“I’ll remember.”
The apartment was dark when he returned to it. He let himself in and checked Robin. She was curled on her side, her thumb in her mouth. She sucked her thumb only when she slept.
He went to the big double bed. He undressed quietly in the darkness, went to the bathroom and urinated. When he was on his way back to the bed she said, “You can flush it. I’m not asleep.”
He flushed the toilet. “I thought you were out. I was hoping you’d be able to sleep.”
“I can’t just yet, but I’m getting a little drowsy, baby. My head is still making circles but they’re slowing down a little. I took a trank.”
“I hope it wasn’t a Librium.”
“No, it was Valium. Librium would have been a bad idea.”
“A very bad idea. I didn’t know we had any Vals, or I would have gotten one into you before.”
“I took the last one. I almost took a sleeping pill but I didn’t. Are you proud of me? I’m proud of me.”
“I’m proud of you. Who was going to give you the sleeping pill?”
“I still have a couple of reds.”
“Christ.”
“I had them hidden. Isn’t that disgusting? Only a couple, Petey. Not enough to kill yourself if you wanted to, and I would never do that anyway. I don’t think I would.”
“It’s such a bad drug. People kill themselves by accident. They have one and they get groggy and forget they took it so they take another, and they empty the whole bottle that way and never wake up.”
“I’ll throw them out tomorrow. I swear I will. I’ll give them to you and you can throw them out. You’re right. They’re scary. To kill yourself by accident. Isn’t that what happened to Marilyn Monroe? I’ll give them to you and you can — did I say something wrong, baby?”
“Just a mental connection. Nothing.”
“Oh, I didn’t ask you about the show.”
“It was fine. I think I’ll have a jay before I go to sleep, but I don’t think you should have one.”
“No, I don’t want to smoke.”
“I’ll just have enough to get a little buzz. I don’t want to be very high.” He got the plastic vial and a pack of cigarette papers and rolled a skinny cigarette. He smoked half of it, then pinched it out and emptied the stub back into the vial. “That’s enough,” he said. “Just to soften the edges.”
“Come to bed, Petey.”
He lay down beside her and she turned to him. “I’m going to come out of it this time, Petey. I can feel the wires loosening. I’ll be better.”
“I know you will.”
“I wish I knew it. All I can do is think it and not be sure. You’ll help me.”
“Sure.”
“I can’t stay a hundred percent clean, but I can at least balance myself. Don’t leave me, Petey.”
“I won’t.”
“Hold me, Petey. Just hold me. Make us be warm. It’s so cold out there, and there are men with long sharp knives. Hold me.”
Linda was just drifting off to sleep when there was a knock at the door. Her mind was beginning to shift from thought to dream, and for an instant she tried to fit the knocking sound into the dream pattern. Then it registered — a knock on the door — and she sat bolt upright, her heart pounding.
Was it Marc?
But Marc wouldn’t knock. And Marc would not come back. Marc, once gone, would never return.
Then who?
The knock was repeated. She considered who it might have been. Peter, coming to pay her the thirty dollars? It seemed unlikely that he would bother her so late at night, but if he was sufficiently stoned it might seem like a good idea to him. Whoever it was, she couldn’t imagine why she should answer the door. She had been to sleep. All right — if she left the knock unanswered she could slip back into sleep and that would be the end it. If only whoever it was would go away—
Another knock. And a voice she didn’t recognize: “Miss Robshaw?”
Oh, the hell with it. “Who is it?”
“Mr. Jaeger.”
“Who?”
“Sully Jaeger. Sully.”
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour but I couldn’t help it, I just closed the restaurant a few minutes ago. Could you open the door?”
What did he want at this hour? To tell her she’d have to vacate the apartment? But he wouldn’t barge in on her in the middle of the night to throw her out. Then again, he might very well throw her out if she refused to let him into his own property.
“Just a minute.”
She always slept nude. Now she grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater and got into them hurriedly. She looked like hell but she was damned if she would comb her hair and brush her teeth for his benefit. She went to the door and opened it and asked him what he wanted.
“Really sorry to disturb you,” he said. “I thought you just might be up, so many theatrical people keep late hours, and I’m going to be out of town tomorrow and it couldn’t wait. So I took a chance.” He tried a smile. “I’d as soon be in bed myself.”
Was that double entendre or was she getting paranoid?
“I’m not in the theater.”
“Well, Mr. Hillary.”
“Mr. Hillary doesn’t live here anymore.”
“I know. That’s what I heard, and this evening I had a fellow over to the place asking did I have a vacancy, and he has to know one way or the other. What I wanted to know is whether you’ll be staying on now or not.”
“I’ll be staying.”
“Well, fine. I’m glad to hear that.”
“You are?”
“I always get the rent on time and I never had the slightest bit of trouble from you. I’d much rather have you here than take a chance on somebody else, and with somebody new you’re always taking a chance.” The same smile again. “Besides, you’re prettier than he is. You do more for the place’s image, I think they call it.”
“Thank you. Is that all?”
“How’s that?”
“Is that all you wanted to know?”
“I guess that’s the size of it.”
“Well.”
He scratched his head. “I guess it’s no strain for you financially. Fifty a week is a tougher rent to pay when there’s only one person paying it.”
“I think I’ll manage.”
“You’re working for what’s-her-name over at the mall—”
“Olive McIntyre.”
“Yeah, I see a lot of her husband. Sell liquor in this town and you’ll see a lot of old Clem. What are you, working part time for her?”
Would he never leave? “That’s right.”
“She can’t be paying you a hell of a lot.”
“Pardon me?”
“I said she can’t be—”
“Mr. Jaeger, is there a point to all of this?”
He scratched his head again and flashed the smile. “Well, matter of fact, there is. I don’t want to barge right in with it—”
I’ll fucking bet you don’t.
“—but it occurs to me that working for Clem’s wife can’t pay you enough to get by on, and maybe you could use either a full-time job or some additional part-time work. I generally look to hire two extra waitresses around the first of June for the summer season, but we’ve been doing fair business the past couple weeks and it wouldn’t hurt to get another girl any time now, and I thought if you need work you might be interested.”
For a moment she felt guilty for having guessed he was dropping back to throw a pass. Then she realized she was supposed to fed guilty, and he was preparing to make a pass.