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A few tips on using condoms correctly (also see figure 6): y Latex condoms are safer, more effective barriers than animal skin or “natural” condoms.

• Don’t use condoms that are ribbed or textured for anal sex; they may cause irritation or abrasions to the rectal tissue.

• Store condoms in a cool, dry place away from sun-light.

• If you use a condom with a receptacle tip, gently press the air out of the closed end before putting it on. Air bubbles rupture condoms. If you use a condom with a plain end, leave about an inch of air-free space at the tip of the condom; semen needs somewhere to go and ejaculation without that space can cause a condom to break.

• Putting a small amount of lube on the inside tip of the condom will reduce air bubbles and increase sensitivity. (Lube with nonoxynol-9 on the inside of a condom will also give you an extra measure of safety.)

• Don’t reuse condoms.

• Hold onto the base of the condom when necessary, and especially during withdrawal, so it doesn’t slip off.[33]

• Make sure condoms aren’t old—check the expiration date.

Lubricants

Before I slide down this particular pole, let me reveal a bias: I am a firm believer that lube makes any sexual activity much more pleasurable. The wetter and slipperier everything is, the better. But lubricant is not just desirable; it’s essential to any anal penetration. Unlike the vagina, the anus and rectum are not self-lubricating. During anal exploration of yourself or a partner, you might find that the anus feels wet. What you’re feeling is a natural mucous secretion from the anal canal and maybe some sweat—but neither this nor spit provides enough wetness to do the trick. Beyond sneaking a finger a millimeter inside someone’s ass, YOU NEED LUBE.

Besides, you’re already using latex and don’t want it to break or tear. Nonlubricated penetration causes friction and is likely to wreak havoc on both latex and the thin, delicate anal tissue. Lube makes entry smoother and easier for both partners reducing the chance of tearing, discomfort, or pain. When the person being penetrated is comfortable, she or he can relax more easily and usually have longer, more pleasurable anal sessions.

There are many different varieties of lubricants on the market, with the widest selections at adult bookstores, sex toy shops, and mail-order catalogs. You can also check out the major drug stores. The best thing to do is to buy some sample sizes of a few different brands and experiment with them to see what’s right for you and your partner. Here’s a description of some of the different types of lubes:

WATER-BASED “LIQUIDY” LUBES

These slick, wet lubes are nonirritating, nonstaining, odorless, and tasteless; they are very popular for vaginal sex because they have a very similar consistency to natural vaginal secretions and are easy to wash off toys and bodies. These lubes are thin and liquidy, and a little amount tends to go a long way. Some people complain that water-based lubes dry up fast, but you can simply add a little water or saliva to revive their powers. Most of these lubes can be found in sex toy stores and catalogs, and a few, like AstroGlide and K-Y’s new liquid lube, often pop up at the chain drug stores. Examples: AstroGlide, Wet Light, Aqua Lube, Slippery Stuff, Probe Silky Light, Eros Bodyglide, KY Liquid.

WATER-BASED THICKER LUBES

These lubes have the same properties and advantages as their thinner counterparts. The only difference is in their consistency; they tend to feel more like hair gel or jelly. Many people like to use these thicker lubes for anal play because they provide extensive lubrication and tend to dry up less quickly than watery varieties. Examples: KY Jelly, Probe, ForPlay, Embrace, Elbow Grease, Wet, I-D.

OIL-BASED LUBES

Crisco isn’t just for baking cookies. Crisco is a longtime favorite lubricant of gay and bisexual men (and some women) who practice anal fisting. It’s inexpensive, readily available at your local supermarket, and, since it’s vegetable shortening, it naturally flushes out of the rectum. Oil-based lubes don’t evaporate and dry up the way water-based lubes do. The most important thing to know about oil-based lubes is that they break down latex and can eventually create very small holes in your latex condoms, gloves, and dental dams, rendering them ineffective as barriers. Never use oil-based lubes with condoms worn by a male partner; if you use an oil-based lube with a condom over a toy, you still need to clean and disinfect the toy before and after play, because pinprick holes can allow body fluids to pass through the latex onto the toy. Latex gloves are usually thicker than condoms and break down less quickly in the presence of oil-based lubes; I recommend that if you use oil-based lubes with gloves, you change into a fresh glove every fifteen to twenty minutes. Even better, reserve their use for anal play by yourself or with a monogamous or fluid-bonded partner. Oil-based lubricants are harder to wash out of the body, and they should never be used in or around the vagina. They provide an opportune environment for bacteria and viruses to grow and thrive there.[34] Examples: Crisco, Vaseline, baby oil.

AGAIN AND AGAIN YOUR PALM COMES DOWN ON ME, warming reddening my ass. Then I feel the meaner cut of a leather strap, causing me to yell and jerk with each blow. I lie tensely, expecting the next blow, and am surprised by the cold, lubed wetness of your latex-covered hand, prodding between my ass cheeks.

“Come on boy. Open up now. Open up for me. This is where daddies get to go.”

Your soothing words allow my muscles to go slack and you slide a finger slowly into my ass. It hurts at first but as you gently maneuver inside me, rubbing and lightly prodding, I find myself moving into your hand, helping you to go in further. But then you pull out, making me whimper, making me almost cry with disappointment.

“Shh, shh… you’ve been so good that Daddy has a little present for you.”

I feel you push the smooth rubber of a medium-sized ass plug into me and I moan with the sensation.

“Now can you hold that in for a while?”

Bleary I whisper, “I think so Daddy.”

— DORIAN KEY[35]

Butt Plugs

Made of silicone, latex, or vinyl, butt plugs come in many different sizes, but they all have a similar shape with slight variations: they are usually narrowest at the top, thickest in the middle, and narrow at the base, which is flared. Some are diamond shaped, others are rippled with segments going from small to large. The great thing about butt plugs is that they were made for your butt. The flared base ensures that a plug won’t get “lost” or go too far inside the rectum.

Butt plugs can be inserted in the anus and worn for a period of time. Because of their shape, they are designed to stay in place rather than be pushed in and out as the sphincter muscles close around the narrow bottom. They give your ass a feeling of fullness. Butt plugs provide a great way to get your ass used to having something in it; the longer the plug stays in, the more the anal muscles tend to relax and open up. Using a series of different sizes of plugs can help you work up to having something larger in your anus, like a dildo or penis. Some people like to have a plug inside their anus while their partner stimulates their genitals or other areas of the body. There are harnesses on the market that help keep plugs in place so you can actually “wear” one for an extended amount of time. If your partner loves having her nipples sucked while her ass is fucked, or if you want to concentrate on sucking his penis and he wants something up his butt, you could feel like you’re playing Twister. A butt plug is a great solution!

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2. Mcllvenna, Complete Guide to Safer Sex, 82

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3. Mcllvenna, Complete Guide to Safer Sex, 211

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Dorian Key, “Every Boy” in Best Lesbian Erotica 1998 edited by Tristan Taormino (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1998).