Among the thousands of books about sex currently in print, many are quite focused and specialized, covering such topics as solo sex, oral sex, vibrator sex, sex after fifty, fantasy sex, lesbian sex, phone sex, role-playing sex, gay sex, tantric sex, healing sex, transgender sex, cybersex, leather sex, kinky sex.
There are also titles devoted to erotic massage, foreplay, romance, cross-dressing, monogamy, and nonmonogamy. And yet among the sea of sex volumes, there is only one about anal sex.
In general self-help sex manuals and other books that claim to cover the full spectrum of sexual practices, anal sex usually receives a mere few pages or a couple of sentences—if it is not left out altogether. In popular titles like Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s Sex for Dummies™ and Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, there is only brief information about anal eroticism and health.
The coverage of anal sexuality pales in comparison to thoughtful, thorough, and informative sections on just about every other kind of sexuality; in addition, the information presented is often negative, misinformed, outdated, and even incorrect. So, while these volumes are described as “complete,” “definitive,” and “comprehensive,” those of us searching for information on anal pleasure are often left wondering why it’s missing.
If anal sex is in the margins of written works, it’s off the map in other media. When was the last time you saw a positive representation of anal eroticism in a film? When was the last time someone mentioned anal sex on television? In a mainstream magazine? When I asked a group of women where they had seen representations of anal sex, the responses included:
• Anal Pleasure and Health, by Jack Morin (the only book of its kind)[3]
• Try (a novel) and other works by Dennis Cooper y Trust (a guide to handballing, or anal fisting), by Bert Herrman
• The original edition of The Joy of Sex
• Lesbian erotica
• The Story of O (classic erotic S/M novel), by Pauline Reage
• The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia y Sapphistry: The Book of Lesbian Sexuality, by Pat Califia
• The Good Vibrations mail-order catalog
• Gay male erotic magazines and videos
• Chester Mainard’s anal massage video
• Porn videos
• Leather-S/M community workshops
One respondent said: “From my perspective, I think there’s mostly been a dearth of information, a loud silence, about women’s—especially heterosexual women’s—anal desires.”
Because American media is consumed with sex and sexuality, many of the images we see on a daily basis—from soap operas and beer commercials to music videos and magazine ads—are saturated with sex. However, there is a great big void when it comes to anal sex.
Women have many sources for information about sexual health and practices: family doctors, gynecologists, other health care professionals, therapists, parents, siblings, and friends.
However, these sources generally don’t provide information about anal health and sexuality. When was the last time you talked to one of these people about anal sex? While we may talk to any number of people about sexual health, STDs, birth control, and safer sex, most women don’t feel comfortable discussing anal sexuality, and most experts don’t bring up the subject. Even when I’ve been thoroughly quizzed on my sexual practices during a gynecological exam, the subject of anal sex and health has never come up.
As you’ve probably noticed, no titles or initials appear before or after my name—no M.D., Ph.D., M.A., C.S.W., or M.S.W. I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, or sex therapist, although I have studied the work of many people who are.
As I explained before, I am less of an anal expert than an ass aficionado and student. I have combed sex self-help books, sex research studies, sex surveys, sex advice columns and books, health manuals, safer sex guidelines, and various erotic materials for information on anal sexuality. I’ve tried to learn as much as I can about anal anatomy, health, and sexuality and have relied on other more qualified individuals for areas outside my own knowledge and experience. I have attempted to write about the subject in a form and language that everyone can understand.
While there has been a great deal of silence and little research about anal sex, the mythology, practices, and representations of anal sex have a complex history. One could write an entire book analyzing the anal taboo in American society; the myths about anal eroticism could be the central theme of another book.
And don’t forget these worthwhile topics: the etymology of anal sex, theoretical and critical discourses about anal sex and society, and the psychology and psychoanalytic history of anal sex. Some impressive work has been done in these areas, and more work is certainly needed. I give an overview of the anal taboo and related myths in chapter 1, and throughout the book I refer to any number of these larger historical and theoretical issues as they relate to anal sex. They have informed my own thinking about anal sexuality. However, this book is meant to be not a theoretical work but a hands-on, useful, and practical resource for people interested in exploring anal sexuality.
In order to incorporate the experiences, attitudes, feelings, and perspectives of other women, I conducted a small, confidential, written survey of women who have had anal sex with women, men, or transgendered people. I sent a survey containing thirty-six questions to colleagues and contacts and encouraged them to pass it on to others. I took a qualitative approach over a quantitative one, as I was more interested in the details of people’s feelings and experiences than in compiling statistics. I asked respondents questions about a variety of matters: their first encounters with anal eroticism; anal activities they’ve experienced; giving and receiving anal pleasure; anal erotic likes and dislikes; anal sex positions; toys used for anal stimulation and penetration; desires, fantasies, and fears associated with anal sex; gender play, role-playing, and S/M; STDs, HIV, and AIDS; sources for information about anal sexuality; and media representations of anal sex. I have incorporated excerpts from the questionnaires throughout the book (set off in italics) in order to illustrate important points and to give readers a glimpse of some real-life opinions, feelings, and experiences other than my own. The quotes are meant to capture the voices of individuals and what they have to say about anal eroticism; they are not meant to represent norms, values, and beliefs among women in general.
First, a word about terminology, I have tried to be as explicit and specific as possible in this book. When I use the term anal sex, I mean it to encompass all forms of anal eroticism, including manual stimulation, oral stimulation, and anal penetration of all kinds.
The first chapter explores myths and facts about anal sex. The anal taboo and anal sex myths are both prevalent and well-rooted in American society. These myths, based on fear more than fact, often prevent people from voicing their anal desires and acting on those desires. The first chapter is a good place to begin exploring these myths more closely. If we challenge the deeply ingrained notions behind them and discover how they have affected our own attitudes about the anus and its erotic potential, we can begin to replace those myths with truths. In addition, you may find the facts useful for communicating about anal sex and dispelling any misinformation you or your partner may have.
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3. Jack Morin, Leo Bersani, and Cindy Patton, among other scholars, have written some resourceful theoretical work about anal sexuality. See Resources at the end of this book for more information.