‘How do you mean?’ he said.
‘The … city is getting too big,’ said Mr Windling. ‘In the old days the gates were kept shut, not left open to all and sundry. And people could leave their doors unlocked.’
‘We didn’t have anything worth stealing,’ said Mr Cartwright.
‘That’s true. There’s more money around,’ said Mr Prone.
‘It doesn’t all stay here, though,’ said Mr Windling. That was true, at least. ‘Sending money home’ was the major export activity of the city, and dwarfs were right at the front of it. William also knew that most of it came back again, because dwarfs bought from the best dwarf craftsmen and, mostly, the best dwarf craftsmen worked in Ankh-Morpork these days. And they sent money back home. A tide of gold coins rolled back and forth and seldom had a chance to go cold. But it upset the Windlings of the city.
Mr Longshaft quietly picked up his boiled egg and inserted it into an eggcup.
‘There’s just too many people in the city,’ Mr Windling repeated. ‘I’ve nothing against … outsiders, heavens know, but Vetinari let it go far too far. Everyone knows we need someone who is prepared to be a little more firm.’
There was a metallic noise. Mr Longshaft, still staring fixedly at his egg, had reached down and drawn a smallish but still impressively axe-like axe from his bag. Watching the egg carefully, as if it was about to run away, he leaned slowly back, paused for a moment, then brought the blade round in an arc of silver.
The top of the egg flew up with hardly a noise, turned over in mid-air several feet above the plate, and landed beside the eggcup.
Mr Longshaft nodded to himself and then looked up at the frozen expressions.
‘I’m sorry?’ he said. ‘I wasn’t listening.’
At which point, as Sacharissa would have put it, the meeting broke up.
William purchased his own copy of the Inquirer on the way to Gleam Street and wondered, not for the first time, who was writing this stuff. They were better at it than he would be, that was certain. He’d wondered once about making up a few innocent paragraphs, when not much was happening in the city, and found that it was a lot harder than it looked. Try as he might, he kept letting common sense and intelligence get the better of him. Besides, telling lies was Wrong.
He noted glumly that they’d used the talking dog story. Oh, and one he hadn’t heard before: a strange figure had been seen swooping around the rooftops of Unseen University at night, HALF MAN HALF MOTH?{34} Half invented and half made up, more likely.
The curious thing was, if the breakfast table jury was anything to go by, that denying stories like this only proved that they were true. After all, no one would bother to deny something if it didn’t exist, would they?
He took a short cut through the stables in Creek Alley. Like Gleam Street, Creek Alley was there to mark the back of places. This part of the city had no real existence other than as a place you passed through to somewhere more interesting. The dull street was made up of high-windowed warehouses and broken-down sheds and, significantly, Hobson’s Livery Stable.{35}
It was huge, especially since Hobson had realized that you could go multi-storey.
Willie Hobson was another businessman in the mould of the King of the Golden River; he’d found a niche, occupied it and forced it open so wide that lots of money dropped in. Many people in the city occasionally needed a horse, and hardly anyone had a place to park one. You needed a stable, you needed a groom, you needed a hayloft … but to hire a horse from Willie you just needed a few dollars.
Lots of people kept their own horses there, too. People came and went all the time. The bandy-legged, goblin-like little men who ran the place never bothered to stop anyone unless they appeared to have hidden a horse about their person.
William looked around when a voice out of the gloom of the loose-boxes said, ‘’scuse me, friend.’
He peered into the shadows. A few horses were watching him. In the distance, around him, other horses were being moved, people were shouting, there was the general bustle of the stables. But the voice had come out of a little pool of ominous silence.
‘I’ve still got two months to go on my last receipt,’ he said to the darkness. ‘And may I say that the free canteen of cutlery seemed to be made of an alloy of lead and horse manure?’
‘I’m not a thief, friend,’ said the shadows.
‘Who’s there?’
‘Do you know what’s good for you?’
‘Er … yes. Healthy exercise, regular meals, a good night’s sleep.’ William stared at the long lines of loose-boxes. ‘I think what you meant to ask was: do I know what’s bad for me, in the general context of blunt instruments and sharp edges. Yes?’
‘Broadly, yes. No, don’t move, mister. You stand where I can see you and no harm will come to you.’
William analysed this. ‘Yes, but if I stand where you can’t see me, I don’t see how any harm could come to me there, either.’
Something sighed. ‘Look, meet me halfway here— No! Don’t move!’
‘But you said to—’
‘Just stand still and shut up and listen, will you?’
‘All right.’
‘I am hearing where there’s a certain dog that people are lookin’ for,’ said the mystery voice.
‘Ah. Yes. The Watch want him, yes. And …?’ William thought he could just make out a slightly darker shape. More importantly, he could smell a Smell, even above the general background odour of the horses.
‘Ron?’ he said.
‘Do I sound like Ron?’ said the voice.
‘Not … exactly. So who am I talking to?’
‘You can call me … Deep Bone.’{36}
‘Deep Bone?’
‘Anything wrong with that?’
‘I suppose not. What can I do for you, Mr Bone?’
‘Just supposin’ someone knew where the doggie was but didn’t want to get involved with the Watch?’ said the voice of Deep Bone.
‘Why not?’
‘Let’s just say the Watch can be trouble to a certain kind of person, eh? That’s one reason.’
‘All right.’
‘And let’s just say there’s people around who’d much prefer the little doggie didn’t tell what it knew, shall we? The Watch might not take enough care. They’re very uncaring about dogs, the Watch.’
‘Are they?’
‘Oh yes, the Watch fink a dog has no human rights at all. That’s another reason.’
‘Is there a third reason?’
‘Yes. I read in the paper where there’s a reward.’
‘Ah. Yes?’
‘Only it got printed wrong, ’cos it said twenty-five dollars instead of a hundred dollars, see?’
‘Oh. I see. But a hundred dollars is a lot of money for a dog, Mr Bone.’
‘Not for this dog, if you know what I mean,’ said the shadows. ‘This dog’s got a story to tell.’
‘Oh, yes? It’s the famous talking dog of Ankh-Morpork, is it?’
Deep Bone growled. ‘Dogs can’t talk, everyone knows that. But there’s them as can understand dog language, if you catch my drift.’
‘Werewolves, you mean?’
‘Could be people of that style of kidney, yes.’
‘But the only werewolf I know is in the Watch,’ said William. ‘So you’re just telling me to pay you a hundred dollars so that I could hand Wuffles over to the Watch?’
‘That’d be a feather in your cap with old Vimes, wouldn’t it?’ said Deep Bone.
‘But you said you didn’t trust the Watch, Mr Bone. I do listen to what people say, you know.’