Alot of things had been weird to him since yesterday. Tarrin had finally calmed down over the achievement of his childhood dream, and it also allowed him to explore the strange feelings he had towards the Goddess. She had been right, he had never been an overly religious person. The concept of loving a deity was indeed new and strange to him, but it was something that he couldn't deny in himself. Something about the Goddess had touched him on a very deep level, on top of the genuine affection and trust he felt in her. She had always spoken plainly to him. She didn't treat him like a child, and she had made it clear from the beginning what she expected of him and what she wanted from him. Tarrin's Were-cat nature seemed to accept that kind of treatment willingly. Better an honest enemy than a dishonest friend. It was why Jesmind had gone off the deep end after he left her, because she thought that he lied to her, and that shocked her values to the core. Tarrin was more cynical and, in his own way, more worldly than his fiery bond-mother. Jesmind was born Were, and her preconceptions of the world had been set for her. She lived in a very small world full of others that shared those values, and no matter what she said, her ability to function in the human world wasn't as good as she thought. Jesmind would accept whatever anyone said to her as the truth, until it was obvious that he lied. And then she would punish the liar, if she could catch him. Tarrin wasn't quite as trusting as Jesmind.
That made him approach the Goddess from a defensive standpoint, and she had managed to worm her way through his defense and into his heart. But, being a Goddess, Tarrin realized that she knew exactly what to say to manage to pull that off. But his trust in her, his faith, wouldn't let him believe that she was using him. He could tell that she wanted something from him, something that she hadn't said yet, but she had also made that clear, nearly from the beginning. If he asked her straight out if she wanted him to do something for her, she would answer honestly. Tarrin could respect that.
But over it all, the towering love that he felt in her presence, both from her and from him towards her, told him beyond anything that his heart had been won over. She had indeed got herself another follower. But the strange thing was that he had no idea quite how to take it. He understood what gods were, but the Goddess seemed to break all the molds. She wasn't a distant, all-powerful voice that was to be obeyed blindly. She was more like a person than a god, with her own personality, and even a quirky sense of humor. Senses of humor weren't often associated with divine beings, and that sense of humor made her seem more real than if she were to manifest her true power before his eyes. Tarrin felt a very powerful personal connection to the Goddess, and he wasn't sure if that was how she wanted him to feel towards her or not. But that was tough. That was the way he felt, and he wasn't about to change it.
And something told him that that suited the Goddess just fine.
She'd captured him the very first time she talked to him, he realized. When she gave him permission to lie, when she explained what she expected from him, she had him. That planted a deep seed of trust in him that had bloomed into love and sincere faith. She could very well have demanded him to obey her every command, and he would have been bound by both honor and his Were need for honesty to obey. But she allowed him to make his own choices, even allowed him to lie. That had been it. Everything else had just been waiting around for him to make that one simple conclusion.
Tarrin sat down on the bed calmly, holding up the shaeram that graced his neck, studying it. Its black steel shimmered in the light of the cloudy morning pouring through his window. It was the symbol of the katzh-dashi, but it was also the holy symbol of the Goddess, and its design held many meanings. Dolanna had explained them to him once, long ago. But it was what the Goddess had said to him that had been gnawing at him since last night, a night spent reading a book on theology he got from the library. The shaeram is for her, just as yours is for you and the ivory one is for Allia.
The Keeper had given him this shaeram, and alot of the hostility he felt for her was directly attributed to it. Yet the Goddess said it had been for him. And the other two had been direct presents from the Goddess to Allia and Keritanima.
Did the Goddess make the Keeper give him the amulet? Just who had placed the weave on it that kept it from coming off his neck?
Sometimes the Goddess seemed to be listening, and sometimes she didn't. He knew that she could hear his thoughts. She called it listening to his heart, but it was more like listening to his head. He wondered if he could incite her to listen to him.
"Goddess?" he called tentatively. "Are you there?"
Only because you'd be very disappointed if I weren't, she answered impishly. Make it quick, kitten, you have no idea how busy I am at the moment.
"What do you mean by that?"
Your faith is very tentative, she replied calmly. If I weren't to answer, you'd start thinking that what you feel, and what you think I feel for you, are wrong. I can't answer you all the time, kitten, but when it really matters, I'll be here. You were wondering who chained you to that necklace, weren't you? Tarrin didn't answer, and he suddenly felt very guilty for even thinking of accusing the Goddess. Well, I know this will sting, my kitten, but though I didn't place the weave, I fully support it being there. You can't lose that amulet, Tarrin. It's absolutely imperative that you keep it, and it was the only way to make sure that nobody could take it from you. So I nudged the Council into making sure that it won't come off. That keeps you from losing it, and it keeps others from taking it off of you.
"If you can nudge the Council, why don't you nudge them into stopping driving me crazy?"
Things aren't that easy, my kitten, she said. We don't take direct actions like that. You know that. I'm the patron goddess of the order, but that doesn't mean that they all do what I say all the time. The katzh-dashi have duties to perform, the same as the Knights. So long as those duties are being performed satisfactorily, I really don't have the right to intervene. I don't like a great deal of what goes on in that Tower, but I have rules to obey the same as they do.
"But you're the Goddess," he said in consternation. "They have to do what you say!"
Kitten, many mortals don't listen to their gods, she told him simply. And I hate to burst your bubble, but need I remind you that I'm an Elder god. You read that book that explains the distinction last night. Well, we may be more powerful than the Younger gods, but we have more stringent rules on how we can use our power to affect mortals. Human society simply doesn't fall into our sphere of influence, kitten. I can't directly take matters into my own hands, or I'll get in trouble with Ayise.
That seemed strange. He did read the book, and understood the difference between the Elder and Younger gods. The Elder gods were the ten gods created at the beginning. First there was Ayise, the Allmother, and she bore the other nine. The Elder gods represented the primal forces in the universe, the forces of nature and the forces of life. Earth, air, fire water, time, creation, life, death, and magic, those were the forces that were represented by the ten Elder Gods. The Younger gods are all those gods who came after the Elder gods, after the human civilizations took hold. Civilizations that had a need for gods to look over them, gods that weren't busy with running the universe. Many Younger gods had spheres of influence that overlapped the Elder gods, like Talon, who was the Younger god of the forests that also fell under the influence of Leia, Elder goddess of nature, but many Younger gods occupied niches that the Elder gods did not. The Younger gods represented civilization and human nature more than elemental forces. Love, war, hatred, peace, these were represented by Younger gods. Many Younger gods were patrons of entire kingdoms, the way Dallstad was god to the Ungardt, Karas was the god of Sulasia, and Sheniia was goddess to the island folk of the Stormhavens. But some gods, like Talon and Dommammon, god of the moons, overlapped with the Elder gods, and when they did, the Younger gods served the Elders in that regard, taking a bit of the burden off the Elder gods and letting them have more time to deal with mortalkind. The Elder gods were different from the Youngers in that they couldn't be destroyed. A Younger god's power was tied to the mortals who worshipped him, and if there were no worshippers, the Younger god died. If the Younger had been born mortal and ascended into divine status by other gods, then he returned to being a mortal, to live out his natural life. But Younger gods born of other gods, or who were created to fill a need, these simply died. The Elder gods were true immortals, and they existed without the need of mortal followers.