We’re all getting quite good at understanding each other speaking, in Taren, old Muinan or Nuran, though often the subtleties of what we’re trying to say is lost. And I was disconcerted to discover that I seem to have introduced a few English words into the general language here – okay, and cool particularly – and I’ve been trying to work out how since The Hidden War didn’t have details of my actual speech, and there’s very little publicly available of me speaking. I think it’s gone out from the Setari and the support staff who work in the Setari building – maybe describing how I speak to people?
Wednesday, November 12
Future
Today was the weekend, and when we asked the kids what they wanted to do, I wasn’t altogether surprised to find that Arcadia was top of their list. Ever since our picnic on the roof was live-streamed, they’ve become extremely reluctant to go outside in exposed places (except possibly Sen, who thinks people being fascinated by her is a right state of affairs, and would probably most like to go visit the café again).
Nils and Jeh were my guards for the day, and Lohn and Mara came along too, but they all stayed off out on the shore while we had another swimming lesson. Lira was more confident this time around, and even Sen started paddling about as they played a game of water chasies. I sat paddling my legs in the water and leaning against Kaoren and feeling a weird sense of achievement every time one of them laughed.
After a group lunch, we all went on a walk to the island’s centre (Nils carrying Sen) and found a grassy meadow not quite in the middle which had things like partridges which shot off into the air and gave me a near heart attack. But it also had butterflies, and Sen revived and ran about trying to catch them. Nils was in a very laid-back mood and teased me mildly, but mostly just watched the kids with a smile while Mara told me about some of the work the senior Setari have been doing with the kids at the talent school. Assisting with talent training is something they’re used to, but the focus is rather different with the Nuran kids – not so intense and purposeful and disciplined.
"Even though the Kalrani were away from their families, they still had a home and returned to it during holidays," Mara said. "And always there was the focus of our purpose. The school here couldn’t be more different. Harder, in a way, for us to deal with."
"It doesn’t help that they think we’re shopping," Nils said. "Or want us to be. It adds a raw edge, although also some high entertainment. Most of the Kalrani try to impress, but they don’t try to sabotage each other in the hopes of winning some secret competition to be adopted."
"There’s only a couple like that," Mara said, with a wry glance at Nils[9]. "The Nuran household structure, full of feuds and rivalries and alliances, hasn’t quite let go of them. Those who have other household members here or in the town seem more secure and comfortable, grouping together. In some ways it helps, but it’s causing a lot of issues because some also tend to act as if they’ve inherited control over anyone who was once of their house. That group that took off to Nurenor, for instance, were almost all from three of the larger houses, and some of those of lower status were simply unable to bring themselves to disobey orders from seniors of the house. And belonging to a major household meant immediate prestige, even if you weren’t at the head of it, and so there’s children who no longer have any semblance of a house and miss it terribly, and even when they have others of their house with them, find that their house has no power here, and they’re in a culture which heavily emphasises individual merit. All this on top of losing their parents."
"And the news service is constantly providing touching adoption stories," Nils said, dryly. "Where lucky brat number 4000 catches a family’s eye and is no longer just one of many powerless orphans herded about with the mass. An immediate gain of security, prestige. The oldest ones are finding it hardest – less likely to be adopted, struggling with schooling requirements they would never have dreamed of, and facing the prospect of filtering to the bottom because no-one is going to reach out and pick them and they’ll be transitioning to being responsible for themselves soonest. And then we go and dangle ourselves in front of them – beyond you showing up and saying I need a few more, we’re probably as close to instant prestige as they can see right now."
"I don’t think I could do that," I said. "Pick, I mean. Sen adopted me, not the other way around, and I got too emotionally involved with all three of them to not keep caring. Lira was the same way – she just happened. But you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?"
I was asking Mara, who nodded. "Jeh, Ketz and Grif, too. Of course, right now we’re all in barracks, and don’t have the same push to retire, but if we can get these houses built, then between us and the school we should be able to manage it. And you’re right – the idea of picking is strangely daunting. Not so much for making a choice which will work for us, but because then there are all these children we didn’t pick. And for every atrocious creature shamelessly trying to win favour, there are a half-dozen who I would be glad to know better. And even the atrocious creatures are breaking themselves apart inside. It’s one of the big downsides to having Muina cut off from a fresh influx of settlers – KOTIS intended to have each and every minor settled with families as soon as possible, because they need that level of care. You only have to look at these four to see how much a sense of belonging does to offset the weight of trauma."
The idea of Jeh, Ketz and Grif kept me occupied for a while, and I still don’t quite know if they’re intending to set up one house together, but I can see how much Mara’s looking forward to the idea of having a home and building a family. She says she and Lohn are thinking of simply having two weddings (commitment ceremonies) to handle having lots of important people on two different planets.
I also couldn’t help but notice that Nils was very quiet the rest of the day. He and Maze, who would both be great fathers, and are both caught up in their feelings for someone who’s dead. Maze, though, seems to be at peace with where he is, while Nils is just cutting himself apart inside. I’m willing to bet Zee and Raiten are bothering him, too – they’re working together on squad coordination to give Maze more time off, and always seem to be off somewhere chatting.
Ys also went quiet in the afternoon. It’s because of going to talent school tomorrow, and she makes me want to tag along and stand over her protectively. Really, given how brave Ys was trying to help Siame and me in the lake, you’d think there’d be some kids there who would see her as more than a servant. But at least I think she’s readier to believe that Kaoren and I value all four of them, and that I have succeeded in creating the sense of belonging Mara was talking about.
Friday, November 14
Friends, Family, Home
9
I’m getting better at not picturing them having sex, but I’m always going to be aware that there’s history there.