A man’s testicles are very sensitive to the touch, but many men enjoy having them caressed, lightly massaged, or even gently tugged or pulled during foreplay and arousal. Most men will not enjoy having them slapped, spanked, or even sucked—but there are exceptions, and this type of pleasure play should be expressly discussed in advance. Generally, you should treat them like a pair of delicate eggs.
Behind the testicles and between the thighs is a flat stretch of skin that’s also covered with hair and often the same color as the penis—this is his perineum. Beneath the skin of the perineum is where the root, or bulb, of the penis lies, and when he gets an erection you can feel this area harden, too. Stroke or rub this area during other sexual stimulation, and you will probably get a positive response.
The Anus and Prostate
The prostate gland is the starlet gland of the male body. It is at once villain and vixen: the seat of the most-diagnosed cancer in men, and the possible promise of pleasure from beyond the stars. Rebuked, reviled, redeemed, and romanced, this little gland manages to make headlines when viewed from any angle. Sometimes the attention is conflicted: the gland makes prostatic fluid for carrying virile semen, making the man “a man”; it also makes orgasm outrageously powerful but requires access through anal penetration, questioning some people’s definition of “a man.”
Not all men enjoy anal stimulation—whether it’s gentle touching on the outside, rimming, or penetration and prostate stimulation—but many men find that it adds a new dimension to sex play. One of the reasons that men like anal play is because massaging the prostate gland feels incredibly pleasurable and can make orgasm very powerful, but they might also like it because the anus and anal opening is rich with nerve endings that feel good to the touch, or for various psychological reasons. He may like that it’s a big taboo, that it’s a “dirty” thing to do; maybe no one touches him there and it means a lot to have you care about his pleasure; or it may be part of a dominant/submissive fantasy scenario in which he “makes” you do it, or you “make” him submit to it. One thing is certain—the men who like anal stimulation during fellatio like it a lot, and for many of these men, prostate stimulation can turn a good blow job into an unforgettable experience.
The perineum stretches from the base of the testicles to the anus, where it is no longer perineum and definitely ass. It has some hair, either a light, downy covering, or a thick, coarse carpet—it’s different on every man. All humans have hair around their anus, whatever your gender; if you don’t, then you either shave it or are too young to be reading this. Between his cheeks, you’ll see the anal opening, a pucker that will differ in color from the skin on the rest of the body. In fact, it’s common for the thin skin surrounding the pucker to be lighter or darker in color between the cheeks.
The prostate gland is within the front wall of the anal opening, usually around 1 to 3 inches inside and forward (toward the front of the body or belly button). Its location inside the wall is just behind the bulb of the penis, beneath the bladder, surrounding the urethra in a ring. Because the prostate is anchored at the internal base of the penis, when a man thrusts hard with an erect penis he transmits highly pleasurable sensations to the prostate. It’s a little larger than a quarter in size, though it is heart-shaped and is usually described as being the size of a small walnut.
Surprisingly little is known about the prostate gland. It produces prostatic fluid (the whitish liquid that carries sperm during ejaculation), it grows as a man ages (sometimes dangerously), and it can feel really, really good when sexually stimulated. It’s clear that it plays an important role in the male pleasure cycle, and it has become touted as the male G-spot. When a man reaches the point of orgasmic “no return” (ejaculatory inevitability), the prostate gland joins the seminal vesicles and other ducts in pleasant-feeling spasms and rhythmic contractions to create ejaculate—and this is before the contractions of orgasm. If you are stimulating a man’s prostate prior to and during ejaculation, you can often feel the gland swell to hardness, then contract before his orgasm.
To feel the prostate, insert a well-lubricated finger inside his anal opening and stroke toward the front of his body, in a “come-hither” motion. It may be too soft to feel easily in its unaroused state; in fact, you may not be able to feel it at all until he becomes aroused, when it swells and hardens. Similarly to the G-spot in women, the prostate may trigger the feeling of needing to urinate when stroked. For men who aren’t ready for penetration, you can stimulate the prostate indirectly by massaging the perineum in firm circles with the flat of your thumb. Some men like perineum massage only when they’re aroused, and some don’t like it at all—when in doubt, ask. For prostate stimulation tips and techniques for fellatio, read chapter 10, “More Techniques.”
His Sexual Response Cycle
When a man becomes aroused, his senses go into overdrive. The everyday becomes the superreal; his sense of smell is heightened, colors are brighter, his skin becomes more sensitive and responds readily to touch. Whatever was sexy to him before he got turned on is even more sexy, and his focus is hormonally sharpened on just one thing: more pleasure. Meanwhile, his internal and external sexual anatomy are responding—big time. Many different muscles involuntarily tense, resulting in contractions of facial and abdominal muscles. His breathing becomes heavier, his core body temperature rises, his heart rate increases, his nipples may become erect, and some men get a sex flush across their chest, neck, face, and stomach. And if his penis begins to become erect, the head darkens in color and his testicles swell and move close to his body.
Arousal triggers physical reactions, but it doesn’t necessarily have to come from a physical source. Physiological arousal can come from either of two sources or, more likely, a combination of the two—mentally, from his brain, or physically, from his body’s response to stimulation. These two factors need each other to create physiological arousal, though they can operate at varying levels: in a given instance, fantasy may be fueling the fires more than touch, or vice-versa. The mind and body work in tandem to make a man hot under the collar and hard under the Calvins—you can have one without the other and still be aroused, but then, well, you have one and not the other. These two factors (in whatever proportion) trigger neural responses along nerve pathways that widen the arteries leading to the penis and other erectile tissue. Blood begins to flow into his penis and its underground erectile tissue, and his penis and perineum begin to harden. The prostate starts to grow firm to the touch.
Blood flows into the main tubes of the penis, creating rigidity as the flow of blood expands the erectile tissue, trapping the blood in his penis, creating and sustaining the erection until the nerve messages stop, or he ejaculates. (The nerve pathways for erection and ejaculation are different, which is why a man can ejaculate without erection and vice-versa.) The blood flowing to his genitals is also being trapped inside in the bulb and root of his penis, contributing to a firmer perineum.
To make an erection, the blood swells the tissue inside until it strains against the sheath of skin covering the penis. Lo, it is risen. The head also swells, and in uncircumcised men this swelling pushes the glans forward out of the opening in the foreskin. Erections come in many flavors—soft, semisoft, hard, rock-hard—and can fill out the shape of the penis differently depending on the man. When erect, he may be straight as a board, curve up, down, left, or right, or be firmer at one end than the other. As his pleasure cycle moves up and down the peaks and valleys of arousal, so will his erection grow soft and firm again. In prolonged sexual encounters, it’s not uncommon for erections to come and go as the lovemaking session progresses, and this normal cycling has nothing to do with his actual arousal or desire.