Side-by-side works for me. She can do my ass and my clit and not go too deep. I like to have her fingers just a little ways into my butt. For me, that’s the most sensitive part.
I have gone over the major positions, but I have by no means covered all the possible ones. There are plenty more for you to explore. Some people like to reverse the receptive-partner-on-top position and face the same direction rather than each other. Couples who are similar in size may find they can have anal sex standing up or with one person bent over a bed or table.
I like to be bent over the bed, standing, face down.
I love the feeling of having my partner penetrate me anally and vaginally at the same time using a dildo or vibrator in either orifice. I have often fantasized about having two men fucking me and feeling each other’s dicks rubbing against each other through my walls.
Think of each new position as an opportunity to explore different depths, speeds, rhythms, and dynamics; there’s lots of erotic territory to find simply by changing your point of view.
9 • ANAL FISTING
Myths About Anal Fisting
Just as there are many myths about anal sex in general, there are several misconceptions about anal fisting (or handballing) in particular. The following are a few of the most common myths.
Anal fisting is not exactly what it sounds like—you don’t just make a fist and stick it in someone’s ass. Fisting is a gradual penetration process of adding finger after finger until you can curve your fingers and comfortably fit your entire hand in someone’s rectum. Some people may cringe when they read that, but when done safely and properly, fisting can be an incredibly intense, pleasurable experience for both partners. As Bert Herrman, one of the leading experts on anal fisting, reminds us, “The joy comes from the feeling not the anatomical description.”[47]
In the late 1960s and 1970s, gay and bisexual men popularized the practice of anal fisting, especially in bath-houses and private parties in major urban areas. It is widely believed that people engaged in fisting for decades before the sexual revolution, but the recorded history of the practice in Western culture dates to the late sixties. (According to sex educator Robert Morgan, fisting has been practiced in China and India for thousands of years.) Like other forms of anal sex, anal fisting has become intrinsically linked with gay men, and only gay men, because particular communities of gay men were widely practicing it. However, while not as common as other forms of anal eroticism, anal fisting is practiced and enjoyed by many women, with both female and male partners.
TWO FINGERS, THEN THREE, sank into Roxanne’s ass. She barely noticed. She was humming along on a smooth road.
This was so easy, there was so little friction that it barely qualified as flicking. Nevertheless, there was pleasure, enough to turn her into a squirmy little girl, so bad and dirty that she wanted people to bend her over, pull down her panties, put things up her ass, move them in and out, make her tell them how much she liked it and squeal for more.
In her erotic writing of the early 1980s, Pat Califia wrote about anal fisting among lesbians who practiced S/M, and by the early 1990s, Bert Herrman reported that both men and women subscribed to Trust/The Handballing Newsletter. Some women, in fact, become aware of and interested in anal fisting through gay male pornography. Many women, especially lesbians, enjoy gay male erotic stories, photography, and videos and have learned about techniques and safety from these sources as well as from gay men who practice anal fisting.
My most erotic fantasies have always revolved around gay male pornographic images, which is part of why anal fisting appeals to me.
Some people think that anal fisting will leave the receptive partner in diapers or the insertive partner with a disease. When anal fisting is done with patience and care, it will not injure either of you. Insertive partners can practice safer sex to protect themselves from contracting an STD or other diseases.
Contrary to some popular misconceptions, being anally fisted will not make you bleed excessively, damage your rectum, stretch out your anus, or rupture your intestines—if done correctly.
Anal Fisting and Safer Sex
Unless you are monogamous or fluid-bonded, you should practice safer sex every time you engage in anal fisting. There are some specific differences between the regular safer sex practices already outlined in the book and the precautions you should take for anal fisting.
Just as you can use water-based lubricants for anal penetration, you can use larger amounts of thicker, water-based lubricants for fisting; however, most experienced fisting aficionados say they prefer oil-based lubes because they are thicker and dry up much less quickly than their water-based counterparts. While you should never use oil-based lubes for vaginal penetration, because they will not naturally flush out of the vagina, they do flush out of the rectum easily during defecation. It is important to remember, however, that you won’t be able to use condoms for anal penetration one to two days after oil-based lubricants are used in the rectum, because the oils will destroy latex condoms.
Many fisters use Crisco regularly because it’s thick, it’s inexpensive, and it works. Regular, rather than butter or other flavors, is recommended. Remember that sticking your hand in a can of Crisco will leave that can full of bacteria and not usable with any new partner. Try Crisco sticks (individually wrapped portions that resemble sticks of butter) or scoop smaller amounts of Crisco out of the can into a separate container for use with one partner and one session; make sure to clean these containers frequently.
If you are nonmonogamous, you should always use protective gloves for fisting; the risks that are present for anal penetration are magnified for anal fisting. Bert Herrman outlines these risks for the insertive partner:
The inside of one’s body provides ideal transfer conditions for all sorts of microorganisms including the HIV virus. Surface abrasions in the walls of the large intestines (colon) are an ordinary occurrence even in normal conditions. No matter how clean one gets, one’s insides will not be sterile…Minor paper cuts, scratches, and sores on your hands cannot be avoided. Microorganisms can even enter the system at the base of the fingernails.[48]
Latex gloves protect the person doing the fisting as well as the person being fisted. Even monogamous and fluid-bonded partners may prefer using gloves since the rectum is easily irritated by fingernails or rough skin.