope with being here.
Friday, January 25
Baby steps
I’ve started looking forward to my sessions with Zan. Not because I like the exercise particularly, but because I’m actually doing something. Medical examinations are the worst – sitting around for ages, holding still for the benefit of the scanners, or getting blood samples taken.
Since I’m waiting around all the time, either in my box or being examined, I’m damn lucky I have something to do, but kindergarten is keeping me sane and driving me nuts at the same time. I want back the access I had before my accident. I can’t watch any of the entertainment channels, or even try to read books longer than twenty words. I asked about getting access back, and they said I had to reach certain qualification levels. In other words, no play until I’m out of school. It’s obviously an attempt to push me to improve my language skills, but, heck, I’m sure I’d learn lots of useful words watching that silly singing Setari show Nenna liked so much.
Training, even though it’s repetitive and I tire quickly, is like being let out of a cage. While Zan is correct and distant, she’s also patient, and I think it makes training some idiot stray better for her if I try. I do feel a complete gangling gawk beside her; she’s so small and fine-boned. But quite deadly. I saw her practicing when I came in this morning, and was wholly dismayed at the thought of ever trying to move like that, but it seems she’s aiming to train me to dodge, rather than try and hit things. And to be fitter and wheeze less.
Saturday, January 26
Speed trial
I hit a round of tests in my interface kindergarten, and was on the back foot from the start since tests trigger a test environment, and it’s almost like being in a darkened room inside your own head. I could just see the real room. I hadn’t realised how thoroughly the interface could impact my senses, and while Ista Tremmar told me later that the interface is restricted from making people completely blind and deaf for safety reasons, that did not reassure me in the slightest.
The tests were timed, which made them incredibly hard for me, since I barely have a basic command of the language, and it takes me too long to understand exactly what the question is before trying to formulate the answer. So of course I ran out of time and only finished the maths test. I aced maths, but failed the tests overall. And now I seem to be repeating kindergarten, which sucks, since the questions are incredibly easy. I don’t know if I can get better at this language before I die of boredom.
Looking forward to my session with Zan immensely, because it doesn’t matter how badly I speak.
Sunday, January 27
Hands off
Today’s practice didn’t go quite as scheduled.
I was frustrated over failing the tests yesterday, but stepping back and forth is pretty calming, and so is Zan. I was just thinking that maybe I should call her Zen instead when she stopped stepping back and forth and turned to look up.
The practice room is small and bare, with a floor of padded mats and a high ceiling with a window upstairs in one wall so people can watch. Ista Tremmar had been up there earlier, but when Zan looked there were a half-dozen Setari. The most noticeable was a tall blonde guy at the front, his hands raised in fists against the glass as if he’d just hit it. He was glaring down at Zan like he wanted to hit her instead. Then he stormed out of the chamber, most of the other Setari following him.
Two of them stayed, and I was caught up looking at the girl first because I don’t think I’ve seen anyone that gorgeous outside model magazines. She had that antelope look, but athletic rather than stick-thin. Even at that distance I could see her eyes were very black, with big irises and long lashes. Her skin was creamy bronze and her hair was unreal – these two spirals curling down past her ribs. She was almost as unsmiling as Zan, but I think her attitude was mainly curiosity. Not angry, anyway. The guy with her looked enough like her to be her brother (though no long pigtails, heh), and I didn’t recognise him until he tilted his head a particular way to talk, and I realised he was one of the two Setari who had found me on Muina.
Just then Zan told me to go stand in the corner, which totally pissed me off. Even though I’d figured out that there was a yelling match coming, I’m not a dog to be told to sit and stay and get put out of the way. But I went, and just in time, as the door to the hall opened and the blond guy stormed in. There were a bunch of other Setari looking in the door at us, but they stayed there.
"This is it?" the guy was yelling (well, in Taren, you get the idea). "This is your special assignment? The reason we’re all on downtime is you’re playing with some profanity stray?"
Swear words aren’t in my language tool. I can tell it’s a swear word, but not what it means, so it’s like my head says profanity whenever someone swears. I find that funny and annoying at the same time. I need to find someone who is willing to teach me what they mean.
I knew enough of Zan by this time to not be surprised at her complete lack of reaction to some really buff guy standing over her and shouting. She just said: "Stand down," in a curt little voice and went and picked up one of the towels we’d brought in with us.
I’m not so good at not reacting, so when the blond guy turned toward me, I was glad Zan had stuck me in the corner. And I’m pretty sure I did the open-mouthed gaping thing when he suddenly lifted up and was slammed into one of the walls, for all I knew perfectly well Zan was a telekinetic.