Genderplay and Anal Sex
My current partner is a bi woman and we alternately take on different gender roles in our relationship. There is a gender fluidity that is very important to me.
Many people enjoy enacting gender role-playing, “switching” gender roles, or combining gender characteristics during erotic encounters. Genderbending and genderplay are great ways to explore the complexities of our own genders and how they relate to our sexual identities and practices.
Some of the myths associated with anal sex are related to gender and sexual identity, and these make it ripe for genderplay. For example, some men embrace its perceived link to submission and feminization:
I love to be fucked. I fantasize about being a woman. And sometimes about just being a man while my female partner takes on the role of a man in my head. The genderbending and role reversal here can sometimes be threefold as we switch gender, dominance, and identity all at the same time.
Playing with the association between anal sex and gay men, some heterosexual and lesbian couples like to role-play gay male sex scenes:
I like genderplay within anal sex situations… I like to be a “fag” with my (female) partner, who’s also a gay man.
With the help of some imagination, sexy dialogue, costumes and props, or a dildo and harness, you and your partner can be just about anyone you want to be.
SHE SPREAD MY LEGS WIDE, pulled on a latex glove, reached across me to the nightstand for lube, and then began working fingers into my ass.
“Don’t move your hands,” she whispered, while hers invaded me, one long finger at a time, first working in and then starting to fuck—repeating again and again until she had three up my ass and I was as stretched out and full as I’d ever been.
Her other hand, ruby ring glinting in the low light from a streetlamp, lay splayed across my belly, holding me down, thumb slowly working my clit, while she fucked my ass with the other. I held the bars but soon writhed crazily with the sensation, and as she flicked me more and more fiercely I raised my legs to her shoulders, spreading my ass as wide to her as I could wanting to let her get at me as deeply as possible.
When she felt my body tighten up in an imminent come, she stopped playing with my clit altogether, pulled my nipple hard, and I orgasmed from her pumping hand alone, coming until I was curled up practical y sobbing—but still holding the bars.
“You’re so good,” I gasped when she was finally done with me, and she gave me that small smile again and said, “What I like about assholes is, everybody has one.”
You can be your girlfriend’s boyfriend, your male partner’s gay lover, or a “chick with a dick.” Your female partner can be a male hustler or your husband. Your male partner can be a submissive young woman with a strict mistress or a girly girl being told what to do.
I absolutely love to penetrate my male partners with a strap-on dildo. It’s very important to me as a newly reformed butch dyke to continue to play with gender roles.
Although dildos are not penis replacements, they certainly symbolize a great deal of erotic potential. Women who strap on a dildo can feel silly, sexy, or wildly powerfuclass="underline"
Mostly now I have sex with men (actually, I only have sex with one man now, but even before that it’s been mostly men for the past few years), and I like to have a penis and fuck with it. I like to run around the house with my strap-on on, knowing I’m going to use it on my partner, who is nervous but excited; it makes me feel silly and selfish and rude and excited. I am typically more of a bottom in bed, but when I put on my penis, I am Ober-top, with a whole new erotic personality.
Combining genderplay and anal sex is a way to explore a range of fantasies: enacting a more dominant, aggressive role; experiencing a submissive, receptive role; or assuming a different sexual identity altogether. Because everyone has the anal orifice in common, anal sex can be both the great equalizer and a source of genderbending, fantasy, and unlimited erotic possibilities.
11 • ANAL HEALTH
Taking Care of Your Ass
Many people assume that if you regularly engage in anal sex, you are more likely to develop anal ailments. Several common myths perpetuate this idea; myths about receptive anal sex partners getting hemorrhoids or anal fissures, having their rectums “stretched out,” or becoming incontinent and having to wear adult diapers. In fact, the opposite is true quite frequently—people who practice safe, gradual, pleasurable anal sex have rectums that are as healthy as, and possibly healthier than those of people who don’t have anal sex. Although it sounds surprising at first, the fact is that if you learn to exercise and tone your pelvic and sphincter muscles and regularly relax them during penetration, you are improving those muscles. The more you pay attention to your anus and rectum, the less alienated and anxious you will feel about it. The more you experience anal pleasure, the less likely your anus and rectum will be a source of tension—and tension is a leading cause of anal health problems. People who have more awareness of anal muscles and practice relaxing them are less likely to have recurring anal tension, difficult bowel movements, or problems like straining.
Your rectum and anal canal are used to expelling feces, not being penetrated by fingers or penises. Like everything else new, anal sex takes some getting used to. Right after having penetrative anal sex, you may feel like you need to have a bowel movement. In some cases, you do, and you should sit yourself on the toilet. In other cases, your rectum is simply adjusting to the experience of anal penetration; remember that the contractions of anal muscles experienced during anal sex and during orgasm are similar to the contractions of those muscles during a bowel movement. If you feel like you. have to go to the bathroom, by all means, go. You may find that it was a false alarm; if you do have a bowel movement, you may also have a little irritation, soreness, and/or diarrhea or loose stool. When feces come down the anal canal they can mix with lube, making things a little runny. Some women feel minor bladder irritation and burning during urination after anal sex. All of this is temporary, and your urination and bowel movements should quickly return to normal. If problems persist or you have pain, extreme irritation, or bleeding, see a doctor.
In general, if you want to take care of your anus and rectum, make sure you do the following: eat enough fiber-rich foods; practice good hygiene habits; do not strain to have bowel movements; get enough exercise; and manage and reduce the general stress in your life. If you have anal penetration when it is uncomfortable or painful, it can lead to more muscle tension and damage to the delicate tissue of the anal and rectal walls.
Anal Ailments
Several factors contribute to the majority of all ailments of the anus and rectum: a lack of fiber and other deficiencies in your diet; chronic anal, rectal, and intestinal muscle tension; and general stress and tension. Safe, responsible anal sex in and of itself does not cause problems; however, sexual activity can exacerbate existing conditions. If you are experiencing recurrent constipation, diarrhea, itching, burning, irritation, pain, or bleeding in the anus or rectum or during bowel movements, you should see a doctor. Problems like constipation, intestinal disorders, hemorrhoids, anal fissures, or blood clots can usually be easily diagnosed and treated; however, if they are left untreated, they can lead to more serious complications and health problems.
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Carol Queen, “