Best Lesbian Erotica is also a best-of yearly series but with only lesbian and dyke stories, and it smartly covers the spectrum and variations embodied in the many permutations of queer identity. Because it’s true to the modern realities of lesbian sex, it occasionally includes strap-on fellatio scenes. Best Bi Women’s Erotica is a yearly anthology series that features stories written by and for bisexual women. The stories contain women having sex with both men and women who identify as straight, lesbian, or bi, or don’t identify as anything, and they introduce us to the sexual realities of bisexual women and the heat of bi sex; you get doses of fellatio here and there.
Following are my favorite fellatio short stories in contemporary erotica:
“Below the Beltway,” by Simon Sheppard. In The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, edited by Maxim Jakubowski (Carroll & Graf, 2001).
“The Color Khaki.” In See Dick Deconstruct, by Ian Phillips (AttaGirl Press, 2001).
“Plaza del Sol,” by Sean Wolfe. In Friction 4, edited by Jesse Grant (Alyson, 2001).
“Tiger Rag,” by J. D. Ryan. In Best Gay Erotica 2002, edited by Richard Labonte (Cleis Press, 2002).
“Warm-up,” by Matt Bernstein Sycamore. In Best Gay Erotica 2001, edited by Richard Labonte (Cleis Press, 2001).
“Adventures in Dick Sucking,” by Bree Coven. In Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica, edited by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2000).
“Do Me,” by Lori Bryant Woolridge. In Best Black Women’s Erotica, edited by Blanche Richardson (Cleis Press, 2001).
“Getting Dirty,” by Erica Dumas. In Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, edited by Violet Blue (Cleis Press, 2001).
“On the Care and Feeding of White Boys,” by R. Gay. In Best Bisexual Women’s Erotica, edited by Cara Bruce (Cleis Press, 2001).
“What He Did,” by Thomas Roche. In Best American Erotica 1997, edited by Susie Bright (Touchstone Books, 1997).
Sex Guides
Buying a sex guide is not very different from buying any other how-to guidebook—except that sex is a much more charged subject than, say, furniture upholstery. Though I’d be the first one to collect the Time/Life Sex Series (they’d be kept with no small amount of irony next to my ancient Time/Life books on plumbing and carpentry), it’s doubtful that a book on sex could ever be so neatly packaged. Human sexuality doesn’t fit into convenient cookbook categories, though many authors try to make it do so—and this is reflected in the sad state of the majority of sex guides that are available. Many guides commit the fatal crimes of being judgmental about preferences, fetishes, and orientations or being ill informed and containing inaccurate sex information. Good guides inform and don’t sacrifice integrity for entertainment. I also don’t like sex guides that lack substance and look like picture books combined with New Age poetry. What’s worse are guides whose adolescent or self-indulgent attitude toward sex puts you off—be they written by men or women who must elevate or denigrate sexuality to make it palatable, or use instant-gratification sports terms. These antiquated attitudes about sex belong in a curio shop, not on your bookshelf.
When buying a sex guide, take a good look at it first. Do you like the tone, or is it too dry or condescending? See when it was published and if it’s been revised recently (within the past five years, at the latest) to reflect current information. Try to look something up. Is the information easy to find? Does it have substance that you can use in a practical situation? Look up something nonmainstream such as S/M to see if the book has a judgmental attitude toward it—even if the practice isn’t for you, the author’s sex-negative attitude may hinder your exploration of other areas you might be interested in. And finally, does it have illustrations or pictures? You’ll need them, so make sure they’re there.
Guides for fellatio are pretty spotty; they tend to consist mostly of pictures and have the same techniques simply renamed to look more spiritual or cutesy than those in the author’s last book, or just to look different. It’s challenging to find books that will supplement your knowledge. Most overall sex guides have very tiny, sadly superficial treatments of fellatio—you get the feeling that they just didn’t know what to say. But it is possible to find some great sex books to extend your sexual scope that will tie into the fellatio expertise you found in this book, and round out your sex life.
As general sex guides go, The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans is a good cornerstone of any library; it’s the most modern standard around for sex information, with a pleasure-centric approach, lots of sex practices that many people actually engage in but other guides won’t include, and lots of sex toy info. The Guide to Getting It On! by Paul Joannides is hetero-centric and the tone is unbearably casual at times, but it’s gigantic (over six hundred pages), has accurate information, and has sections not found in other tomes, such as a disabilities chapter. Every man who has sex with men should read Men Like Us: The Complete GMHC Guide to Gay Men’s Sexual, Physical, and Emotional Well-Being by Daniel Wolfe. It’s an incredibly complete guide to virtually every aspect of gay male sexuality, and its approach and tone are wonderful.
There are many books on specific topics that relate to subjects covered in this book; they’ll help you dig deep into what interests you. By far the best book out there on S/M and how to do it is Patrick Califia’s Sensuous Magic. Califia mixes practical advice with scorchingly hot short stories to make a book that inspires and energizes on every level. Come Hither by Gloria Brame is a wonderful book about becoming interested in S/M and has unbeatable information on talking to your partner about it, or coping with your partner’s wishes when they don’t match up with yours. Family Jewels by Hardy Haberman explores the far reaches of cock and ball torture (CBT); and The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex by Karlyn Lotney (a.k.a. Fairy Butch) tells all about strappin’ it on and givin’ it—to whomever you prefer.
Jack Morin’s The Erotic Mind is older than most of the books I’m recommending, but it’s very good; it explores the mind-set of having healthy, happy sex and digs deep into sex within long-term relationships. Folks who strive to become more sexually adventurous will want to read Carol Queen’s Exhibitionism for the Shy, which gave me the courage and motivation to learn how to talk dirty in bed—you can learn exactly that in her book. The Survivor’s Guide to Sex by Staci Haines is the first and best practical book for people who have survived trauma and/or abuse and want to have a fully present, satisfying and healthy sex life—it’s indispensable. You can learn more about anal sex for women in the landmark book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino, and the companion Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent is also highly recommended. The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava explores multiple male orgasms and Tantric practices of orgasm without ejaculation. Heterosexually focused, it concentrates on combining breathing and the use of pressure points to achieve multiple orgasms in men. The book has a New Age tone throughout the text, which isn’t for everyone—I find it distracting—but it is packed with much information.