All exit.
SCENE FOUR — BRIEFING 2
Daniel enters upstage in his major’s uniform. He begins to walk downstage.
Daniel Nostalgia.
Melancholia.
Wind contusions.
Soldier’s heart.
Abreaction.
Effort syndrome
NYDM (not yet diagnosed — mental)
NYDN (not yet diagnosed — nervous).
Exhaustion.
Battle exhaustion.
Combat exhaustion.
Shell shock.
Neurasthenia.
Traumatic neurosis.
Psycho neurosis.
Fear neurosis.
Battle neurosis.
Lack of moral fibre.
Old sergeant syndrome.
War syndrome.
Combat fatigue.
Acute stress disorder.
Acute stress reaction.
Combat stress reaction.
Post-combat disorder.
Post-war disorder.
Post-traumatic illness.
Post-traumatic disorder.
Post-traumatic stress disorder.
Daniel exits.
SCENE FIVE — COMMON ROOM
The common room of a PRU. A group of wounded and injured soldiers congregates around a singing teacher who leads them in ‘The Grand Old Duke of York’.
All
The grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men.
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.
And when they were up they were up,
And when they were down they were down,
And when they were only halfway up,
They were neither up nor down.
Singing Teacher No, no, no. Stop, stop. Enunciate, enunciate. The Grand Old Duke of York!
Leroy (wheeling away) This is bollocks.
Singing Teacher Leroy. Leroy, where are you going?
Leroy For a fag.
Leroy exits.
Others begin to drift away.
Singing Teacher Right, OK. Yes, OK, let’s take a break. Fifteen minutes. Back here at two!
The Soldiers disperse. Chris is on his laptop. Frank inserts a DVD into his and starts working. The others sit in a group.
Ali Who does he think we are? The Army Wives’ Choir?
Marc Ah come on! It’s for BLESMA. You have that leg off and the cash we raise’ll be going straight to you.
Ali Well, we’d better come up with something better than ‘Grand Old Duke of York’ then, hadn’t we? Cos last time I checked a top-of-the-range C-leg cost more than fucking 50p.
Roger Sixty grand. That’s what I heard. Same as a Javelin missile.
Richard I took out a Tali with one of those once. Fucking pink mist mate, pink mist.
Ali That, my friend, is the power of economics. They pay a farmer ten dollars to take pot shots at you, and you fucking obliterate him with sixty grand’s worth of missile.
Roger All’s fair, like they say.
Charlie In war maybe. Not in fucking love.
Ali You’re not still bleating about your missus, are you?
Charlie Yeah, I am actually. You got a problem with that?
Darren I’m telling you, you’re better off without. Mine fucked off before I got back. I wasn’t even injured yet. They look nice enough, but they’re all fucking nuts.
Ali Yours didn’t even look that nice.
Roger That’s no way to talk about your mother, Ali.
Ali Fuck you.
Darren He’s a got a point. Not that I ever saw that much of her. Which was a bit ironic seeing as she worked for Ann Summers. Had sex toys coming out of my ears, but no sex. Three double penetrators but no one to fucking penetrate.
Becky enters wearing her prosthetic leg. She carries a clipboard.
Becky Anyone still want to sign up for kayaking down the Amazon?
Dave When is it again?
Becky September.
Dave Can’t. Rowing the Atlantic.
Frank Kilimanjaro.
Ali Is Harry on this one?
Becky No
Ali Right, I’m in.
Marc Cheryl Cole?
Becky Not yet, Marc, but I’m sure if you ask her nicely. Anyone else? Last chance to put your name down. Come on, guys, any volunteers?
Ali, Marc, Richard, Roger and Simi exit. Becky exits.
In the brief quiet we hear Chris on the phone. Darren begins to fall asleep.
Chris It’s blue. On the top. There’s a go-faster stripe down the side? No? Oh, OK, well thanks.
He hangs up, looks up another number from his screen and begins to dial.
Leroy enters. Charlie has taken the sock off his stump and is massaging his scar.
Leroy How come your stump’s so fucking Gucci?
Charlie Gucci? What’s so fucking Gucci about my stump?
Leroy The scar. Yours is well neat. Mine’s like a fucking arse.
He rolls up his trouser leg.
Look, it’s got bum cheeks and everything. I could fart out of this fucker.
Charlie You should get some ink on that.
He looks at it more closely.
I mean, I was going to make mine a shark’s mouth. But that. You’re halfway to a whole face there. Or even a knob.
Leroy Already got one of those thanks. Don’t need another one.
Darren stirs.
Darren Unless you’re into double penetration.
He falls back to sleep.
Leroy What did he say?
Charlie Do you still feel yours?
Leroy My knob?
Charlie No! Your legs.
Leroy Yeah. Not always, but sometimes. If I sit on the floor it feels like my legs are going through the floor. It’s fucking weird.
Charlie I get this itch in my ankle. The one that isn’t there any more? Drives me fucking mad. Feels like my whole leg is in a really thick ski boot.
Chris Um, Nike, I think. Yeah, Nike.
Leroy Charlie, you been offered much porn work?
Charlie What?
Leroy Porn. Since you lost your leg? You been offered any work?
Charlie Er, no?
Beat.
Why, have you?
Leroy Yeah. Loads.
Charlie Really?
Leroy Yeah. Must be a double amputee thing, I guess.
Charlie That’s sick.
Beat.
You ever do it?
Leroy Went along once. But, nah. Didn’t follow through. She was really fat. And she had this weird birthmark.