Codeine, Tramadol, Fentanyl, Oramorph, Paracetamol, MST, Amitriptyline, Diazepam, Mirtazapine, Citalopram, Ranitidine, Omeprazole, Lactulose, Butran, Ibuprofen, Venlafaxine. Co-codamol.
The lights fade down on the repeating song.
SCENE SIX — SOMEONE TO HOLD
Lights up on a Psychologist talking to Charlie, who sits in a wheelchair without his prosthetic leg. As they talk the silhouette of a Vallon man sweeping for IEDs is seen upstage.
Psychologist … Severe allergic reactions: rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, throat, or tongue; unusual hoarseness; chest pain; confusion; difficult or painful urination; disorientation; excessive sweating; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever; hallucinations; loss of coordination; mental or mood changes, agitation, depression, red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin, and … seizures.
Charlie Severe nausea? Vomiting; diarrhoea; headaches; suicidal thoughts — cos I need more of those, right? — Loss of appetite; tiredness; weakness; pale shit and dark piss.
Beat.
And I mean, that’s just the Tramadol. Wait till you hear about the Venlafaxine –
Psychologist It’s OK, Charlie. I see your point. The meds aren’t helping?
Charlie No. The drugs, as the song says, don’t fucking work. I mean, yeah, they work, but at the same time they mess everything up.
Psychologist Like?
Charlie Sleep. Attention. Anger. Sex.
Psychologist How are things with Lauren?
Beat.
Charlie I don’t know. Answer me this, Doc? How can you be angry at someone for loving you too much? She’ll try and help me, or cuddle me — oh, yeah, cuddling, that’s the worst — and I’ll be like, ‘Get the fuck off me!’
Psychologist You’ve lost interest in sex?
Charlie No. Yes. I mean … you get back and you think what you want is a slut. It is. You think you’ll want to do all that stuff you’ve been dreaming about doing for six fucking months in the desert. But when you do get back, you don’t. You don’t. The juices aren’t flowing. Not the actual juices, no problem there — but you know, the metaphorical ones. You want something else instead.
Psychologist And what’s that? What do you want?
Charlie Exactly what she’s offering. That closeness, the contact. But when she does. There’s this fucking distance and I just want to be alone. On my own.
Dave enters and approaches the Psychologist.
Dave She doesn’t understand. She thinks I’m a lazy bastard. I know she does. She gives me these fucking chores, these lists. And then the meds knock me out. Or I haven’t slept for days because of the flashbacks. And what the kids say. That’s the worst. ‘Daddy, are you drunk?’ ‘Why is Daddy sleeping all the time?’
Psychologist Have you tried explaining things to them?
Dave Like what? How every time I see them I think of those kids in Afghan? No. I’ve put my bed in the back room now. So they don’t have to see me like this.
Psychologist And your wife? How’s she coping?
Dave Don’t get me wrong. I know how hard it’s been for her. They’ve all had to get on without me. And that’s part of the problem — they’ve got their own routines now. Without me. They live without me.
Beat.
Do you know what she said the other day? ‘Dai didn’t come back.’ That’s what she said. ‘The Dai that went away hasn’t come back.’ And in a way she’s right. She is.
Frank enters and approaches the Psychologist.
Frank I’ll just go out on the piss all day. Don’t give a fuck, then I’ll get wound up by something small and I’ll just want to smash something up. Or someone.
Psychologist Only when you drink?
Frank Well, the drink makes it worse. The anger’s there all the time. And these images. Like, I don’t fucking know. When an IED blew my mate’s hands off. The look in his eyes. That kind of thing.
Psychologist You’re on probation now, right?
Frank Yeah. But they said if I come and talk to you, it’ll keep me out of prison.
Psychologist Does that worry Michelle? You going away again? Doing time?
Frank Yeah, yeah, it does.
Beat.
I don’t know. When she’s talking to me. When I can’t be near her. I just want to go back there, get vengeance on the fuckers who done this to me. It’s like … it’s like there’s hatred running through my whole body. But I do love her. I do.
Dave She’s right. She is.
Charlie She’s pretty amazing, doc. I mean, I know she’s my solution. But I’m fucking it up. And it’s like I can’t stop.
As he continues the three women, Lauren, Marie and Michelle (carrying a child) enter and come to stand beside the three men.
It’s like I really, really want to square this one away but I can’t. It’s a whole second tour, Doc. It is. The one no one tells you about. And I don’t know if I can do it. I mean, I’ll storm a fucking compound tomorrow. Even with one fucking leg. But this tour. I’m outnumbered. You take meds for the pain, then meds for the meds. Then every time you close your eyes …
The Psychologist exits.
And the casualties. That’s what’s so fucked up. They’re the very people you always said you’d fight for. The ones you said you’d protect. The ones you love.
Charlie reaches a hand out towards Lauren. She takes off her engagement ring and places it in his palm, then turns away.
Dave reaches towards Marie. She stares at him as if she doesn’t know him, then places a child’s toy in his hand before turning away.
Frank reaches towards Michelle. She looks at the baby, then at him, then turns away.
Music: ‘Someone to Hold’ by Antony and the Johnsons.
The three women begin to dance with the three men. Ali and Leroy enter in wheelchairs and swap with Frank and Dave.
As the dancers exit Richard appears in close-up, projected on the screen.
Richard When I was in hospital, my mum, bless her, she quit her job to stay with me. She’d be trying to care for me, and I’d be like, really snappy, telling her to fuck off, go away. Then straight away I’d think, ‘Why did I do that?’ It’s weird, you want it, you do. But then you’ll be a twat, and tell them to fuck off. It’s like being two people.
The lights come up to reveal Richard on stage. He appears naked, watching YouTube clips of IED explosions.
(On screen.) But she’s amazing, she is. She’s always been there when I needed her. I’d go out on the piss, and she’d find me later, in her kitchen, fucking laughing at YouTube clips of IEDs. Just going crazy.
Tracy enters. She fetches a blanket to wrap around her son. At first he pushes her away, but then he accepts her embrace.
(On screen.) Then ten minutes later, I’d be in her arms, crying. She’s had to put up with so much. But she’s always supported me, always.