Little clamps can be purchased practically anywhere, from an S/M boutique to a stationery store. Clamps and clips made specifically for S/M play are best for sex. These have already been designed for sexual purposes, taking into consideration that they might be going onto sensitive areas or thin skin. Small clips are usually plastic with a spring that you pinch open, though you can also find metal versions. Even though a clip may be small, it can be pretty mean, because it concentrates the pain in one small area. Medium to large clips can be plastic or metal, even similar to the clips you’d use to keep a bag of potato chips fresh. Make sure that the ends of any metal clamps are padded or encased in rubber, and that any clips you use do not have teeth.
Wooden, plastic, and specialty metal clothespins fall into the “mean” category. Clothespins are intense. Be sure to always test each clothespin before you use it, as they have differing intensities depending on how tight the spring is. You can lessen the pinch by forcing the spring open slightly with a pair of pliers. Nipple clamps often have a way to adjust the pressure, such as a slide ring on tweezers, or a tightening screw on alligator clamps. These are fun because you can vary the pressure on whatever part of him you have clamped—for instance, you can increase pressure by tiny increments as arousal increases. Limit the time you keep the clip on; you should take them off after fifteen to thirty minutes to avoid tissue damage.
Pain, Pain, Don’t Go Away
Should you find that you and the man you’re going down on really like playing with pain during fellatio, that it really turns you both on and increases his pleasure, arousal, and orgasm, there are plenty of ways to safely push the pain a little further. Cock and ball play—or CBT, cock and ball torture—can be intensely pleasurable to a man who enjoys erotic pain in the sensitive, nerve-rich area of his genitals. It can be in any context: punishment, humiliation, reward, torture, a meaningful ordeal or ritual, or just part of hot sex. You should first discuss any type of sex play in which you will be inflicting pain on his genitals. Be absolutely clear about what is “good” pain to him and what constitutes “bad” pain. Find out what he likes about it; ask specific questions, and make sure to agree on specific thing that he wants you to do to him. This is called negotiation—you’re negotiating desires, activities, and most important, limits. Decide on a safe word—a word that he will say when he absolutely wants you to stop.
There are different ways you can administer pain, and you can vary the levels of pain as well. Types of stimulation include friction, pressure, pinching, slapping, constriction, spanking, flogging, piercing, and more—and you can use these in a plethora of ways. Your spanks on his penis or buttocks can get harder, faster, stingier. You might bring in a toy like a leather or rubber slapper and alternate sucking and spanking. You can lightly whip his balls with a small flogger, and you can whip his penis even harder. Small floggers will help you avoid injury to his testicles; you can use larger (medium-sized) ones on his penis. Your bites can linger longer, press a little harder (but no breaking the skin, please). Pinches on nipples can seem endless, or they can come off with a twist—and so can clamps.
Clips and clamps can be played like piano keys with your fingers—and the sounds he makes might be music to your ears, even if they are not on key. When the clips are on and you’re fellating him, you can give him bursts of pain (reminding him that the clips are there) by simply touching them, pulling on the surrounding skin, or flicking them with your fingers. Pulling and twisting hurts even more. If you put clips on his penis or testicles, you don’t have to avoid them during your blow job; lick and suck on the clips, or fellate his cock, clips and all. You can wrap rubber bands around larger clips to make them tighter or to pull several together. Lay a piece of thin cotton or nylon rope under a row of clips, and pull on one end of the rope as you would on a zipper, removing the clips slowly or in one blindingly painful zip. You can also rig ropes and clips to small fishing weights, available where fishing supplies are sold.
You can use a pinwheel, the device doctors use to determine nerve response, everywhere except his penis, testicles, and anal opening. This sinister-looking and very painful medical instrument consists of an 8-inch handle, with a small stainless steel rolling wheel at one end that has very sharp pin pricks. When the wheel is rolled lightly over skin, it leaves a trail of sharp pain and a fiery sensation in its wake. This dastardly device is handy for use during fellatio, but be sure to have half your mind on his cock and the other half on the wheel, making sure you roll it lightly to avoid piercing the skin too deeply. And don’t share your pinwheel with other partners, unless you have access to hospital sterilization.
Cock rings shouldn’t hurt when they’re on, but they can be made to, and you can find ones that are made for pain rather than constriction. Rings can be tightened, or layered one on top of the other to up the ante. Some cock rings have steel D-rings on them, allowing you to attach a fishing weight or a leash; fishing weights should be gently lowered with your hand, and leashes should never be yanked on. Ball stretchers, cock and ball vises, ball stocks, ball separators, and combination cock ring/ball “torture” devices can all be found at specialty S/M boutiques, especially ones that cater to gay men. These toys will bring out the Inquisitor in you, and ideally the delighted moans of pleasurable pain from him, but they should be used only by experienced players. Consult the book recommendations in chapter 12, “Independent Study,” for books that explain safe exploration of CBT.
Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down: Bondage
Using restraint during oral sex can heighten the tension of your session, literally! Whether you’re into bondage or not, rope, handcuffs, leather cuffs, or anything you use to restrain someone can immobilize arms, legs, or an entire body while fellatio is being performed. Some people like the physical feeling of being tied up more than anything, and find that straining against ropes or struggling to move their arms or legs when they are about to explode sends them through the roof. Having one of you tied up can enhance one partner’s sense of helplessness—or the other one’s feeling of power. He might find that having his cock sucked when you’re in total physical control of him makes his orgasms more powerful, and he might enjoy playing victim to your inner sexual predator. Or, you may enjoy being tied up yourself, while he “makes” you please him orally. Either partner might find that their arousal is enhanced by being restrained.
In other parts of this book I’ve touched briefly on master/slave and dominant/submissive contexts for fellatio, and the unique ability of oral sex to slip into many molds, many scenarios. When the receiver is dominant, ordering his partner to give him head strengthens his role as a master or top. And the reverse may be equally true: when you go down on him, it might be a pleasure you dole out as a dominant, a reward for good behavior, or to prolong erotic torture in which you never give him enough of what he needs. He may relish the feeling of being able to relax and let you take over, or in reverse, his controlling your mouth and telling you what to do may be the type of “letting go” that gets you off. This type of role-play takes fellatio to another level, deepening the experience with a mixture of power and devotion.
Don’t confine your efforts to controlling his limbs; investigate the world of possibilities afforded by sight restriction. So simple, yet so effective, a blindfold can be used on its own or in combination with any of the other techniques in this book to create an oral sex experience he won’t forget. A blindfold takes away his sight, making him depend on you more for sensory information, heightening his awareness of his physicality, making him helpless and hyperaware at the same time. Because he can’t see what you’re up to, it gives you extra room to relax, knowing that he’s both unsteady and unable to watch you.