He met her at the door. She told him he shouldn’t have waited up for her.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he said.
“Aren’t you going to ask?”
“What should I ask? All right, I’m asking.”
“Well, you already know the answer. You know what I did, you just don’t know who with.”
“Who was it?”
“I’m not going to tell you that. It doesn’t matter anyway, does it?”
“No, I don’t suppose it does,” he said. He walked away from her and sat down on the living-room couch with his hands cupped over his knees. She followed him and sat in a chair across from him. He said, “I hope you enjoyed yourself.”
“Sure, I enjoyed myself.”
“That’s good.”
“He wasn’t as good as you, but I enjoyed myself. And he enjoyed himself, and I needed that.”
“Yeah, I suppose you did.”
“So now you got an excuse,” she said. He looked at her. “To divorce me. I went out like a tramp and got screwed all night and now you got an excuse to divorce me. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“No. No, that’s not what I wanted.”
“I’m not so sure of that.”
“Is that what you want? A divorce?”
“What I want is for you to want to screw me, and you won’t, so let’s not talk about what I want.”
“I told you—”
“I know what you told me. You told me a lot of shit about business and taxes. All your headaches, but you only get those headaches at home. Those headaches don’t get in the way when you’re with one of your other girls.”
“I don’t have any other girls.”
“I know I’m stupid, Sully, but you can’t think I’m stupid enough to believe that. Don’t you think I know you better than that? You’ll fuck anything that’s warm. You’ve had your girls since we were married. I always knew about it.”
“And it didn’t bother you?”
“Just at the beginning, but I got over it right away. I knew what you were like before I married you. And I thought why the hell should it bother me when you and I had such a good thing going. You always had it for me, so if you had some left over for the rest of the world that was your business. Wait a minute. Jesus, I’m stupid, all right.”
“What?”
“This always happens, doesn’t it? With your other three wives. The same thing. All of a sudden they don’t turn you on anymore. It’s not you trading them in when you’re bored. It’s you not being able to do anything and then the whole thing goes to hell from that point. Tell me if I’m wrong.”
He had closed his eyes and he kept them closed now. “You’re not wrong.”
“Something else I just realized, and I’ll bet I’m right. You never wanted a divorce. You don’t want to divorce me and you didn’t want to divorce them. It was their idea.”
He nodded.
“Tell me something else. You never had this conversation with any of them, did you?”
“No.”
“Well, that’s something.”
“It is? Why?”
“I’m not sure but it is. I’m gonna make some coffee. You want a cup? I’ll just make instant.”
“If you’re having some.”
When she brought the coffee she sat beside him on the couch. After awhile she said, “There’s doctors for kind of thing, too. You know. Psychiatrists.”
“They don’t do any good.”
“You tried?”
“With my first wife I would of tried anything. The guy kept asking me all this crap about my childhood. Things I couldn’t remember if my life depended on it. Finally he told me the one sensible thing he ever said, which was that I should try it with another girl and see if it was the same. By that time I had already figured that out for myself and I tried it and I was my usual self. So I decided that it had to be her, something gone wrong between us.”
“And when it happened the second time? With your second wife, I mean.”
“Then I had to face facts, that it was me.”
She put her cup down and turned to him. “This is very interesting,” she said. “I’m glad we’re talking. You ever have trouble with other girls?”
“Never.”
“It always works. They don’t have to do anything special or anything.”
“All they have to do is be there.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Same as it used to be with us.”
She looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment, then turned away and sipped coffee. Without looking at him she said, “Truth time. Do you want a divorce?”
“No. Unless you do, in which case you’ve got it. For me, no.”
“Even if I screwed a guy tonight?”
“Even if you did. I hate it that you did, but what right have I got?”
“Suppose I made a habit of it.”
“You mean with one particular guy?”
“No, I don’t mean with one particular guy and I don’t mean walking around town with a mattress on my back. I mean doing what you do.”
“Sauce for the goose,” he said.
“Not exactly, but I’ll tell you, I needed what I got tonight.”
“Uh-huh. Well, as to how would I feel, I don’t know how to answer you. As far as people talking I never paid attention yet, but how I’d feel, hell, I don’t know.”
“I don’t know.” She got to her feet. “I’m kinda sleepy,” she said. “How about you?”
“I don’t know. Tired, but I don’t know if I could sleep. But I know I should. I’ll come up with you.”
He lay in bed beside her trying to figure out how he felt. It was a strange feeling and he could not understand it. She had been with another man and he felt that it ought to bother him more than it did. It was on his mind, it was very much on his mind, yet it did not genuinely bother him, and he wondered why that should be.
After awhile he said, “You won’t tell me who it was?”
“No. Would you tell me who was the last girl you laid?”
“You tell me and I’ll tell you. No, come to think of it, I see what you mean. Tell me this. Do I know him?”
“I don’t know who you know and who you don’t know.”
“Well, tell me who he is and I’ll clear that little point up for you. Just joking. Where did you go with him?”
“A motel.”
“Meaning he’s married. If people stopped fucking each other’s wives they’d take motels and make parking lots out of them. Was he good? You already said he was good. What motel did you go to?”
“So you can check the register?”
“Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I don’t even know why I asked. I was just trying to picture it.”
“Well, just picture me in a room with somebody and let it go at that.”
“How many times?”
She sat up. “Hey, what is this?”
“How many times did he screw you?”
“What do you want to know that for? Twice.”
“Two times. You come both times? I guess you did, enjoying it that much.”
She was silent for a few moments. Then she said, “I came the first time and not the second time. I don’t have to come to enjoy it.”
“He go down on you?”
“Next time I’ll take movies. I don’t—”
“Did he or didn’t he?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Some gentleman you picked. How about you? You go down on him?”
“Jesus, I don’t believe it. Yes, as a matter of fact I did. What’s the next question? Was he circumcised? Yes, he was. Did he come in my mouth? No, he didn’t. I don’t get it with these questions.”
“I don’t get it myself,” he said. A few minutes later he touched her arm and said, “Come here a minute.”
“I was just falling asleep.”
“Not until you see the present I brought you.”