Dahl stayed silent, regretting his lapse. Seemed like no matter what he did he constantly upset the opposite sex these days.
“So, Mai, you’re staying for good this time then?” Kenzie loved the conflict.
“I might be persuaded to take a week’s leave just to drop you off where you belong.”
“Really? And where do you think I belong?”
“Some kinda hellhole. Atoning for all those you’ve directly or indirectly caused harm.”
“And I guess you never hurt anyone, eh?”
Mai gritted her teeth. Dahl could hear the grind. “Be careful, Kenzie,” the Japanese woman hissed.
“Oh, my. Did I say something wrong?”
A guard they recognized stood up ahead. Dahl engaged him in a little chit-chat as the others stood in a twitchy silence. It occurred to him again that maybe they should get rid of Kenzie as soon as possible, the thief appeared to present no more than a wart on the skin that held the team together.
Best not to explain it that way though.
The door to their office stood open just ahead, inviting, welcoming, but through the gap Dahl could see nothing — only a deep patch of darkness. Shrugging off his own worries he wondered what might await them within.
Nevertheless, he walked straight through.
CHAPTER FIVE
Hayden and Kinimaka had been sat alone, awaiting the team’s arrival since around 5:30 p.m. They kept the office dark and quiet, equipment switched off or dimmed down low, so they could sit side-by-side on a desk and talk.
Hayden swung her legs back and forth. “I’m trying to be totally honest here, Mano. We’re not unsteady. We’re not facing obstacles. We’re fucking fucked.”
The Hawaiian looked morose. “Because I didn’t want you to torture a guy?”
“That was weeks ago. And he deserved it. But it’s not that. It’s deeper.” Hayden couldn’t bring herself to fully explain the problem — it involved her view that Kinimaka hadn’t been man enough to take things all the way — and not just on that occasion — and how that demeaned him in her eyes. The same thing had happened with Ben Blake. Shit, she thought. Poor Ben. I hope you’re happy, my friend, wherever you are.
“I love you,” Mano said simply, maybe a bit desperately. “I worry about you. All the time.”
Hayden felt faraway. “Did you ever consider our future? I mean — look at our lives. Do you think there’s a beautiful wedding day for us? A Hawaiian honeymoon? Do you think we’ll end up at Disneyland with our kids?”
Kinimaka’s face went a little soft. “Why not?”
Hayden now saw the gulf that stretched between them. “We won’t change.”
“Everything changes.”
“Then change it now. All of it. You. The whole SPEAR team. No one’s irreplaceable. Let’s disband and go private.”
Kinimaka breathed deeply in surprise. “You want to disband?”
“I put my career first, no matter what,” she said. “And I need strong people by my side to lean on.”
“This team works,” Kinimaka said. “You know it does.”
“Then it would work anywhere.”
“Wait.” Kinimaka held up a hand. “Just wait. I thought we were talking about us.”
Hayden swung her legs faster. “Shit, Mano, we are. I’m full-on, remember? You’re cautious.”
“Out of the two of us, who’s been shot the most?”
“Oh, hold my ribs before they crack from laughing.”
The Hawaiian stopped all movement as the desk gave an alarming creak beneath him. Hayden felt a lightening in her chest; his clumsiness and fear of it had always been one of his most endearing features to her. He spoke whilst staring at the floor.
“If you love me, don’t let go.”
“There’s more to it than—”
“No. It doesn’t matter whether it’s between adults or if it’s your kids. There are always tough moments, moments you want to take flight. But don’t. Fight it. Don’t run away from those you love.”
Hayden hadn’t expected that from Mano. Despite her mind, which was already made up, she took pause. She held back the words that hovered on the tip of her tongue and took a long breath.
“Do you have any suggestions?” she said instead. Lame but workable.
“Shit, no.” Mano laughed.
Hayden saw shadows crossing the doorway and the unmistakable figure of Torsten Dahl passing through. It was time to put the game face on. Time to go to work. She wondered for a further moment if she should go easier on Mano and propose they simply take a break, but then remembered his words and their long history and the way he’d once made her feel.
Another chance. We’re worth that.
Kinimaka jumped down from the desk, almost toppling her as the enormous weight shifted. Dahl smiled at the unintended antics.
“You two,” he said. “You’re a fine comedy couple.”
Hayden didn’t smile at all. That was what she was afraid of.
CHAPTER SIX
Drake winced a little when he realized Alicia and he were about to enter the office last. That sent every pair of eyes twitching in their direction, and wasn’t helped when, as he opened his mouth to say hi, Alicia nipped him painfully on the ass.
The greeting squeaked out in a strangled cry.
Mai’s face was unreadable; Beau’s an illustration in resigned acceptance. Dahl looked over as tolerantly as he might indulge his children.
“You made it then.”
“Good to see you, Matt,” Hayden said.
“Big session was it?” Kenzie slipped in, upsetting four people at once, not quite a record for her.
Drake addressed the greetings in turn. “Dahl. Any more vacation plans we need to clear our schedule for? Hayden, ’ow do? Kenzie, go fuck a doorknob. And why the hell are you still here?” He smiled at the almost unnoticed Yorgi, sat in a corner.
“No prison can hold me.” She shrugged.
“Be nice to test that.”
“How are you, Matt?” Mai asked nicely.
“Am fair t’middlin’,” he answered, then added, “That’s Yorkshire for ‘ok’.”
“I know.”
Alicia stepped around him. “What? Am I friggin’ invisible?”
“We can wish,” Kenzie said.
Alicia rounded on her. “With you, bitch, there’s no we. Only I. Don’t think you’ll ever fit with this team.”
“Still sore ’cause I kissed ya? Or just sore?”
Alicia clenched her fists, but Hayden had already seen it coming and jumped off the table. Her words doused all the rising tempers.
“The new Secretary of Defense is about to be announced.”
“Already?” Dahl said. “That’s great.”
“The President’s office says they’ll be up to speed in a couple of days.”
“We don’t have a great track record where secretaries are concerned,” Smyth said gloomily. “Probably best to keep him at arm’s length.”
Drake saw a fleeting expression of hurt twist Hayden’s face and wished there was a way to turn Smyth off sometimes, knowing how close she had been to Jonathan Gates, the man who’d originally had vision enough to create and support the SPEAR team. That made him think of other people they had lost along the way. Ben. Sam and Jo. Romero. Kennedy Moore. And Komodo.
Just to name the first few.
He saw the same distant looks in several of his colleagues’ eyes, including Dahl’s, and wondered if it was always a soldier’s lot to keep departed loved ones alive by remembering them, day after day, night after night, year upon year. If so, that was fine and right.
The best we can all hope for is that somebody remembers us when we’re gone.