"That's right," Leonard said. "But when it comes out of your mouth, it stinks. My name's Leonard. Leonard Pine."
"What you want . . . Leonard ... is me to respect you because you're black," Cantuck said. "Not because you're worth a shit. You want me to be polite and sweet when all you've done, the both of you, from the first moment I've seen you, is come on with an attitude. An attitude that says: We're better than you. We're smarter than you. We're a couple of hip-hop guys ... I believe that's a term they use, isn't it?"
"Close enough," Leonard said. "But not around my house."
"Not once," Cantuck said, "have you treated me with the respect deserving of any human being, or someone of authority. Yet, you expect me to be all sugar and syrup and suck your dick."
"You did sort of threaten us," I said. "You even pulled your gun on me. That seems to have faded from your memory."
"I don't deny it. But you fucked with me, treated me stupid, then wanted me to give you a hand job and smile. I don't think your mamas would be proud of the way you two have conducted yourselves."
To tell the truth, neither did I.
"There was that talk about the fire department and being burned up with white trash and a nigger," I said. "Remember that?"
"I wanted you scared, out of here, before somethin' happened we'd both be sorry for. You two being sorry while it was happening, and me after I heard about it—for about five or ten minutes, anyway. You see, it's not bad enough I got you two pencil dicks, I got the Texas Rangers now."
"Texas Rangers?" I said, and thought I looked pretty innocent. Charlie damn sure wasn't fucking around. He'd gotten on the horn the minute I hung up.
"This nig hung himself here," Cantuck said. "Word's got around it ain't no suicide. Maybe that was your gal, Florida did that, got "em stirred. Maybe it was you. But about five minutes ago I got the call. They're sending in some Ranger dick to look things over. Show our not-so-smart three-person police force how the horse ate the apple. I don't like it. I don't like you. I wish you were both home. I wish your daddies had pulled out right before comin'. That way, the two of you wouldn't be nothing to me or nobody else."
We sat for a moment. I said, "Can we fill out the missing person report now?"
"When you do, why don't you head back to where you come from. Find someone else to insult and make fun of. I can't help my balls, boys, and I can't help that I believe the Bible insists that blacks and whites not intermingle, outside of work and a few laughs together."
"Shit," Leonard said, "you and me ain't been laughing none at I all."
"Bottom line is," Cantuck said, "when I'm not worked up, I'm not so bad. And I can do my job. You leave, I won't be worked up. She's around here, I'll find her. She's gone somewhere, I might find that out. Black and white ain't gonna have anything to do with that."
We sat in silence for a moment. Cantuck reached down be-j hind his desk, came up with a stained coffee can. He spat a stream of tobacco into it, put the can back. Some of the juice ran over his bottom lip and down his chin. He wiped it away with his sleeve. He looked at his sleeve. "Bad habit," he said. "Wife hates it. My boy used to call it slime. Let's get a report for you to I fill out. And Smartest Nigger?"
"Yassuh, Massa, Chief," Leonard said.
"Stay away from Officer Reynolds. He's not a nice man like ] me. And don't forget your hat."
Cantuck stood up and we stood up with him. Cantuck said, I "Before you boys go, would you mind dropping a coin or so in these charities? I try to support them, get others to do like-I wise."
We were blank for a moment, then slowly Leonard opened his I wallet, took out a dollar bill and rolled it tight and pushed it I through the slot of the MD container. I did the same.
We went into the office where the secretary once again sat behind her desk. The Chief followed us out. Reynolds wasn't there. Cantuck had Charlene give us a missing person's report. I filled it out and gave it back.
Cantuck picked it up the moment I laid it down. "All right . . . Mr. Hap Collins," he said, reading my name off the report. "Me and this investigation are open for business."
He went back to his office and closed the door.
Charlene looked at the closed door, looked at Leonard.
"Like the hair," Leonard told her.
Chapter 15
When we left Cantuck's office, we saw Officer Reynolds standing in the hallway near the exit, adjusting a plastic rain cover on his straw hat. He turned and looked at us. He carefully withdrew a Tootsie Roll Pop from his shirt pocket, unwrapped it, and tossed the wrapper on the floor. He stuck the pop in his mouth, winked at us, went out into the rain.
I said, "Think you could take him, you had to?"
"I don't know," Leonard said. "I don't know the both of us with clubs could take him. But the trick is, we don't let him know we think that."
"Frankly, I don't think it matters what we think."
"Know what? I sorta think he's cute."
"Oh, shit."
"I'm not kidding, Hap. I like the way he sucks that Tootsie Roll."
"He's a thug."
"I didn't say I liked him. I just wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Tootsie Roll Pops either."
"Jesus, Leonard. He wouldn't get in bed with you unless it was to tie you to it and set it on fire."
"Wow. Really think so?"
Leonard chuckled. I picked up the Tootsie Roll wrapper and put it in the trash container by the door. Leonard put on his hat and we went outside.
We got drenched going out to the car. Leonard cranked the engine, turned on the heater.
"I feel kinda bad about Cantuck," I said. "I wanted us to push him, see if he knew more than he was letting on, but I feel kinda mean-spirited."
"Hell," Leonard said. "I did all the pushing."
"Making fun of a man's balls is pretty low, you know?"
"I admit I feel a little bit like a horse's ass myself. All those pictures of his kid, weird shit with the charities. I feel sorry for him. What did you tell me the boy died of?"
"Muscular dystrophy."
"Yeah, well, just because he loved his son and likes charities, doesn't mean he isn't a worthless dick."
I could feel my wet jacket sticking to Leonard's upholstery. The heater was slow to work. My stomach grumbled from hunger and need of coffee.
I said, "I hate to sound like you, but just because he's a dick doesn't mean he's a real villain."
"Jesus," Leonard said, "you're right. I'm starting to sound like a knee-jerk liberal asshole. I been around you too long."
"When I was growing up, Leonard—"
"Oh, Christ, another parable."
"Listen. My dad had the worst rhetoric you ever heard. He could get so worked up over 'the niggers,' he would vibrate."
"I've known people in my family to be the same way about whites."
"Yeah, but you know, one time I went down to my dad's garage, and there were a bunch of little black kids there, laughing, and my dad was giving them five-dollar bills. Apiece. It wasn't like we had lots of money, and when the kids were gone, I said, 'Dad, what are you doing?,' and he said, 'I was afraid they might be hungry.'
"Dad hated the black race, but liked them as individuals. He hated some as individuals too, but you get my point."
"I do."
"I'm not defending his racism. I detest it. I think that's one reason I hate it so much, my old man being that way, and otherwise being just the kind of man I wanted to be."
"Just because your old man was a good man, does that mean Cantuck is? It's hard to believe he'd go out of his way to worry about some black girl that might have gotten killed."
"You knew my daddy, it would be hard to believe he would give five dollars apiece to a handful of black kids too."
"We're not dealing with your daddy, though. This Cantuck, we know nothing about him. Say he wouldn't do anything to hurt Florida, he's still convinced she's out shacking up. Blacks are all a bunch of animals to him. He figures all we want to do is eat and fuck."