As with each progression of penetration, when you’ve gotten your hand inside the rectum, stay there for a while. Let your hand get used to the feelings, and let your partner get used to the feelings she or he is experiencing. Now, remember your anatomy lesson and that all-important curve of the rectum. Feel your way as you venture, and let your partner guide your hand. Go as far as feels comfortable for your partner. You don’t have to keep going and going; get to a place that feels good, and decide that’s as far as you’ll go.
Once you’re in the rectum, some partners may like you to stay where you are, while you stimulate their genital area with your free hand or a vibrator. Other folks may like some actual in-and-out movement; keep in mind that your movement while fisting should never be too drastic or jerky. Again, it’s all about communication between the two of you.
The challenge is not learning to stretch the anal canal; rather, it is learning to relax and let go, to allow these muscles to accept entrance from the outside with the same ease they should be allowing release from the inside.[52]
If you are the receptive partner, remember that you are in control of the action. It’s critical that you pay attention to your body, know your limits, and communicate with your partner. She will take all her cues from you, and so you need to be aware of your desires, your needs, and the sensations you are feeling. Do not push yourself to do something if your body isn’t ready. Rest and take a break if you need one. Stop if and when you need to stop. If you listen to your body, when it is ready to take an entire hand inside your rectum, the feeling will be nothing but pleasurable, intense, and ecstatic.
Afterward, you may feel like having another enema in order to clean out all the lubricant. Do not have an enema. Your system has been worked over, and an enema will only irritate your rectum, especially if there are minute abrasions. It is a good idea for you to eat and drink something.
You may experience some soreness, gas pain, irregular bowel movements, or slight spotting of blood when you wipe yourself. All this should correct itself within twenty-four hours. Use common sense: if you are bleeding, experiencing severe pain, have a fever, or feel very sick, go see a doctor immediately. But if you’ve listened to your body, and your partner has listened to you, anal fisting will leave you satisfied and happily exhausted.
10 • S/M AND GENDERPLAY
S/M and Anal Sex
Sadomasochism (S/M) is often misrepresented and misunderstood in mainstream culture; frequently, S/M is equated with whips and chains, violent abuse, and deviant behavior. In reality, S/M has nothing to do with abuse or force—it is a consensual exchange of power arousing to both partners that may or may not involve genital sex. S/M includes one partner who is referred to as the dominant or the top; this person is in charge of the encounter, or scene, taking an active role in directing the activities. The other partner, referred to as the submissive or the bottom, takes a receptive role in the scene.
Both partners negotiate a scene beforehand, communicating their likes and dislikes as well as their physical and emotional boundaries and limits.
S/M encompasses a broad spectrum of practices, including but not limited to role-playing; dominance and submission; bondage and discipline; flagellation (spanking, slapping, paddling, whipping); sensory deprivation with the use of blindfolds, hoods, gags, and/or ear plugs; and body modification (permanent and nonpermanent piercing, cutting, branding))
One of my current fantasies has my partner coming home while am scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees in a maid’s outfit. She puts down her bag and tells me not to turn around, and then I realize that she is already wearing her strap-on as she proceeds to fuck me in the ass. HARD.
Anal sex can be a very hot part of an S/M scene for many different reasons. Because it is already considered taboo, naughty, and forbidden, those attitudes can be exaggerated and played with in the context of an erotic encounter.
My favorite way to combine S/M and anal play is to make her submit to it and then tell her what a bad girl she is for wanting it.
I COULDN’T RESIST RUNNING MY HAND OVER HIS BUM.
He pushed it up into my palm, and I stroked the firm, muscular globes. I ran my hand lightly down the crack, past his anus and over his balls. I heard him expel his breath with a little sigh of pleasure, at which point I drew myself up and let the lash crack down upon the beautiful flesh.
ONLY A SHORT WHILE BEFORE, when she had been kneeling half-naked before Rene, and Sir Stephen had opened her thighs with both his hands, Rene had explained to Sir Stephen why O’s buttocks were so easily accessible, and why he was so pleased that they had been so prepared: it was because it had occurred to him that Sir Stephen would enjoy having his preferred path constantly at his disposal.
Sometimes I like to incorporate some of the taboos about ass-fucking into our dialogue during sex, like saying, “Oh, you’re such a bad girl—only bad girls like getting it in the ass. How did you get sooooo naughty?”
For men and women interested in relinquishing control, letting someone else decide what goes on, or being told what to do by a top, anal sex provides a perfect activity of surrender.
Others find that being anally penetrated is the ultimate experience of submission, yet still very safe because they can set the boundaries and be in control of the action.
I like anal sex because submitting to my partner this way is one of the ultimate gifts I can give her. It is something I crave and absolutely love, but it is also something that takes a great deal of trust for me to do.
S/M can also be an exploration of the limits of your body: how much you can give and take and for how long. Anal play and penetration can be an excellent manifestation of this metaphor.
It continues to amaze me that it feels really awesome, and that I can take a big butt plug, and that I like it so much. I also like being on the receiving end because… I love the aggressive side that comes out in her when she’s fucking me in the ass.
Many people who practice S/M explore the power dynamics of dominance and submission.
I like the idea of “forced” penetration. The idea of holding my lover down, with a knife to her throat, and forcing myself into her tight ass while verbally humiliating her and pinching her tits and slapping her… I love sensual and nonscene-oriented anal sex, too, but it is… the violation that really gets me off.
For people interested in incorporating anal sex into dominant-submissive role playing, it is especially important to negotiate your desires and boundaries with your partner. Keep in mind that if the mutually agreed upon use of force, bondage, or very hard fucking are involved in a scene with anal play, you should still go slowly and let the receptive partner take the lead. S/M practitioners often explore the edges of pleasure and pain, but these practices should never be conflated with the experience of anal sex. Anal sex should never be forced or painful even in the context of an S/M scene, because you can do damage to your partner’s body. When anal sex is consensual and approached with patience, gentleness, and lots of lube, it can be an ecstatic part of S/M play.[55]
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Linda Jaivin,
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Pauline Reage,
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1. Read more about S/M in