“What do you mix it with? Does it go with soda?”
“It might, but we don’t have any. Water?”
“Sure.”
She poured the drinks, Karen’s with ice and water, her own neat. She drank hers straight down and poured herself another before returning to the bedroom.
Karen said, “I think I like this better than scotch. It has a cider taste along with a booze taste. What’s it like straight?”
“Try some.”
“It’s not bad. I’d have to get used to it.”
“Yeah, some things take getting used to.”
“And some people get used to certain things pretty quickly. You’re blushing, Melanie.”
“I know it and it’s crazy. I shouldn’t be able to blush in front of you. You’re my sister.”
“That’s what it’s like, isn’t it?”
“That’s exactly what it’s like.”
“You came, didn’t you?”
“God, did I ever! I never thought.”
“I knew you would. But I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t, because you had to find your way there by yourself.”
“I never dreamed you could come from doing it.” “Don’t you with men?”
“Sometimes. Once in a while. Not like that, though. Karen?”
“I bet I know the question. How many girls have I done this with?”
“You don’t have to answer.”
“Why not? Two. Well, three. You’re the third.”
“Is that all?”
“Uh-huh. I’m mostly into guys. With a girl I have to have a special feeling. Well, with guys, too, but it’s a different feeling with girls. There aren’t as many girls that I have that feeling for.” She thought for a moment. “I didn’t know that I had it for you. You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want to, but I didn’t come with this in mind. Not consciously in mind, anyway. I really came over to talk with you.” A soft smile. “It didn’t take me long to get in the mood, did it?”
“Or me. I... thought about this before.”
“Before I made a pass? I know when you thought about it. I saw it in your face. When we were talking about being lonely.”
“You saw that? But I mean before tonight. I thought about making love to you. I don’t think I would have done anything. I just kept it in my mind. I never thought you would go for it.”
“That is really far-out.”
“Yeah.”
“It really is.”
“Could I ask you about the other two girls? Did they have experience?”
“The second one did.”
“Not the first? Jesus, how did either of you know what to do?”
“It was kind of funny. But, you know, we had both read things. Books. We knew what to do; it was a question of knowing how to get into it. We thought the best way would be sixty-nine, but it turned out to be a down. You can’t get into both things at the same time.”
“I was wondering about that.”
“It’s the same as with a man, you’re trying to hold two things in your mind at the same time. It’s easier to get it together behind grass but even then it’s better to take turns.”
“What’s it like with a nigger? I mean with somebody black.”
“One word’s as good as another, I guess.”
“I don’t really like that word. I say it sometimes; though. What’s it like?”
“Both of the girls were white.”
“I mean a black man.”
“I never made it with a spade. Oh, you mean the guy I brought home. I can’t think of his name.”
“Jeff.”
“You remembered and I didn’t. No, we didn’t make it. I was going to and I got uptight. Either because he was black or because I brought him home because he was black and that was dishonest and it bothered me. You never made that scene?”
“No. Sometimes I think I want to and sometimes I think I don’t.”
“I fooled around with some black guys at college. It never got past, you know, hand jobs. No particular reason. There’s not much difference. No, that’s bullshit, there’s a tremendous difference. At least for me, because you keep being conscious of the color. Not constantly but now you are and now you aren’t. For a minute you’ll be into the person and the color gets out of the way, and then it keeps fading back in on you. Maybe you get used to it. I didn’t, because I guess I turned out to be more hung up on race than I thought I was.”
“That’s very honest.”
“Well, Virgo.”
“I would never get past the color. I would keep hearing the word ‘nigger’ over and over in my head. If I got turned on that would be what turned me on. Don’t they have bigger cocks?”
“Not the ones I knew. Bigger when they were soft but about the same hard.”
“I’m only interested when they’re hard.”
“So am I.”
They giggled together. Then Melanie said, “Were both the girls at college with you?”
“Uh-huh. I learned a lot at college, but not what they wrote about in the catalog.”
Were you in love with either of them?”
“Both of them. I don’t like to ball if I’m not. Oh, I see. Sure, I’m in love with you, Melanie.”
“Jesus, don’t even say that!”
“And you’re in love with me. What’s wrong with that? Oh, wow, you’ve got more hangups than I thought. Do you really think you can only love one person?”
“Well, one person at a time.”
“Do you love your husband? Are you in love with him?”
“Yes, very much.”
“But you ball other guys.”
“There’s no love in it.”
“Isn’t that kind of sad?”
“Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know. I’d be afraid.”
“Isn’t it worse to ball them and not feel anything? I don’t mean in a moral way. I mean how you wind up feeling about yourself.”
She closed her eyes and thought about the question.
“You can always tell me to cool it with the questions, Melanie. Just because I’ll answer just about anything doesn’t mean you have to.”
“That’s not it. I’m just not sure of the answer.”
“Well, that’s cool. I can dig it. Hey, what time is it, do you happen to know?”
“Let me see. It says a quarter to ten but that clock’s a little fast. Do you have to be somewhere? I wish you would stay.”
“I was thinking about your old man.”
“Oh, he won’t be home for hours. Tonight’s Thursday? We have hours.”
“Because I was wondering what he would do if he walked in and found us like this.”
She couldn’t help laughing. Karen joined her, and when the laughter subsided the girl said, “I guess he’d have a fit.”
“Oh, no. Not Sully.”
“You mean he’d dig it? I’ve heard that. That it turns men on. And they don’t consider other chicks as a threat, not as if it was another man.”
“No, that’s only part of it.”
“Huh?”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Do you want to know something? I’ve been going out of fucking mind lately.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know if I can tell you. I never told anyone. That’s what’s killing me, wanting to tell somebody and there’s nobody in the world to tell. I mean a woman, it’s nothing to talk about with a man. Or maybe it is but not in the same way.” She studied Karen thoughtfully. “What we said before about being sisters. I still feel that. But I couldn’t tell this to a sister, I mean a regular sister. I have this feeling that I could tell you.”
“I would never repeat anything.”
“Oh, I know that, you don’t have to tell me that. I have the feeling that I could tell you this and it wouldn’t shock you.”
“I was going to say nothing could shock me, but that’s bullshit. Some things shock me. But never the things you would expect. I think you better tell me before you explode, whatever it is. I guess it has to do with sex.”