Menthol and mint cough drops and breath mints are amazing sex toys available next to practically every checkout counter in America. Try to find lozenges with both menthol and mint; they’re the strongest. During oral play, put one (or two) in your mouth and swish it around to activate it and soften the corners—a sharp corner scraping his penis or the inside of your mouth would have you both thinking twice about trying it again. When you’re good and mentholated, slip the lozenge between your cheek and gums. Putting it under your tongue will make it pop out, and trying to rest it on the back of your tongue while you lick could make you choke on it, so don’t do either of those. The mentholated environment of your mouth will transfer the effects to his penis after just a minute, and you can also take the lozenge in your fingers and rub him with it, though you should avoid the urethral opening. You can also use mint and menthol on nipples, testicles, or the outside of the anus. Never insert anything into the anus that goes all the way in and disappears—even if you think it will dissolve. Add to the icy sensations by blowing softly on his penis and testicles.
The Flavored Penis
Chocolate or vanilla, darling? There are a lot of flavored lubes on the market that promise to turn any oral encounter into piña colada licks, tangerine sucks, or swallows of raspberry, cherry, or hazelnut. Flavored lubricants are readily available at any adult toy or novelty store, but the choice to use these sugary toppings is yours. They generally don’t taste very good; imagine the flavor of lube mixed with artificial flavoring and sweetener. The pictures on the labels look much better than the products taste—and you may want to ask yourself what you do (or don’t) want to be tasting, anyway. If the notion of oral sex is not appealing, then covering your lover’s genitals with green kiwi goo isn’t going to make the act feel any less distasteful. But if you just want to make the usual a little more unusual, or want to step out a little with a bit of playful accesorizing, then look before you shop and think about what you want to accomplish.
Edibles come in two categories: lubricants that are water-based and edible gels, liquids, or sprays that may contain oils. The distinction is important, because anything that contains oil will ruin latex. No matter how completely you think you are licking it off, even the smallest amount of oil can cause a condom, dental dam, or glove to break. Oils of any kind are difficult to flush out of the vagina, so if you think you might use whatever you flavored for penetration later, skip the oily stuff—that goes for whipped cream and chocolate, too.
Speaking of things going into vaginas, you’ll want to think twice about what’s in the flavored lube you use if vaginal penetration is on the menu. Oils are certainly on the list of things to avoid, but if you’ve got any sensitivities to yeast infections or your vaginal flora and fauna irritate easily, consider skipping the toppings altogether. The sugars and artificial colors/flavorings in edible lubes—and in other regular food items you might be inclined to use in oral play—can wreak havoc on the delicate balance of your vaginal ecosystem. If you want to use flavored lubes, honey, whipped cream, chocolate, or anything else that contains sugar, then save the penetration until after you scrub your sweetie clean in the shower.
Not to say that licking something yummy off of your lover isn’t fun—it is. It can be a treat to have a little something extra to lick, something that makes your strokes longer and more focused. And adding blindfolds or restraints can really get things heated up. Imagine your pleasure victim all tied up, watching you pull out a strange container, and then you proceed to slather, and lick, and lick… The water-based brand ID Juicy Lube has by far the cleanest ingredient list, no artificial coloring, and the largest selection of flavors; I recommend sticking with their line of fruit flavors, though I admit Bubblegum Blast is pretty fun. Hot Licks is a super-sugary tasting line of water-based flavored gels that heat up when you breathe on them (though the heating-up sensation isn’t for everyone), and they come in flavors like strawberry and cinnamon. Kama Sutra makes a whole range of products made for licking off excited body parts, and their Oil of Love also heats up; but keep in mind that many of their products contain trace amounts of oil.
CHAPTER 11
To the Limit
A sex act of many masks, many hats, many costume changes, fellatio can slip seamlessly into as many scenarios as a seasoned actor. It’s also wonderful to see how it slips in and out of a variety of guises within the context of realizing sexual fantasies, including gender play, role-play, power exchange, S/M, and bondage. You can use fellatio to enhance a fantasy, especially an edgy one, or vice-versa.
Using Fantasy in Reality
Sexual fantasy is the cornerstone of our individual sexual expression. An erotic fantasy is any thought, idea, image, or scenario that is sexually interesting to you. It doesn’t have to be your number one turn-on, or it can be the one thing that gets your blood boiling. If you think you don’t fantasize, think again. Fantasies can emerge from your erotic imagination in countless different forms, from fragmented to detailed. We all fantasize, whether in relation to sex or in other aspects of our lives. We may see famous people that are attractive and imagine that our lives overlap. We might revisit memories of times we have enjoyed, using them to make us feel good in the present. Often, we envision scenarios that have never happened and some that aren’t even possible. Sometimes we tell others what we have actually done, fantasized about, or want to do, making a fantasy for them—or us—come true. Whatever shape your fantasies take, exploring them can open doors to understanding your arousal and can allow you to tap into new channels of erotic expression—channels that work for you.
It’s important to keep in mind that fantasies don’t necessarily bear any relationship to reality. The realm of fantasy is the sanctuary in your mind where you are free to enjoy things that you would never do in real life. And fantasy is not only where we can court the forbidden; it is also a powerful sex toy that can be used for arousal, heightening pleasure, and achieving climax.
Think about your fantasies for a moment, whether they are vivid, vague, seemingly mundane, or a little scary. Don’t try to look deeply into their meanings, just pick out their main themes. What you’re doing is isolating what it is that makes them a peak erotic experience for you. Keep your mind open, and don’t pass judgment on yourself—this isn’t about “good” and “bad,” it’s about understanding what turns you on. Note what stands out, and the important differences between what is possible in fantasy and what is possible in reality.
Think about what your favorite themes are, or try on new ideas that appeal to you. Try to feel comfortable with tapping into what these fantasies trigger when you want to become aroused. Remember that if you fantasize about something shocking, like being forced to perform sex, it doesn’t mean that you want this to happen or that you are a bad person. But by identifying it in the realm of your fantasies, you can find a safe space where imagination fuels desire. By learning how to turn yourself on with fantasy, you can do extraordinary things—for instance, you can make yourself really aroused and teach yourself a new masturbation technique. Or you can fantasize while you go down on your partner, and turn yourself on with the combination of stimuli; the reverse works when your lover fantasizes as you go down on him. Or if you have established trust and sexual communication with your lover, you can share your fantasies—you can even make some of them come true.