How to Go Down on a Strap-On
Strap-on sex isn’t just for breakfast anymore: not only are all types of people experimenting with strap-on sex, but they’re not just using it for vaginal or anal penetration. Strap-on sex refers to having sex with a dildo and harness. You and your partner get a harness made to fit a dildo, and a dildo that’s the size and shape of your preference, and one of you wears it during sex. The common conception is that only lesbian couples use strap-ons (and they do) but gay men also strap it on every now and then, and in increasing numbers, hordes of straight couples are adding strap-ons to their sex lives.
There are many contexts for strap-on use. In lesbian sex, strap-ons can be used to enhance fantasy play, to delineate roles, or simply for hands-free penetration. Gay men strap it on for the same reasons, but the harness is worn differently; either it is worn above the penis, or the harness has room for penis and testicles to hang freely. Straight men can employ a dildo and harness for a variety of reasons (for instance, erectile dysfunctions), or the female partner can wear the harness and penetrate her male lover in any context that turns the two of them on. Strap-ons are great whenever you want an extra erection, and they are highly erotic visually for both the wearer and the intended recipient.
Women or men who are inclined to give or receive head with a strap-on dildo may find that the subject brings up some interesting questions about their own (or their partner’s) gender roles. Some folks find this titillating; swapping or sharing roles for a hot round of sex play opens whole new doors of sexual arousal and fantasy, which for some people is an aphrodisiac. However, others find that the very idea of opening these doors makes them uncomfortable. The notion of having the gender they identify with reshaped for a sexual fantasy may be felt as a challenge to who they are—at the very core of their being. For them, it’s not okay to play with this stuff, and not fun to even think about it. If you find yourself accidentally stumbling across an emotional land mine, backtrack, be a supportive listener, and let it go. There are plenty of other ways to have fun with your lover.
Fellatio lends itself perfectly to strap-on sex. One look at your lover in a sexy harness, all buckles and straps, with an erect member jutting suggestively from their body, and it’s difficult to resist the temptation to swallow them whole. Many of the same principles, tricks, and skills apply to fellating a dildo on your lover as to going down on an actual cock. You can create any context for the encounter you like: you can be in control and taking charge of that cock, or out of control and being used like a toy, you can demonstrate your naughty skills to your lover, or you can tenderly be making love to every inch of them. Reading up on techniques in other chapters of the book, such as types of strokes, controlling your gag reflex, or positioning, will give you a lot of the information you need when you go down. But the important difference in giving head to a strap-on is that you will approach the techniques you apply from a different angle: instead of being focused on the way the penis feels, you’re focused on how the owner sees you.
When you suck strap-on cock, you’re putting on a show, and making the wearer feel hot in that harness—and it’s probably a big turn-on for you, too. See how you treat the dildo visually, and maintain plenty of eye contact, employ very visual oral techniques, and use your hands a lot. Your hands can roam, jerk the dildo off in your face, or grab your lover’s hips to pull them into you, or they can stimulate the wearer beneath the harness (though you should make sure this is okay before you try it—some people don’t want that type of stimulation, so ask permission first). The way you give head to a dildo is different for the reasons I just mentioned, but strap-on fellatio is also unique in that you aren’t necessarily giving a blow job that ends with an orgasm. You’re down there until you or your lover decide you’re finished, or you both decide to switch activities.
Harnesses and dildos can be bought in adult sex toy stores, though for good quality and ease of use, you can find better toys in the more upscale shops, boutiques, and stores that cater to women (see chapter 13, “Resources,” for stores). When choosing a harness, determine your price range, which material you’d like it made of (leather, fabric, neoprene), and how you’d like to wear it. Do you want an opening for access to your genitals, do you prefer a snug or very adjustable fit, do you want it to be easy to conceal beneath your clothes? Dildos come in more shapes, sizes, and colors than you can imagine, but be sure you purchase one made to be worn in a harness, and that it will fit into the harness you want. Dildos that can be worn with a harness have wide, circular bases to help them stay put. Most of the all-in-one strap-on units you’ll find in mainstream adult toy stores are cheaply made and not worth your money—skip ’em. Read more about sex toys and materials in chapter 10, “More Techniques.” One nice thing about purchasing the penis you’re going to fellate is that you can practice in private before the main event—highly recommended!
Back Alley Baby
by Alison Tyler
“Do we want one made from neon pink jelly?” Chelsea murmurs. “Or a black-and-white marble swirl?”
I giggle as my lover points to a cock as long as my forearm. Wouldn’t want to play hide-and-seek with that. Still, the crazier the space-age colors, the odder the textures, the wetter my panties. Who would have guessed that shopping for a sex toy would be this much of a turn-on? And it’s not just because we’re in a hip, sex-positive store surrounded by helpful salesgirls who look as if they wrote the manual on fucking. No, what really appeals to me is the same thing I find alluring about the Nordstrom shoe department: the outrageous selection. I mean, there are literally hundreds of different types of toys to choose from. We’re not just talking length and girth, but colors, features, materials.
“How about that one?” Chelsea asks, obviously teasing as she indicates a monstrous devil-red number decorated with rounded bumps and a cynical smile.
I wonder who would choose a dildo like that, and suddenly, I’m no longer centered on the thought of the two us shopping for a sex toy. I’m lost in the thought of all the different people who have considered these items in the past, who have chosen the one they wanted and taken their precious treasures home to play with. What type of woman would like the dildo with the rabbit ears? Who would choose the double-headed U-shaped creation that can fill two holes at once?
“This one,” Chelsea says finally, and I realize with a tightness in my chest that she’s right. It doesn’t actually look like a penis. Too smooth. Too perfectly rocket shaped. Too sapphire blue.
I nod and watch the sultry brunette sales chick pluck a box from a high-up shelf, handing over the toy and a harness to Chelsea in exchange for her credit card. Pussy, I think, be still. We have to get home before you can get served.
That admonition doesn’t stop my clit from twitching or my cheeks from flushing neon-pink as Chelsea whispers in my ear. “You’re going to get this nice and wet for me, aren’t you, girl?”