Erection Questions
Contrary to popular conceptions, men’s erections and orgasms don’t erupt like Old Faithful. Nothing in the male or female pleasure cycle is entirely predictable, and that goes for arousal, orgasm, ejaculation, the timing involved for any of it, and especially erection. Erections work on two levels simultaneously. One is the physicaclass="underline" touching your genitals or an erogenous zone, or having them touched, triggers a response along nerve pathways to begin the flow of blood into your penis. The other level is the path that leads directly from your brain: an image, fantasy, idea, or mental or visual stimulus triggers the same nerve response, filling your penis with blood and growing it into an erection. The stiffest cocks and the hottest sex come when both pathways are stimulated at the same time.
The perplexing thing about erections is that they sometimes like to come and go as they please. They arrive at the party uninvited or leave when everyone’s having fun. During sex they’ll stiffen and soften as your pleasure cycle dips and peaks along its normal course. This swelling and shrinking may not be noticeable, or it may gradually become more noticeable with age, anxiety, stress, or medication. Sometimes these issues make erections unreliable altogether.
The best course of action when you’re concerned that you won’t be able to achieve or sustain an erection is a piece of frustrating, though accurate, advice: relax. Stressing out about having a hard-on creates inner tension and turmoil, making it almost impossible to access the neural pathway whereby the brain engages the cock—sometimes physical stimulation can conquer the inner demons, but not always. Anxiety, anger, and guilt kill erections, period. However, if you are experiencing pain or numbing, or if you are taking medication that may effect erections or are having other health problems, talk to your doctor about what’s going on. Just keep in mind that your doctor will first tell you that men with healthy erections have low-fat diets, get plenty of exercise, maintain a healthy weight, and don’t smoke.
Possible Causes of Erection Difficulties
Every man is likely to have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection at some point in his life. According to the National Institutes of Health, between ten and thirty million American men have consistent trouble. Causes may include the following:
DRUGS OR MEDICATION
• Anti-anxiety meds, such as BuSpar, Valium, and Xanax
• Antidepressants, including Prozac and Zoloft
• Antifungal meds, such as Flagyl, Diflucan, and Nizoral
• High blood pressure meds, including Inderal and Lopressor
• Party drugs such as crystal meth (speed), cocaine, alcohol, ecstasy, and pot
• Drugs for substance abuse, such as Anabuse and methadone
• Ulcer meds, such as Tagamet
HEALTH CONDITIONS AND OTHER CAUSES
• Arteriosclerosis
• Diabetes
• High cholesterol/high blood pressure
• Low testosterone from age or HIV
• Neurological issues, possibly from an accident, surgery, MS, or Parkinson’s disease
• Prostate problems
• Smoking
• Stress and depression
To have better, stronger, and more dependable erections, have more of them. Your penis is comprised of more than 50 percent muscle—smooth muscles, not the kind you can bulk up. In order to be healthy and function properly, this muscle tissue needs oxygen, which it gets in the form of blood that flows in when you’re aroused. The best way to keep the tissue oxygenated is to include regular sexual stimulation in your daily life, such as masturbation or sex with a partner.
And while we’re working on your new sexual exercise routine, don’t forget to do your Kegels. Dr. Arnold Kegel was a gynecologist who taught women to strengthen their pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, initially to help with incontinence. The side effect turned out to be more (and stronger) orgasms for the women who practiced the exercises regularly. Men have the same muscles lining the pelvic floor, and when they do their Kegels, their orgasms become more powerful and last longer; some men also report a faster recovery time between erections.
To find your Kegel muscles, stop the flow of urine midstream. These are the muscles you want to flex. Do Kegels anywhere, anytime you feel comfortable. A daily routine is recommended: start by contracting the muscles for a count of three, five to ten times. Then do a series of rapid squeezes in sets of fifteen. As time goes by, you can increase your reps, and experiment with holding your contractions for longer periods of time.
Coming Too Soon
Early ejaculation is often considered the curse of young men, or men who are new to having sexual experiences. It’s frustrating when it happens, even more so when you are no longer young or new to sex. In truth, it’s a common thing that happens to most men, and it happens to all men at some point in their lifetime.
If you’re young or new to sex, then you can rest assured that control will soon be yours with a little time and experience. If early ejaculation stems from hypersensitivity, you can use a condom or even two, and experiment with frequent masturbation to decrease your penis’s sensitivity. But if you just plain keep coming before you’re ready, and you’ve checked in with your partner and they have expressed the desire for you to last longer, you have a couple of options.
Try using the squeeze technique. This is done by placing a hand at the tip of your penis so that the thumb is on the underside, pressing on the frenulum (brush up on your anatomy in chapter 2, “The Anatomy of a Man’s Pleasure”), with the fingertips placed on either side of the coronal ridge. When you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, squeeze for three or four seconds, then release. This will make your erection subside a little, and you should wait about thirty seconds before continuing with sexual stimulation. The squeeze technique can be used three or four times during your encounter, and as a delicious side effect, it will make your orgasm very powerful. Some men prefer squeezing at the base of their penis, or instead of squeezing, pulling their balls down—experiment on your own during masturbation to see what works best. Then try it with your partner; some men enjoy having their partner do the squeezing.
An alternative solution is the stop-start technique. At the same point that you would employ the squeeze technique, stop the stimulation altogether until the feeling of impending orgasm subsides. Practice this once a day, and see how long you can make the waiting period last. The more you practice, the more control you’ll have over your orgasms.
I was very close to coming, but every time I was just about to explode, she would momentarily stop her oral actions and squeeze me firmly at the base with her fingers. Over the next few minutes she performed this maneuver three more times, and I was going crazy, on the verge of coming but not. It felt sooo good.
Masturbation and Fantasy
You might have noticed that I’m enthusiastic about masturbation. Masturbation is the cornerstone of our sexuality—it’s where we build our fantasies and learn how we like to be touched. Masturbation is a source of release on many levels. Unfortunately, our culture has a restrictive view of it and tends to shroud masturbation in a cloak of shame or failure—but that is changing with the times. Still, some guys might see jacking off as a negative thing: a self-defeating substitute for partnered sex, a secret shame, an admission of guilt. These ideas are damaging, and if you are coping with these feelings when you want to masturbate, consider what effect these self-deprecating thoughts may have on your emotions, and your emotional future.