The golden girl reappeared, lambent and drowsy and still somehow precisely the same distance away from Luce, although she had to be much farther from the surface now. Anais’s face guttered, its deep internal light disturbed by a play of darkness. For an instant Luce thought that Anais’s lips were moving, as if she was murmuring something in her sleep.
Rationally, of course, Luce knew that Anais was dead. Her lifeless body was thousands of miles away from the surging Pacific. Even now scientists might be stroking her flesh with shining blades, opening her cold chest to search for any sign that she’d been anything but human. Whatever she was seeing, Luce reminded herself, it wasn’t actually Anais.
She could tell herself that, but she couldn’t persuade her heart that it was true. She couldn’t stifle her longing to know what Anais was saying and to talk with her one last time. Maybe, now that they’d both lost so much, they would finally make sense to each other.
“Anais?” Luce called. Even the dusk light was gone now, crushed by the enormity of the water above. Night saturated the deepening brine, and an immense weight began to squeeze Luce’s ribs from all sides at once. “Anais? Can you wake up? There’s something I need to tell you.”
But what? Luce thought. Anais had saved her own life, though only for a time, by betraying her fellow mermaids. She’d murdered larvae, she’d tried to kill Dorian, and she’d deliberately shattered Luce’s father’s mind. But somehow, unfathomably, Luce couldn’t make herself feel any anger toward her old enemy. All she wanted was to heal the hatred between them, soothe the malice Anais had felt toward Luce ever since—
Ever since Luce had helped transform Anais into a mermaid. It had been the only way to stop Catarina from drowning her, but still . . . All at once Luce understood what was troubling her, what made her blood fight inside her as she stared at those always- retreating, gold-lashed eyelids: whatever Anais had done, Luce’s own choice was at the root of it.
“Is that why you hated me?” Luce asked softly. “Because I changed you, and maybe you would have rather died the way you were?”
Anais’s lids fluttered at bit as if she were gliding through the fringed edge of a dream. Her long hair waved as if it was trying to communicate with an unknown but graceful sign language. Luce had completely forgotten how far she was from the surface now, or at least she didn’t care. Anais had something to say to her, something important, and this was their final chance to forgive each other.
“Anais?” Luce called again. The sullen weight of the water gripped her body. It kneaded the air from her lungs and mashed own her scales against her flesh until they felt like biting coins. “If that’s the reason . . . everything went so wrong, then I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you because of me. Please . . .”
Anais blinked dark and gold, dark and gold. Her eyes finally opened, but they were the whitish blue of nimbus clouds and seemed perfectly blind. The last time Luce saw her she was smiling.
Smiling like an evil dream. Luce’s lungs were burning.
Well, she told herself, you said you didn’t care what happened to you, Lucette. Not as long as you could end the war.
40 The Forever World
“So she went off to get some sleep, Cala,” Yuan said a little brusquely. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Luce has been seriously burned out ever since those mermaids got pulled out of the water. Whatever. I wish she’d stayed up to celebrate with us tonight too, but it’s more important for her to rest.” Yuan and Cala were hovering ten feet below the surface. Through the thick rippling ceiling above them the wave-wall appeared like a long rag of glowing lace. It was already significantly lower. Yuan had been gradually removing singers from the line for hours, and Cala thought Yuan’s nerves must be fraying from overwork and exhaustion.
“She isn’t in her hammock,” Cala said. “I checked there first. Yuan, I know you’re busy! I wouldn’t bother you if this wasn’t serious.”
“Then she’s with Dorian. Good, I like him. I think he’ll really help her recover from all this craziness.” Yuan’s lips pinched as she surveyed the line of mermaids. “Awright, that’s been long enough since the last one. Hey, Eileen? Lower your voice nice and slowly, okay? You’re done here.”
Eileen nodded, her strawberry blond hair tossing with the movement. Filaments of light from the bridge curved around her face as her song began to drop through a long series of fading, silky tones.
“She isn’t with Dorian, either,” Cala insisted gently. All at once she was afraid that Yuan wouldn’t be able to cope once she understood that Luce was truly missing.
“How do you know?” Yuan’s snappishness only made Cala more concerned. “Of course they wouldn’t be making out right where everyone could see them!”
“Because he’s been looking for her too. Paddling around in that kayak. We’ve both been searching every place we can think of, and she just isn’t anywhere. Yuan, I don’t want to freak you out, but we have to send out search parties or something.”
For the first time Cala saw Yuan’s eyes light with genuine concern. Eileen was just leaving the line, swishing below them. “Hey, Eileen?” Yuan called down.
“Yeah?” Eileen reared back to look at them, her tail sweeping above her head in an immense C.
Everyone was just so tired, Cala thought. The exhilaration of victory seemed thin and wispy now compared to the weariness of their long struggle.
“You’re not off duty after all. I’ve got a brand-new assignment for you. General Luce is missing, and we need to get as many lieutenants as we can to organize search parties. Get a few of the girls who are just playing or whatever and go. I’m giving you the coast around Sausalito.”
Eileen groaned. “The war’s done, Yuan. If Luce wants to disappear she can go right ahead. I’ve got somebody else to look for.”
“Like who?” Cala snapped.
“My sister, Kathleen Fain. She hasn’t showed up here yet, but I know she’s going to.” Eileen looked so miserable that Cala melted. “The only thing that would stop her would be if she’s dead.”
Eileen swirled onward, and Yuan grimaced with exasperation. “I’d come help you search if I could, Cala. But I’ve got to keep on directing everyone lowering the wave until it’s completely finished.” Yuan sighed and tipped in the water as if she wanted to lean her head on something, but there was nothing there except a twinkling constellation of tiny silver fish. “Luce—she wouldn’t give up on herself now, would she? I mean, we won the war, and nobody really believed we’d be able to do that! Luce seriously better not have done anything stupid. I’ll kick her ass if she—”
“That’s exactly what I’m worried about,” Cala admitted. “Luce giving up. Like, she might think nobody needs her anymore? Now that we’ve won?”
“Of course we need her!” Yuan’s beautiful face was crumpling even as her voice rose furiously. “And what about her dad? And Dorian?”
Strong as Yuan was, Cala thought, the strain was obviously getting to be too much for her to handle. “I’ll organize the search parties. I just need to be able to tell everyone you agreed we should do that. Okay? Yuan, you don’t have to worry. We’ll find her.”
“Report back here right away if you find anything! I swear, Luce is getting bitch slapped if she even thinks about doing anything besides being totally happy from now on! You tell her that!”