Jaw Cramp
Once you’ve got your stroke and rhythm going, and you’re in the position of choice, you’re in it for the duration. How long is that? Sorry—there’s no answer to that question. It could be a few short strokes and then he explodes, or he could last longer than an all-day sucker—or he might not come at all. These scenarios are all possible, and because it takes as long as it takes, you might have a mouthful for longer than you thought. The natural, though unpleasant, side effect of it all is that your tongue may cramp, your jaw may ache, and your neck might get tired. Fellatio can put strain on jaw and neck muscles like no other sex act, which is why it’s important that you start out in a comfortable position, especially if you have injuries or TMJ, or just plain get crampy muscles. The irony is, when it seems like you’re just about to collapse he’s usually on the verge of exploding, and no insurance company under the sun will cover your fellatio-related repetitive stress injury (RSI).
Like a distance runner, always pace yourself from the start and keep a steady, slow, methodical pace. Enthusiastic cocksucking is always appreciated, but if you start slowly, you can save your energy for the finish, where it may be needed most. When your neck, arms, or jaw begin to ache, change positions. If the cramps in your neck or jaw become painful, pause to stroke him with your hand and give your mouth and neck a rest. You can also break up the action by taking a minute or two to lick his balls, kiss his thighs, perineum, or torso, or add a sex toy to your play. Be creative with your breaks. If you’re in pain, or know that your neck is going to be complaining, plan ahead to use pillows for comfort or choose positions that don’t require you to hold your head up, such as lying on your back with him straddling your chest.
Fellatio for Injured or Disabled People
An injury that impairs movement, comfort, or response to stimulation can affect the choices we make when fellatio is on the menu. When either you or your lover are physically limited in some way, sometimes a blow job is the best (or only) kind of sex play you can feasibly engage in—and we all know that most injuries, even painful ones, don’t interfere with lust or horniness. Wanting to get off when you’ve got something you need to work around, such as a cast, a strained back, or limited privacy, just means you need to get a little more creative.
When you’re hurting or limited in your movement, props, bolsters, and pillows are your erotic handmaidens. People with neck injuries should choose positions that support the head: sideways 69 with a pillow under your head, man on top, having him stand while you’re seated, or sitting reverse in a high-backed chair with him on a higher surface. Folks with back injuries already know how pillows provide relief under their knees, and pillows can also go between the knees of whoever’s hurting and lying sideways—let comfort in nonsexual situations be your guide. You may even end up on your back with your head and back piled on pillows, like a pasha, as your lover thrusts into your mouth, but if it feels good, who minds? Also, for back pain, make use of furniture such as low stools, which can be used bedside—or anywhere, for that matter.
Men with disabilities will have varying capacities for receiving oral stimulation, but this depends on the type of disability and, if it is progressive, how far it has progressed. Needless to say, you should never consider a disabled man asexual—we’re all pleasure-seekers, no matter what type of house we live in. Disabilities fit into various categories: mobility, communication, deafness, vision impairment, or other diagnosed conditions such as multiple sclerosis, diabetes, or attention deficit disorder (ADD).
A man with multiple sclerosis might find genital stimulation pleasurable but may have difficulty achieving orgasm, he may be combating fatigue, and erections may not be possible, or reliable—but do not assume that if he doesn’t have an erection, he’s not enjoying himself. The common mistake the medical community makes time and again when encountering sex, men, and MS in the same sentence is reducing everything to terms of erectile dysfunction. Let’s toss yet another oversimplification of male sexuality right out. MS is a disease of the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord), and it interferes with erections. It can cause numbing or tingling sensations in the genitals, difficulty feeling or achieving orgasms, and fatigue, and it can make focusing on stimulation difficult. Because it affects the pathways from brain to genitals, willed sexual response becomes less reliable; reflexive responses (involuntary erection, orgasm, sensation) can remain intact. And these things can change over time. Because some men with MS may experience pain during stimulation, communication about sex is essential. Some things may feel wonderful for a few weeks, then unpleasant for a while. Talking about how things feel to him, and becoming comfortable with talking about oral sex while you’re doing it, makes oral sex better—and hotter.
Diabetes can also affect sexual functions; it’s not unheard of for a man to see his doctor about erection issues only to discover he has diabetes. The reasons the disease interferes with his sexuality vary, but vascular disease (a frequent diabetes complication) can reduce blood flow and affect erection, neuropathy can cause nerve damage and reduce sensation, orgasm may become increasingly difficult to achieve, and ejaculation may not occur. Oral sex may still feel delightful; be sure to check in with him about varying your levels of stimulation.
ADD sufferers will find that their mind is racing uncontrollably when they want to be relaxing and enjoying fellatio—their brain is traveling at warp speed when they just want to sustain a fantasy, watch you work, or focus on orgasm. Treatment for ADD can help, but because many of the prescribed pharmaceuticals inhibit erection and/or orgasm, you should stress the importance of sexual functioning to your doctor before the prescription is written.
For some paraplegic and quadriplegic men, sexual function is impaired, but for others it’s not impaired at all. Perhaps the fun is in finding out! If there is some impairment, it’s possible that function and feeling can be increased over time—practice, anyone? After a spinal cord injury, the spinal center for sexual functioning is generally intact; it’s the communication center from brain to spinal center that’s usually disrupted. Unless some sensation in the area of his genitals remains, the usual sensation of orgasm is lost, and erections and ejaculation will be involuntary if they occur, though he may experience phantom orgasm elsewhere in his body. A playful, communicative partner makes all the difference in the world.
Keep Your Lipstick Perfect
Those of us who do our best to get through a cocktail party or dinner out while keeping lipstick a) on, and b) where it’s supposed to stay—on our lips—have unique concerns when it comes to giving head. Of course, women in the movies go down, come up, and it’s as if nothing happened. But when we try it in real life, it winds up looking like a car wreck between us and his cock. Fortunately for us, a higher power invented the drag queen.
Drag queens brought the technology of stay-put lipsticks from the theater to the streets. The best, though difficult to find, is a liquid used in the theater called Lip Set by Signature Solutions. You apply your lipstick (sorry, no gloss under or over), paint it on with the supplied brush, and let it dry. Then you have perfect lipstick that you can do anything with for four to six hours. There is a version of this same product from a different company, sold in drugstores, that comes in a roll-on applicator. It works for only about two hours, and sadly, your lipstick comes off right away when you give a blow job—due largely, I think, to the imprecise application of the roll-on. Some more commercially available options come from major cosmetic companies, sold under the heading of “stay put” lipsticks. These come in a variety of colors, and some can survive pretty heavy make-out sessions—perfect for our purposes. Cover Girl’s Outlast was the best competitor for Lip Set, and I might add that the testing was rigorous.