Experimenting with the way your mouth feels is important, but equally important in learning to give great head is setting aside some time to practice on your own. Practice oral sex on your own? Why, of course! You can get two of your own fingers in your mouth with ease, but penises are a whole different size and shape, and you don’t have control over their firmness. Practice wrapping your mouth around a dildo, a penis-shaped sex toy, or a vegetable such as a peeled carrot, cucumber, or zucchini—do not attempt to “deep throat” any of these items, however, as a vegetable or slender sex toy could get lodged in your throat. (A dildo with a wide base would be fine, of course, since the base would prevent the entire toy from slipping into your mouth.) When you shop for the lucky nonhuman subject for your experimentations, be sure to select something as close as possible to the size of the penis belonging to your intended human subject. It’s fine to practice on bigger ones later, but if you’re just starting out, you’ll want to begin with a comfortable size, or at least something close to the size of the penis you’ll be going down on.
When you find a “stunt cock” you feel comfortable with, practice on it the way you would on a penis. If you’re going to be giving head to a strap-on dildo, getting a copy of the one your lover will be wearing will help you practice your technique. Either way, experimenting with the feel of a penis-shaped object in your mouth will help you get used to having something of that size and girth filling your oral cavity. And if gagging is a major concern of yours, you can see what your comfort threshold is, or play around by pushing it and learning to tame your gag reflex. Read more on the gag reflex in chapter 7, “Giving Head.” The more orally adventurous might want to try masturbating while practicing giving head—for a number of reasons. Becoming aroused when you practice will eroticize the act of fellatio, which can facilitate the incorporation of a new erotic behavior into your routine, especially if you feel reluctant. Also, as we become aroused and more turned on, our gag reflex lessens, and that can be interesting to experiment with. And finally, if you plan on masturbating or having an orgasm while going down, you can play around with your levels of concentration, varying your focus between yourself and your (potential) partner. But honestly, good luck staying focused on the dildo in your mouth when you come—though it can be fun trying .
Relaxation and Arousal
My boyfriend never liked getting head before, but now he does. He loves how I look at him when I do it, and he goes crazy when I act like I can’t get enough of sucking his cock—which is true.
Whether you’re about to give a hot and nasty, on-the-fly blow job or are going to slowly and sweetly make love to his cock, you’ll really heat things up if you get him into as heightened a state of arousal as you can. Simply taking his penis and stuffing it in your mouth is fine if you know your partner likes this, but in most cases this approach will make the fellatio session a forgettable one and will leave your partner disappointed—or it may make him feel like you just wanted to get it over with, which hurts. You may feel like you’re erotically torturing him by prolonging his pleasure with some delicious foreplay, but the more thought, effort, and attention you put into arousing him, the more he’ll love how you give head.
Spend time kissing and nibbling all over his body, avoiding his genital area at first, tracing from head to toe with your mouth and your hands. Get him used to the way your hands, mouth, and body touch him, while you become accustomed to the way he feels and responds to you. Gently discover which parts he likes having licked, and which to leave out. He might really love it when you lick his neck but dislike it when you lick his thighs. Lick everywhere: hands, the hollow of his elbows, the nape of his neck. Caress his chest and kiss his nipples. Try licking them as you might lick the sensitive underside of his cock head.
Using Your Hands
She did the one thing I enjoy the most when a woman gives me head. She grabbed the base with one hand, grabbed the middle with the other, and then sucked the head while stroking the rest of it with both hands…
Throughout the entire blow job, use your hands as much as you can to increase his arousal and comfort, and to prolong the sexual tension. Touching other parts of his body such as his chest, squeezing his nipples, grasping his hips, holding his buttocks, and stroking his thighs and stomach are highly recommended for building arousal—and may help a nervous lover relax. Many men enjoy the following techniques:
• Insert a finger in his mouth for him to suck and lick.
• Run your fingers through his pubic hair.
• Gently pull his pubic hair.
• Try lightly tugging on his testicles—some men like having them pulled or squeezed, though you should never tap or spank them (unless you have agreed to this type of sensation play beforehand).
• Push or pull up the mons (the fleshy mound over the pubic bone) to heighten erotic intensity; try rubbing it in a circular motion.
• When he is aroused, squeeze or pinch his nipples; as arousal increases, he may ask for stronger stimulation.
• Caress his buttocks, the cleft between his cheeks, or his anus. This is an oft-neglected part of his body, and he might really cherish your attention to the area.
Male Genital Massage
Now, this is the part that drove me crazy: she would put her ring finger and thumb together to make a ring and lightly stroke from the top of the head down to the midway point while caressing my balls with the other hand. I almost went ballistic.
Giving his entire genital area a sensual massage, or even employing just a few erotic massage techniques, can heighten any oral encounter. Whether you’re looking to add to a lengthy lovemaking session or want to knead and rub him into a frenzy before you go down on him, male genital massage will help you meet your desired goal. Genital massage, like a regular massage, is a very sensual form of contact and is very relaxing for the recipient. You can use erotic massage techniques during a full-body massage, to give him an appetizer before the main course of oral sex, or simply employ the strokes and combinations to give him a mind-blowing hand job.
You can give a dry massage, but using a lubricant is highly recommended. Oils are fine to use if you’re just giving him a hand job, but they aren’t recommended if you’re going to be putting him in your mouth or vagina, or are going to be using latex barriers such as condoms later. Oil will coat your mouth and will take a long time to clear, it wreaks havoc on the delicate pH in the vagina (and is difficult to flush out), and nothing breaks a condom like a little oil. If you do use oil, stay away from heavily scented products that might irritate his urethral opening or cause an allergic reaction: use sweet almond or olive. Water-based lubricants sold specifically for sex are best to use, especially if you want to keep your options open. If you know you’re going to transition from a genital massage to a blow job, select a lubricant that tastes okay—but know that you won’t find one that tastes great. For information on flavored lubricants, see chapter 4, “Know the Hard Facts: Health Considerations.”
When you take a moment to marvel at what can be done with a pair of hands, it’s easy to see what sensual tools they are. They can render touches that send shivers up spines, and with literally thousands of nerve endings, they feel, and transmit pleasure to us, their owners. Don’t be surprised if giving your male partner an erotic massage turns you on.