“Nice shot,” said Jack. “Right on the back of his head.”
“His conversation tired me,” said Eddie. “What a most unpleasant man.”
Jack took the lid and helped Eddie down. Eddie went over and bit the ragged man on the nose.
Jack said, “Don’t do that.”
“I think we had best be on our way,” said Eddie. “I’ll just bet they have policemen in this city too and I don’t think I want to meet them.”
Jack shook his pistol about. “This is really odd,” he said. “First the wristwatch, now this pistol. I wonder.” Jack pulled a grenade from his pocket and removed the pin.
“No, not here,” said Eddie.
“I just want to test a proposition.” Jack hurled the grenade and ducked. And Jack counted, too, up to twenty.
“Doesn’t work,” said Jack. And he pulled out his remaining weaponry from his pockets and tested it, too. And none of that worked either.
“This I find worrying,” Jack said, and Eddie agreed.
Eddie tested the gun that he had, and as this didn’t work either he tossed it away. “We’ll be in trouble when we finally track down our other selves,” he said. Miserably.
“Well,” said Jack, “looking on the bright side once again, given that amazing automobile we saw, I’ll just bet they have some really amazing weapons here.”
“Well, that we already know,” said Eddie. “Don’t we? The death rays and everything.”
“If they come from here,” said Jack. “Perhaps they came from Chicken World.”
The ragged man made moaning sounds.
“Time to go,” said Eddie.
They reached the end of the alleyway and looked out at the world beyond, the world of men. And men were moving now, out and about on Hollywood Boulevard. Well-dressed men and women, too. The men wore fedoras and double-breasted wide-shouldered suits. The women wore colourful dresses; they looked most appealing to Jack.
“Now, Eddie,” said Jack to the bear, “I don’t want you to take offence at this, but I think it would be better if I carried you. It would appear that in these parts talking bears are the exception rather than the rule.”
“I’d gathered that,” said Eddie. “I’m not stupid, you know. I’m as intelligent as.”
“Then if you’ll pardon me,” said Jack, “I’ll carry you, Mister Bear.”
And so Jack carried Eddie along the boulevard.
And what Jack saw he marvelled at. And not without good cause. The bright storefronts displayed wondrous things, things all new to Jack, although not perhaps new – different, maybe.
There were electrical stores, their windows filled with radio sets and televisions and record players and washing machines, but all of a style unknown to Jack, as were the garments in the clothes stores. Jack lingered long before a trenchcoat shop. Eddie urged him on.
“Low profile,” whispered Jack. “Please behave yourself.”
And soon Jack stood before Mann’s.[24]
Jack looked up in awe beyond awe.
Then Jack looked down at the pavement.
“Handprints,” he said to Eddie, and he set the bear down and he gazed upon them. “Clark Gable,” whispered Jack. “Shirley Temple, the Marx Brothers – I wonder what this is all about.”
“They’re movie stars, of course.” The voice was the sweetest of voices, and it issued from the sweetest of lips.
Jack looked up at the speaker. A pretty girl looked down.
She wore a colourful dress that reached to her knees, beneath which rather shapely legs reached down to elegant shoes.
Jack’s eyes lingered on these legs before moving up, with some deliberation, to view the pretty face of the speaker. It was that of a flame-haired beauty with stunning green eyes. A girl who was roughly Jack’s age.
“Movie stars?” said Jack.
“Of course. What did you think they were?”
Jack rose slowly to his feet. He did not possess the nose of Eddie, but this girl smelled beautiful and Jack drew in her fragrance.
“You’re sniffing me,” said the pretty girl. “I don’t think that’s very nice.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Jack. “If I was rude, will you please forgive me?”
“It doesn’t matter, you’re funny.”
“Am I … I …”
“My name is Dorothy,” said Dorothy. “I’m from Kansas. Where are you from?”
“England?” Jack suggested.
“I knew it,” said Dorothy. “I recognised your accent at once. England is so romantic. Do you know the Queen?”
“Oh yes,” said Jack. “Very well.”
“And do you wear a bowler hat and take your tea at three?”
“Every day,” said Jack. “With the Queen, naturally.”
Eddie made a growling noise.
Dorothy looked down. “What a sweet little bear,” she said. “Is it yours?”
“Mine,” said Jack. “His name is Eddie.”
“Eddie Bear, how cute. Might I pick him up and give him a cuddle?”
“I wouldn’t advise it,” said Jack. “He’s a bit smelly.”
“You’re a bit smelly, too,” said Dorothy. “You smell of poo.”
“An unfortunate incident,” said Jack, “but in the line of business. My name is Jack, by the way, and I’m a detective.”
“A detective, how exciting.” And Dorothy put out her hand and Jack most gently shook it.
“I’m an actress,” said Dorothy. “Or will be, as soon as I’m discovered.”
“Discovered?” Jack asked.
“By an agent. I’ve got my publicity shots, and I’ve been around to lots of agents, but they’re not very nice. They want you to do … things.” Dorothy cast down her eyes.
Jack felt he could imagine what things. “And so these are the handprints of famous movie stars?” he said.
“Yes,” said Dorothy. “And mine will be here one day. Once I’m discovered.”
“You’re a very beautiful girl,” said Jack. “I’m sure someone will discover you soon.”
“I hope so. I don’t like what I’m doing now.”
“What, talking to me?”
“No, I have to work as a kitchen maid in the hotel just up the road. The Roosevelt.”
“Ah,” said Jack.
“It’s very hard work, but at least it allows me to do a bit of good.”
“In the kitchen?”
“Well, not really in the kitchen. I package up all the leftover food that the rich people don’t eat and leave it in the trashcan outside for the homeless. There’s a poor old man who lives in the alley – the scraps I leave are his only food.”
“Ah,” said Jack once again.
“But I will be discovered. And when I am, and when I’m wealthy, I’ll feed as many of those poor souls as I can.”
“That’s a very wonderful thing to say,” said Jack. “You are a beautiful person.”
“But tell me about you,” said Dorothy. “You’re a detective. That must be very exciting. Do you catch a lot of criminals? Did they send you over from England on a special case? Are you working for the Queen, or is it the President?”
“Well,” said Jack.
And Eddie growled again.
“It’s been lovely to meet you,” said Jack, “but we, that is, I have to be going.”
“Won’t you stay for just a little longer, have a cup of coffee?”
“I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t have any money.”
“It’s only a cup of coffee, I’ll pay.”
“No, I couldn’t, really.”
“Oh please, it will be my treat and you can tell me all about England.”
“Well,” said Jack.
And Dorothy smiled upon him.
“Just one cup,” said Jack, and he gathered up Eddie.
And then Jack strolled along Hollywood Boulevard. And he felt rather good, did Jack. Rather “Top of the world, Ma”, as it happened. The sun shone down and here was he, with a beautiful girl on his arm. And as Jack walked on, smelly as he was, he caught the occasional envious glance from a young male passer-by.
“Now this is the life,” thought Jack to himself. “I could make a home in this place. Perhaps I could set myself up as a private detective, and take a wife, perhaps a wife who was a movie star. Yes, this is the life. I really love this place.”
“We’re here,” said Dorothy. “This is it.”
24
Now, again for those who harbour an interest in such things, it is to be stated that Mann’s Chinese Theatre can truly be described as the jewel in Hollywood’s crown. Created in the late nineteen-twenties by Sid Grauman, this oriental-style folly, with its sixty-nine-foot-high exotic bronze roof and its wealth of architectural detail, dazzles the eye and is the palace for the ‘royalty’ of Hollywood.