In a way, now there was. He was not going to stay there. Suld was dead to him now, and he had to leave. They planned to go to the desert, to beg sanctuary from Allia's clan. It was as good a place as any. Tarrin felt a distinct lack of interest in wherever his sisters decided to go. He would be with them, but it no longer mattered to him. Very little did, now that his unfinished business was no longer unfinished.
Things had come undone. Keritanima's secret was out. She had commanded the host that reclaimed him, and now everyone knew that she was much smarter than she appeared to be. Allia had almost become unhinged by his abduction, and it had taken some serious talking to convince her to let him handle the vengeance. Vengeance was an important business to the Selani. No crime went without a justifiable punishment. The Knights were leaving the grounds, breaking away from the katz-dashi over what they had done to him. The Cathedral had been purged, and it left precious few priests afterward to care for it and the congregation. The entire city was under martial law, as the King sent out his army to reclaim control of the streets after the fighting touched off a riot in the Market Quarter. It was a chaotic mess, but it was something that barely captured his attention. It was as if he had switched himself off, shutting down the parts of himself that felt or reacted to feelings. The only thing that came through that was anger, a towering, seething fury that demanded for those who hurt him to suffer in kind.
It will pass, my kitten, the voice of the Goddess called to him. Like all things.
"Goddess," he said in a calm, defensive voice. "You knew."
I knew, she admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me!" he shouted suddenly, rushing up to the statue. He fell to his knees by the lip of the fountain's pool, and the water inexplicably stopped pouring from the fountain's upper layer. He thrust his paws out at that statue, manacles on his wrists, showing them to her. "I deserved to know that they did this to me!"
Yes, you did, she agreed. But why I didn't tell you is exactly why you are here now. Does branding the Keeper change what has happened? Did crippling Jula make your pain any less?
"She betrayed me!" he screamed.
And you betray yourself by reducing yourself to her level, she replied sadly. You are a dry branch in a bonfire, my kitten. Your instability makes you dangerous, so I did not tell you. I would not tell you, even if I could have. If only for the sake of those around you.
There was no way he could refute that. If he had known the truth earlier, he probably would have lashed out and killed the entire Council. And that would have made things very, very messy for him and his sisters.
Things have come to you of their own volition, kitten, she said in a gentle voice. These were things that I couldn't tell you, because they would have interfered with the choices that you have made. And it is time for you to make them.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, curiosity overwhelming the anger he was starting to feel against the Goddess.
You have an understanding of what is going on now, she explained. It is time for you to choose where you are going to stand within it.
"What do you mean? Is this about that Firestaff thing?"
Of course it is, my kitten, she replied. Right now, that is the most important thing in the world.
"What is it, Goddess?"
The Firestaff is an ancient artifact, kitten, from a time before the Blood War. It was created so long ago that there is nothing left of those who made it, and all history of them has been lost over the ages. It holds the power of creation inside it, an echo of the power that Ayise used when she created the world. If someone were to hold that staff on a certain day, and at a certain time, that power would be imbued upon the holder, and he would become a god. That day comes every five thousand years. And that day is approaching us soon, my kitten. Right now, half of the people on Sennadar are scrambling to find that staff, dreaming of immortality and godhood. But most of them don't realize the terrible price that they'll have to pay, and the damage it will do to the world.
"What do you mean?"
Tarrin, that power will exist outside of our rules, and that means that the new god will have no constraints. Ayise will be powerless to stop him, because he will not be one of her children. We will have to rise up and destroy the invader, because his very existence will threaten the Balance. Tarrin, my kitten, such a war would make the Blood War look like a skirmish. It would destroy every nation in the world, and send Sennadar hurtling back into the stone age.
Tarrin's eyes widened, and he gaped up at the statue.
Can you imagine what horror that would bring to the world? It's not something that we Gods relish, believe me. But we could avoid all of it, my kitten. If someone trustworthy were to find the Firestaff and keep it away from everyone else, that day could come and go without anything drastic happening. It would be harmless for the next five thousand years, and the world would continue on as it has been.
"Me," he breathed.
You, she agreed. The katzh-dashi created you, literally, to find the Firestaff. You represent their best chance to locate it. Myriam Lar intends to lock it away, but as you saw, the Tower is not a secure place. I can't trust my order to take care of it, my kitten. So that leaves me with you.
It is much to ask of you, Tarrin, she said sadly. All you want is to live in peace. I know it, and it pains me to ask anything more of you. You've suffered enough. And, to be honest, that is something that you can do. You could leave here and return to Aldreth, or go to the forest, and live in peace. But if someone gets the Firestaff and uses it, then your peace won't last. I can't say one way or the other what would happen if you don't do this for me, my kitten. Things could turn out alright, but they also could not. I'm not one to sit around and trust to blind luck.
I can't trust my own order now. Believe me, Tarrin, I had no idea they managed to infiltrate my Sorcerers so thoroughly. I have you, and you represent everything I always tried to endear in my children. But I also know that I can't force you to do anything. I can only ask you. It's not something I would ask lightly, my sweet child. It will be a dangerous road, and its outcome is uncertain. There is a very good chance that you won't live to see the end of it. But of all those who seek the Firestaff, you, Tarrin Kael, Mi'Shara, you have the best chance to succeed.
Would you be my champion, Tarrin Kael? Would you seek out what must be sought, and protect it from those who would use it to harm our world? Would you take up my quest? Or will you return to the forest, or seek shelter among the Selani? Either way, I will still love you. Your decision, your choice, it is your own, and either way, I will support it. But there comes a time, my kitten, when the needs of an individual are outweighed by the needs of the many.
It is this choice that I have been preparing you to make, Tarrin. You must choose between danger and safety, pain and tranquility. Mine is the longer road, full of danger and sharp corners, but at least its ending is much more certain than the much easier path.
"But why me?" he asked plaintively. "Why give such trust to me? I don't even trust myself!"
Think about it, she replied. What does being a god represent to a mortal? It represents immortality, and it represents power. Tarrin, my sweet kitten, you already have both. What more would being a god bring to you? I know your heart, my kitten. Such things are not what you desire. All you want out of life now is a small cottage in the forest, where you can simply live. Of all the mortal-kin on Sennadar, you have the least ambition to such a lofty position, and that makes you the most dependable of them all.