In the second chapter, I provide a brief anatomy lesson, covering related muscles and body parts, and encourage you to get better aquainted with your anus. In addition, I discuss some basics—hygiene, relaxation, safety—you should know about before beginning anal exploration of any kind to ensure that you’re taking good care of your body.
In chapter 3, I discuss some of the ways we can take care of ourselves emotionally and psychologically, covering topics like desire, communication, fear, and patience. In addition, I explore some of the issues that may come up during anal sex with a partner, including fantasy, power dynamics, and trust.
Chapter 4 includes a discussion of latex condoms, gloves, and dental dams as well as different kinds of lubricants. There is a guide to the various tools you can use to enhance anal pleasure, including butt plugs, vibrators, dildos, and anal beads, and some hints about how to assess the safety of any other tool you’re thinking of using for anal sex.
You may feel inclined to skip right away to chapters 5-10, but be patient; it’s important to read the preceding chapters first to ensure you are well prepared for anal sex. Chapters 5-10 cover the ins and outs of anal masturbation, analingus (also called rimming), insertive anal penetration, and receptive anal penetration, as well as other activities, including enemas (or anal douching), shaving the anal area, anal fisting (inserting a hand in someone’s rectum), S/M and anal play, and gender play.
Chapter 11 is an important one for everyone to read. It covers general anal health and how to maintain a healthy, happy anus. In addition, I discuss several common sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), how they are transmitted, general symptoms and treatments, HIV, AIDS, and safer sex practices. The information about various diseases is written specifically as it relates to anal sexuality.
Throughout the book, I have included brief excerpts from erotic literature and quotes from popular books and magazines. My research references recent, well-known sex studies and books. I hope these brief erotic passages will encourage you to enact your own anal fantasies and enjoy the full range of anal eroticism. I have also included exercises designed to help you explore and practice some of the topics discussed. At the end of the book, I have included a resource guide, with selected books and other sources for people who want to learn more about anal sex.
It is time for anal sex to come out of our closets. The more dialogue and information we initiate, the more we can all have our sexual desires and practices validated and can really begin to enhance our sex lives with ideas, techniques, and facts about anal sex. I want this book to empower women with knowledge about our bodies and sexualities. I want women to have safe and pleasurable anal sex with ourselves and our partners. And, while the cover touts this book as the “Ultimate Guide,” I don’t consider it the final word by any means. I hope it is just the beginning—the beginning of more discussion, more research, more investigation, and more exploration of the world of anal sexuality.
I hope beginners, fans, and experts alike will use and enjoy this book to help fulfill, improve, and enhance their explorations of anal sex.
I know that the moment I discovered anal eroticism and shared it with a lover was a huge turning point in my erotic life. And it still drives me crazy after all this time.
1 • 10 MYTHS ABOUT ANAL SEX
Myth #1: Anal sex is unnatural and immoral.
TRUTH: Students of sociology and social change are aware of the axiom that today’s deviance may well be tomorrow’s norm. The present widespread approval of the practice of masturbation and oral sex is an example of a deviance of yesteryear that has changed into a norm. The definitions of what is or what isn’t deviant behavior are established by various legitimate institutions, the most important being government and religion.[4]
The anal sex taboo is well established in American culture. Prevalent in religious, legal, medical, and scientific institutions, the taboo is clearly manifested in information about health and sexuality. The myths that follow will be familiar to most people, and they both inform and reinforce the anal sex taboo. Taboos usually defy logic, science, and experience; they generally have more to do with misinformation, fear, and a desire to maintain the status quo. In the case of anal sex, the taboo mirrors some fundamental elements of our society. For example, anal sex being considered dirty is linked with the cultural obsession with hygiene and cleanliness; the perceived connection between anal sex and gay men reflects deep-seated societal homophobia. Both so-called facts prevent people from experiencing anal pleasure.
In Anal Pleasure and Health, Jack Morin traces the religious roots of the anal sex taboo:
In the Judeo-Christian tradition, the taboo against anal intercourse is seen as coming from God. In the Old Testament story, God completely destroys the city of Sodom, presumably as punishment for rampant sodomy among its people. Many scholars now believe that the punishment was for Sodom’s violation of hospitality rules, and had little, if anything, to do with sex. The sodomy interpretation, however, is still one generally accepted. Among believers, condemnation of anal sex is not based on any discernible principle except the desire to avoid the wrath of God.[5]
Today, the people and institutions invested in maintaining that anal sex is unnatural and immoral are often the same folks who support antigay legislation, banning sex education in schools, and sodomy laws, which make it illegal to have any kind of sex other than procreative, heterosexual vaginal intercourse.
Myth #2: Only sluts, perverts, and weirdos have anal sex.
TRUTH: Anal sex is practiced and enjoyed by women, men, and transgender people of all kinds, from the perky girl next door to the daring dominatrix in the dungeon. In fact, in today’s sex surveys and self-help books, the sections on “kinky” or “deviant” sex practices—including bondage, cross-dressing, S/M, golden showers, and group sex—do not usually include anal sex. Anal sex is more often categorized with vaginal intercourse and oral sex.[6] The notion that anal sex is kinky, abnormal, or perverted is based on the assumption that only a few specific kinds of sex—usually heterosexual, procreative, penis-vagina intercourse—are natural, normal, and conventional.
MY BEST FRIEND, Jane, called me a few weeks ago.
“I beat you,” she said.
“You beat me? You have a job, your boyfriend went to Princeton, and you live in a major city. I’m sporadically employed in a town with, like, one off ramp, and my boyfriend went to a minor Midwestern university and thinks deodorant is bourgeois. The only thing I have on you is that I’m a bigger slut.”
“That,” she said, “is precisely how I beat you.”
“You had anal sex.”
“Bingo.”
My heart sank. “You must be very pleased with yourself.”
“Honey, you have no idea.”
4
1. Samuel S. Janus and Cynthia L. Janus,
5
2. Jack Morin,
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3. Janus and Janus,
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Sarah Miller, “