Safer Sex
Sexually transmitted diseases can remain dormant for months or even years after exposure, so it’s possible to pass on something you didn’t even know you had. This is why it’s essential to use barriers—latex or nonlatex—when coming in contact with a partner’s sexual fluids.
If either you or your partner has an STD, safer-sex practices are required to prevent transmission. If one of you has a viral STD, such as hepatitis C, HIV, HPV, or herpes, use latex (or non-latex, such as nitrile or polyurethane, but not animal skin, such as lambskin condoms—see “Condoms” below for more information) barriers during fellatio. It may also be helpful to talk to your physician or an STD prevention specialist (see chapter 13, “Resources,” for hotlines and organizations) about the risks for transmission in your particular case.
If one of you has a bacterial infection such as chlamydia, you must use barriers until you’ve completed treatment. If you have a cut or bite in your mouth, the risk to both partners is greatly increased. Keep this in mind if you’ve recently brushed or flossed your teeth, both of which can cause tiny cuts and bleeding in your mouth. Don’t despair—there are many options out there for the orally inclined apprentice who wants to stay safe.
However, not everyone who comes to the fellatio table needs to use a barrier. Once you and your partner have been tested for all STDs and are sure you are free from infection, you may decide to have sex only with each other. Or you may choose to become fluid bonded, a term that means the parties involved have had updated tests for STDs and infections and have explicitly agreed to have unprotected sex only with each other and use barriers with all other partners.
We all make our own choices about everyday risks, and most of them are informed—we know the risks involved in smoking, walking down a dark street at night alone, or having a one-night stand with a stranger. Life is full of these decisions. With sex, the important thing is to understand that safer sex involves a spectrum of choices and is not an either/or issue. We determine what safer-sex practices we are comfortable with and what our acceptable levels of risk are, and we each make our own set of safer-sex “rules.” For instance, some possible rules are “no fellatio from strangers without a condom” or “unprotected oral sex only with my partner.” This way, we choose the risks we take. And since we’re human and love to make rules and then break them, we can also examine what might cause us to break those rules; perhaps alcohol, drugs, trust issues, love—or fear of judgment.
Risk assessment is the process of honestly assessing your own risky sexual behaviors, such as preferring unprotected fellatio or engaging in unprotected intercourse, and determining how risky they are. It’s also assessing the risk level of your potential partners. For instance, if a partner has been recently tested (and they are free from STDs), they can be considered a low-risk partner for unprotected sex, but if you enjoy unprotected oral sex on the first date, then your partners may be high-risk. And having this type of sex with them puts you in the high-risk category, too.
Safer Sex Made Easy: Gear
Safer sex is a term usually associated with using condoms for intercourse or fellatio with a new partner to prevent transmission of STDs or pregnancy. But the applications for the many types of safer-sex gear currently available go much further than making certain types of sex safer. Even if you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you’ll be surprised at just how useful safer-sex gear is for adding pleasure and spontaneity (yes, spontaneity!) to your oral adventures. Plus, there are some safer-sex items that you will always want to have handy: gloves serve a dual purpose of preventing the spread of certain bacteria and facilitating cleanup in a snap, while a selection of unlubricated condoms can make your insertable sex toys ready to use without a trip to the sink to clean them.
For fellatio or rimming, you can choose among different types of protection to suit your individual style and preferences, or you can tailor them to make a specific encounter sizzle. The thought of a mouthful of latex may seem unappealing to you, or not as intimate as you like, but I encourage you to consider the risks and make an informed decision. When you decide which methods you want to use, set aside some time alone to taste, smell, examine, and handle the items before you put them to use.
I’ve only gone down on five guys, but I have to admit that I never thought once about using a condom.
I love sucking guys off when they have condoms on: I don’t have to worry about what to do when they come.
Before you put anything in your mouth, you really should know where it’s been first. But when knowing is just not possible, and that thing you want in your mouth is a penis or strap-on, then what you need is a condom.
Condoms prevent many STDs from making you their next home; when used properly, they’ve been shown to prevent transmission of most viruses and infections. You don’t want a hot round of fellatio to become a bittersweet memory of the times before you caught X, Y, or Z—so find some latex or nonlatex condoms that you don’t mind tasting while wrapping your lips around your favorite lollipop.
Unlubricated condoms are the best to have around for giving head, mainly because they’re not coated with that vile-tasting lube that lubricated condoms are marinated in. Additionally, that prepackaged lube almost always has silicone in it, which not only tastes disgusting but is also hard to get out of your mouth and can ruin some silicone dildos. Skip the lubed brands if you can, and head for the plain. Never use oil-based lubricants, massage oils, Vaseline, or anything that contains oil in conjunction with a condom. When oil touches latex, it breaks the latex down in seconds, destroying your condom, glove, dam or finger cot. Most unlubricated condoms are manufactured for oral sex, and some lubricated ones come in a plethora of fruity flavors, but you can find them unflavored: straight, no chaser. It’s also important to note that animal-skin condoms (lambskin) do not prevent the transmission of viruses. Avoid them.
RECOMMENDED CONDOMS FOR FELLATIO, UNLUBRICATED
• Durex Clear Unlubricated are as straightforward as it gets. Cream-colored, reservoir tip, average length (7.5 inches), width (2.5 inches), and thickness.
• Ria colored condoms are your basic unlubricated condoms, but they come in pretty colors to make your party more festive. Reservoir tip, average length, width, thickness.
• Trojan Enz unlubricated are another stalwart friend: simple yet eloquent in cream-colored, reservoir tip, and average everything.
• Trojan Non Lube are a special breed, and a favorite for fellatio aficionados. The last of their kind, they have a plain rounded end instead of a reservoir tip that makes transmitting subtle sensations to the head of his penis effortless. Cream-colored; longer than average.
CONDOMS, FLAVORED
• Durex Flavored are a jaunty European import and were the first condom to have flavored lubricant FDA approved. Bright colors signal Carmen Miranda’s favorite flavors: banana, orange, and strawberry.