But we only went up about three staircases worth of platforms, and stopped before a tall but narrow rift to a white place splashed with washes of colour, with a tall white tower in the middle, big and solid with very familiar arch-shaped doors. The Fourth Squad captain indulged in another staring session, but didn’t try to go through the gate, just stood studying everything he could see.
Since the building had some similarities to those on Muina I immediately guessed it was either a space belonging to Muina or one of these extremely dangerous supports that the Muinans had built in the Ena which had caused everything to fracture. The Fourth Squad captain was being intense enough about it to make me think it was something that important, and since the supports were supposed to be incredibly dangerous I’m glad he didn’t decide to go any closer.
After he was done looking he held out his free hand, which glowed faintly, and made the gate glow faintly in return. And made him go interestingly pale and squish my hand a bit.
There were five gates between the platform space and Tare’s near-space. He did the same thing at every single one of them after we’d passed through, and if there’d been the slightest need for running or killing Ionoth we would have been screwed because whatever making the gates glow was about, it took as much out of him as running up those stairs had me. By the time we’d reached a familiar-looking metal box, I was beginning to wonder if I’d have to carry him, which wasn’t going to happen since he’s six foot two at least. As soon as we stepped through the last gate into the proper world he let go of me, leaned his back against a wall, and closed his eyes, looking so grey I thought he was going to faint.
The shielding door opened almost immediately, after the briefest time for scans. I was swooped on by greensuits and greysuits, while Fourth Squad and a couple of other Setari rushed my rescuer. One of them, obviously a friend since he called him by his first name, said, "Ends, Kaoren, how far did you have to go? I’ve never seen you like this."
"Never mind that." The Fourth Squad captain was recovering, and had straightened up. "Get Third mobilised. I stumbled across one of the Pillars out there, and even with the stray’s enhancement I don’t have the strength to truly lock every gate for five spaces."
He could have announced the sky was falling, the way everyone jumped and stared. Me, I was glad I was so tired, because I knew I was headed straight for endless medical tests and I planned to sleep through them. Which I did, except for blearily answering a few questions about no I really don’t know how I almost got to Earth. The room I’m in now is even more of a box than before, with scanners constantly pointed at me because they’re trying to work out what I did and whether they can stop me from doing it again. They gave me my diary after a day, and it’s taken me forever to write this all down, but that’s okay because my interface has been shut off almost completely while they run tests and there’s nothing else to do.
Lab Rat again. Stray, always. It really hurt to hear that.
But I guess I’ll cope. It makes so much difference that Mum and Dad know I’m not dead. That I got to say goodbye. I don’t know if I will ever be treated as a person here, but I can follow Nick’s lead and look on the bright side of things until I can make them better. I’m not starving. Nothing has eaten me. And somehow, in a way I don’t understand, I have the ability to go to Earth. I don’t want to kill myself doing it, and I won’t ever risk drawing Ionoth there, but now I have a goal beyond being a useful stray. If I can gain control, perhaps I can figure out a way to find a natural gate, and be able to go back to my real life, to being Cass again.
As birthdays go, it could have been worse.
Tuesday, February 12
Psych 101
Maze came to see me after lunch, to talk me through what they’d concluded from all the tests. He didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t figured out already: that I must have some ability to find Earth through the spaces, and then travel there, bashing open gates on the way. While asleep. It’s nothing like any ability they’ve encountered before, and since they work out your abilities by looking for known patterns in the brain, they’ve now decided they really don’t have any idea what I can do and they don’t know how to test me. They think they’ve probably got it wrong about the Illusion casting, too.
Mainly they’re worried I’ll keep tearing holes where they don’t want them, and vanishing.
Maze asked if there was anything he could do for me, which isn’t the sort of thing you ask someone who’s been locked in a room for days on end with nothing to do except wait for the next medical exam. There’s obviously tons of things they could do, but the question is what they were doing. Poor Maze must have wondered why I looked so angry, but because it was Maze I managed to not shriek and rant.
"Thing I need is be less homesick," I said. "Is why that happen, guess. Didn’t go bed think leave tonight. Not scared, upset. Just homesick. But is different now, plus. Family know where am, make big difference. Plus, would choose not go unless find way not tear hole Earth’s shield, bring monsters. Not acceptable. Is found way stop me leaving?"
"In truth, we don’t know. You’re still here, but that may be because you haven’t tried to leave. We don’t know if the extra containment on this room is having any effect on you, but it does help some of the more sensitive Setari, who need dampening on their quarters to sleep properly."
"Bigger box soon?" I asked, hopefully.
"Keeping you in high security intensive care indefinitely isn’t very practical." Maze gave me what I think of as his captain look. "And stop calling it a box."
"Is box long as door lock. What think I do? Go day trip Unara?" My voice had gone flat and hard, and I sighed and shook my head. "Getting tired silly psychology games. Put Cass in box nothing to do. Cass happy do anything, try hard training. Take Cass outside lunch, happy Cass try harder. Cass leave to Earth. Put Cass in smaller box, take away toys."
"You think that’s why we took you to lunch?"
"No." I was embarrassed about being nasty. "First Squad just nice people. But bet Maze report state Stray’s mental health."
His mouth squinched a little, so I knew I was right.
"First Squad, Setari, they useful weapons. Lots rules. Choose be Setari because protect home. I here, not my planet, but owe life. Since can’t go home yet, willing help. Right thing do. Accept rules. But. Kept in box, annoying. Have interface cut back, stupid. If testing, need reproduce circumstance. Different circumstance nullify test. Someone petty? Or punishment? All achieve is grumpy Cass. Then Maze sent talk me."
"Do we seem that manipulative?" He looked really sad.
I shrugged. "Don’t know sure. Could just be big stupid machine forget Cass person. Or is idea make very obedient? Don’t know. Tolerate it, just annoyed." And I didn’t want to push them to worse treatment, the possibilities of which I’d had more than enough time to dwell on. I’d had this horrible nightmare where I’d dreamt there was a scar on my stomach, and found out they’d harvested my ovaries and were trying to breed more amplifiers. And since that really was a logical approach, I’d been freaked out half the day about it, caught between desperately attempting to leave again and telling myself not to over-react. Which was probably why I said any of this stuff to Maze. "Sorry. Not Maze’s fault. What happen big tower?"