Charlie was sitting behind Hanson's desk. I was in a chair against one wall, and Leonard was in a chair against the other. We were supposed to be in a cell like Mohawk and the little guy with the burned head and the others, but we weren't. You might say we were getting special treatment. We were also getting a shadow show.
Charlie had the overhead light out and he had the desk lamp on, and he was using his fingers to throw shadows on the wall, make shapes. He did a pretty good dog and duck, but after that everything else looked like a spider.
"How about that?” Charlie said. "How's that?"
"It still looks like a spider," I said.
"I got to practice some more," Charlie said. "I got me a book now. Wife says I ought to have a hobby, so I got this. It relaxes me, but the wife thinks it ain't much. She wants me to go to the gym and work out, but this way, I can stay home and sit in the easy chair with the big light out, use the end-table light to throw a few shadows. I get tired of it, I watch a little TV. Look here, this one looks like a pussy, don't it?"
"How in hell do you get a cat out of that?” I said.
"No, a pussy. You know, a vagina. Women have 'em."
"Oh, yeah," I said. "I faintly remember."
"Look here, it does, don't it? It's kind of a dark V, ain't it?"
"It looks like a spider with its legs pulled in," Leonard said. "And don't tell me that book of yours has a section on shadow vaginas."
Charlie stuck out his middle finger and wiggled it. "This one's for you, Leonard."
A blue suit opened the door and light flooded in and the blue suit came in with it. He stopped and looked at Charlie and Charlie's hand shadow.
"What's this look like to you?” Charlie asked him.
"What?"
"The shadow, Jake, the shadow."
"Oh. I don't know. It looks like a shadow."
"Swell," Charlie said.
"Hey, listen," Jake said. "Chief ain't in—"
"Surprise, surprise," Charlie said.
"And Lieutenant Hanson's out."
"He's on his way."
"Well, we got a guy in cell three, he wants we should call his wife, tell her to tape a National Geographic special on bears. We got to do it now, he gets to catch it. It starts in fifteen minutes."
"What?” Charlie asked.
"He's gonna miss it," Jake said. " 'Cause he's gonna be here tonight. Drunk and disorderly."
"What the hell does he think we're running here?” Charlie said, not looking at Jake, but wiggling his fingers in such a way that brought him back to his shadow shape standards. A dog,
which he made a barking sound for, then a duck, which he quacked for.
"I'll tell him no," Jake said.
"I guess you will," Charlie said. "I can't believe you came to me with that shit. Wait a minute. “Charlie swiveled in the chair and looked at the cop. "A National Geographic special?"
"On bears," Jake said.
"Hell, call her. I ought to be glad it's not Charlie's Angels, some shit like that. Maybe we're getting a better class of criminal in here. Go on and do it."
"All right," Jake said, and closed the door.
"Can we go?” Leonard said.
Charlie was back to trying to make a pussy. I think.
"Go?” Charlie said. "You fuckin' me? You burned your next-door neighbor's house down. That's three times, man. First time you and Hap did it, we worked it out. Second time you did it, we worked it out. But you're gonna have to take up shadow shapes or something, Leonard. Quit this arson. We could put you behind bars so long, you got out, hair on your balls would be white."
"They're scum, Charlie," Leonard said, "and you know it."
"I went around burning houses belonged to scum, this town would mostly be a cinder."
"Bullshit," Leonard said.
In the middle of our examining another of Charlie's shadow shapes, the door opened again. It was Lieutenant Marvin Hanson this time. He was framed by the hall light behind him, and it made him look like the Golem. His black skin was all shadow and no features. He watched Charlie a second, then closed the door and turned on the light. I suddenly realized I preferred looking at him in the dark. That rugged face of his could be scary.
"Talent show's over," Hanson said. "And so's sitting behind my desk."
"Yassuh," Charlie said, and he eased out from behind the desk and took a chair and lit a cigarette.
Hanson went over and sat down behind his desk, swiveled his chair and looked at Leonard.
"Well, well," Hanson said, "If it isn't the Smartest Nigger in the World."
"Hi," Leonard said.
"That's the N word again," Charlie said to me.
"Yes," I said, "but it's two black guys talking to one another, so we've got the same problem as before. Is it racist, politically incorrect, or all in fun?"
"Ain't nothing fun about it," Hanson said. Then to Leonard: "You dumb motherfucker. I'm sick of your goddamn cavalier attitude.”
"They killed a kid last year," Leonard said.
"He took the dope on his own," Hanson said.
"He was a kid," Leonard said.
"All right, all right, one house burning is okay," Hanson said.
"But twice? Then three times? You got to respect my position here."
"Your goddamn Chief of Police has ties to the fucks who provide that house, and you know it," Leonard said.
"That's a point for Leonard," Charlie said. "He's right. You know it, I know it, the guys in the slammer know it. They know too they'll be out of here come morning. If it takes that long. They'll be suing Leonard, most likely."
"Shut up, Charlie," Hanson said.
"Yassuh, Massuh Marvin."
"That's kinda racist, isn't it?” I said to Charlie. "A white guy doing slave talk?"
"Think so?” Charlie said.
"Will you two assholes shut up?” Hanson said.
I could see "Yassuh" forming on Charlie's lips, but he decided to just wiggle them instead. Wise choice, I thought.
"What are these two fucks doing in here watching you and your fucking shadows?” Hanson said. "Why ain't they in a cell?"
"I figured they were kind of guests," Charlie said. "I mean, hell, I like 'em."
"Yeah, well, I don't," Hanson said. "Especially the Smartest Nigger in the World here. He's always doing what he wants. He doesn't think the law applies to him. He's some kind of crusader. Some kind of vigilante. Yes sir, he's the Smartest Nigger in the World."
"I don't know," said Leonard. "I hear great stuff about you and Jesse Jackson."
Hanson moved suddenly, and considering his size, it was a fast move. He grabbed the lamp on his desk and jerked it hard enough the plug came out. He threw it at Leonard, who slipped casually sideways in his chair, as if avoiding a punch. The lamp went by and hit the wall and exploded. Leonard and Hanson both stood up.
There was a beat of silence during which a lot of things could have happened, but didn't. Finally, Leonard smiled. Then Hanson smiled. Hanson and Leonard slowly sat back down. Hanson said, "Shit, my ex-wife gave me that desk lamp."
"And what a special little prize it was," I said.
"What I do when I lose a family heirloom," Charlie said, "is I
go get drunk."
"That sounds about right," Hanson said. "Boys, get your coats."
Chapter 3
Hanson said, "Can you believe that, two bears fuckin', right there on the television set?"
We were at Hanson's house watching the National Geographic special. Hanson and Charlie were drinking lots of beer. Leonard was nursing one, and I was having a Sharp's nonalcoholic beer. I'd given up drinking because I thought it was stupid and expensive and not very healthy.
Beer, however, didn't hurt Hanson's and Charlie's feelings.
Charlie said, "Actually, Marve, my man. Them bears are neither on, nor in, the set. Those bears fucking is recorded on videotape or something. Then they play it back so we can see it. You see those trees? That grass? It's spring there behind them. That means those bears could have done this fucking a year or two ago. Anytime really."