Myth #3: The anus and rectum were never meant to be eroticized.
TRUTH: The anus and rectum are full of sensitive, responsive nerve endings, and the stimulation of these nerve endings and penetration of the rectum can be intensely pleasurable—and orgasmic—for both men and women. Furthermore, women’s G-spots and perineums can be stimulated during anal sex, and men may experience stimulation of the bulb of the penis and the prostate gland through anal penetration. The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex reminds us that “the anus is rich in nerve endings and participates with our genitals in the engorge-ment, muscular tension and contractions of sexual arousal and orgasm.”[8]
Myth #4: Anal sex is dirty and messy.
TRUTH: As long as you practice standard hygiene, anal sex is no more messy than any other kind of sex. Feces are stored in the bowel and pass through the rectum and anal canal during a bowel movement. Normally, there is only a very small amount of fecal matter in the anal canal and rectum. Some people like to take a shower or bath before sex to clean the anal area, but no other extraordinary measures are necessary for anal sex. Some people have an enema before anal sex, but again, that is not necessary. (Read more about cleaning in chapter 2 and enemas in chapter 5).
Myth #5: Only homosexual men have anal sex.
TRUTH: People of all sexual orientations and partners of all genders have anal sex. While it’s true that many gay men do have anal sex, the actual statistics reveal a much smaller percentage than is widely believed: 50-60 percent have tried it and fewer than 30 percent have it regularly. Fellatio is a much more common practice among gay men.[9]
The idea that all gay men and only gay men have anal sex—one that the Religious Right would like us to believe—is simply not supported. Furthermore, there is no evidence that any single group defined by sexual orientation has a great deal more anal sex than any other group. In fact, depending on which survey you cite, from 20 to 45 percent of women have anal sex.[10]
It’s ironic: even though butt fucking is popularly associated with gay men in today’s sexual culture, it is in fact heterosexuals who have gone wild about their asses. Ask anyone who works in a sex toy shop what single item has surged forward in sales in the past fifteen years: buttplugs.
And dildo harnesses for women who are clearly involved with men.
Myth #6: Straight men who like anal sex are really gay.
TRUTH: Because anal sex is falsely but intrinsically linked with gay men and gay sex, there is a myth that if men want anal sex, then they must be gay. In most cases, men who identify as heterosexual and desire anal sex with women (whether they are on the giving or receiving end) are not repressing homosexual desires or tendencies. Their desire for a particular sexual activity does not rely on or “cancel out” their sexual preference in a partner. According to research, more gay men regularly practice fellatio than anal sex, and as my friend Audrey says, “How come no one ever asks: If a straight guy likes blow jobs, does that mean he’s really gay?”
Myth #7: Anal sex is always painful for the person on the receiving end.
TRUTH: With desire, relaxation, communication, trust, and lots of lubrication, anal sex can be not only pain-free but arousing and orgasmic. Anal sex does not have to be painful at all, not even a little. If it is, your body is telling you that you should stop. If you ignore your body’s warnings and continue, then you can hurt yourself. The experience may make you and your anus more tense the next time you try anal penetration. Your body remembers everything, so don’t try to fool it.
Myth #8: Women don’t enjoy receiving anal sex; they do it just to please their partners.
TRUTH: This is a particularly insidious myth about heterosexual women. Often, when we do hear about women having anal sex, the story goes something like this: The long-term boyfriend begged and begged, and finally his girlfriend gave in to his demands. Her boyfriend was pleased, but she didn’t enjoy herself one bit. We never hear stories about women who crave and enjoy anal play, women who initiate anal sex, or women who are more than happy to knock on their boyfriends’ back door. Sex advice columnist Susan Crain Bakos says, “Buttfucking is seen as the ultimate male sexual fantasy. We, as a culture, don’t understand how much women can like taking it up the ass.”[12] And, I would add, giving it up the ass as well.
Myth #9: Anal sex is the easiest way to get AIDS.
TRUTH: Because anal and rectal tissue is delicate and easily torn, viruses can be easily transmitted through the tissue into the bloodstream; so, unprotected anal intercourse with an infected person is a high-risk activity for both partners—statistically higher than vaginal intercourse with an infected person—for all STDs, including HIV.
Unprotected oral-anal contact and digital penetration also puts both partners at risk—the receiver because of fragile rectal tissue and the giver because of cuts or sores that may be on the hands or mouth. However, anal sex does not automatically lead to AIDS. Anal sex practiced with common sense, condoms, latex gloves, dental dams, and lube (or an HIV-negative monogamous partner) can be as safe as other sexual practices. (Read more about safer sex in chapters 2 and 4 and HIV/AIDS in chapter 11).
Myth #10: Anal sex is naughty.
TRUTH: Well, this is actually a myth and a truth. Of course, anal sex is not really bad for you and doesn’t make you a bad person. However, for those of you who are turned on by the idea that anal sex is taboo, deviant, and naughty, don’t let me ruin your party. Lots of people actually incorporate the myths I’ve discussed—especially the “naughtiness factor”—into their erotic anal play.
I love that anal sex is taboo and that not everyone admits to doing it.
The taboo of anal sex gives me a rush, as well as knowing how intense it is for my partner. I love to watch her ass pounding against me.
I love the idea that I am fucking my partner in the ass.
It feels taboo and sexy all at the same time.
Exercise: Personal Mythology
What did you learn about anal sex during your childhood, your teens, your adulthood? Write down everything you know about anal sex, even things you know are untrue; just let whatever comes to mind flow onto paper.
When you’re finished, compare your list to the myths and truths reviewed in this chapter. Figure out what among your list is fact and what is fiction. Keep the list handy as you read the rest of the book. You may also want to repeat this exercise with a partner as part of a discussion about anal sex. By acknowledging and discussing the myths that affect our desires and fears in a safe environment, we can begin to see the truths behind the myths. One very important truth to remember is that anal sex can be safe, fun, and pleasurable.
8
4. Cathy Winks and Anne Semans,
10
6. Leland and Brantley,
11
Susie Bright,
12
7. Susan Crain Bakos,