At the urethral opening, during arousal some men get wet with what’s commonly called pre-come. This clear fluid usually appears when he’s really turned on, and while some men have only a little, others can be quite juicy. It also changes in amount from one experience to another; he might be really wet sometimes, while other times he’s not wet at all. Pre-come is a combination of the fluid forced from the walls of the urethra and ejaculatory fluids produced in the prostatic urethra (where the fluids mix with semen before ejaculation). Pre-come contains semen, and it can contain viruses if your partner has one, so it’s important to treat it just as you would ejaculate—with all the necessary safer-sex precautions. (For information on safer sex, see chapter 4, “Know the Hard Facts: Health Considerations.”)
As his arousal heightens, all the muscles and ligaments in the genital region begin to tighten, creating an exquisite tension. The prostate gland is swollen with fluid, waiting for the signal to begin its contractions. The figure eight of muscles that surround the penile system and ring the anus become tense, creating more pleasure and making his entire lower body part of the pleasure process.
I hold my boyfriend’s balls while I suck him off. He likes it, and as they get tighter I can tell he’s about to come.
Muscle tension builds to a pinnacle as he reaches the point of no return. His glans is very sensitive to stimulation, and both penis and shaft become very hard, as does the prostate. The testicles pull up very close to his body, contributing a delicious pressure. His breathing is labored, his blood pressure is up, and the skin all over his body is electric and extremely sensitive. His whole body is flooded with potent sexual chemicals, coloring his vision with nothing but the demands of getting more of whatever is pushing him onward. Before the peak, the prostate gland shudders and releases the prostatic fluid to mix with semen and other juices—this is “orgasmic inevitability,” the point when a man knows he is about to come, and nothing on earth can stop it. Then the short, rhythmic muscular contractions of orgasm begin, not just in the penis but also throughout the entire genital region (including the sphincter muscle), and he orgasms, usually with ejaculation. This is the moment of pure pleasure. And with a little experimentation, men can orgasm multiple times and in many ways.
Ejaculation
During the orgasmic phase of sexual response, when a man feels orgasmic inevitability, the fluids that comprise ejaculatory fluid are being pushed into the prostatic urethra. This makes him feel like he’s about to come. When the involuntary muscular contractions of orgasm begin, the muscles of his penis and urethra squeeze the opening to his bladder completely closed, and the seminal fluid (now mixed with sperm) shoots out of his penis. Ejaculation is usually accompanied by the rhythmic contractions of the pelvic muscles, though it’s possible to ejaculate without orgasm, and it’s also possible for him to orgasm without ejaculation.
Most men ejaculate when they orgasm, but not all do, and not all men ejaculate every time. A man may not ejaculate due to frequent ejaculation, because of health issues such as retrograde ejaculation, or because he has learned how to orgasm without ejaculating using a technique for male multiple orgasms. If he has been ejaculating frequently or is having several orgasms in one session of sex, the amount of fluid he expels will decrease, sometimes until it seems like nothing is coming out. Retrograde ejaculation is when the opening, or valve, between the bladder and the urethra doesn’t close during the muscular contractions of orgasm. When this happens, ejaculatory fluid is sent into the bladder. Retrograde ejaculation generally occurs in men who have spinal cord injuries or have had prostate or bladder surgery. This should not interfere with the pleasure of orgasm, but if there is pain or discomfort, he should see a doctor.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man, by Douglas Abrams Arava and Mantak Chia, has revolutionized the way Western men control their orgasms. The book teaches men techniques that employ pressure points, controlled breathing, and muscular control to change the way they orgasm. Orgasms can be strengthened, lengthened, and multiplied; it’s also possible for men to learn how to orgasm without ejaculation. With a little practice, a man can experience the pleasure of full-body orgasms, along with all the accompanying muscular contractions, without expelling the usual mass of ejaculatory fluid. Some men may have come across their own techniques for this through experimentation. Keep in mind that this is by no means a substitute for safer-sex practices and should never be considered a reliable form of birth control.
Men who ejaculate expel different amounts, but it’s usually around 1 to 2 teaspoons. The volume can change depending on frequency (whether he’s come recently, or not in a long time), stress, or other factors. Come is comprised of plasma, fluid from the prostate and seminal vesicles, around 90 million sperm, and other fluids that contain fructose, protein, citric acid, alkalines, and other nutrients that keep sperm intact. It can also contain HIV and sexually transmitted diseases, if he’s infected. Come is usually whitish in color, but the color can also be varying degrees of clear, white, or yellow. The texture is that of a slightly thick liquidy substance, somewhere between egg whites and hair conditioner, though some men might have very thick come while others’ is thin. The muscular force with which his come is shot makes the difference in distance (if you’re measuring), and some guys shoot pretty far, while with others there is no shooting going on at all.
High Tea
by Alison Tyler
4:00 p.m. Thursday. Dainty ceramic teapot nestled beneath a white crocheted warmer. Sterling silver service polished to a reflecting sheen. Antique lace tablecloth so fine it could tear if you looked at it too hard.
Last place on fucking earth you’d find my boyfriend, Charlie.
His gold-flecked eyes are wide open, and he tosses his long, glossy-black hair out of his face with an impatient shrug. “You’re kidding, right?” he asks, visibly flinching when I tell him what I want.
“An array of delicacies served to us in our own suite by a private waiter well schooled in the age-old ritual of high tea,” I continue, undaunted by his expression. I am repeating a passage from the slick brochure of one of San Francisco’s most famous—and snobby—hotels. A passage that has turned me on indescribably.
Charlie just stares, dark brows arched incredulously. What have I done with his girlfriend? his expression says. And who is this Martha Stewart-like impostor who has taken her place?
“You won’t regret it,” I assure him, and he finally reads the look in my green eyes correctly, because he begrudgingly nods his okay. Promised pleasure will make people do the most unusual things.
4:15. Thursday. The tuxedoed waiter has left, and Charlie is a true believer. Fantasy feast of finger-length cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches is ignored in favor of a far more decadent fantasy. Tiny tea cakes sit iced so prettily all alone. And my man is spread out on the richly carpeted floor, tan slacks open, receiving his first time ever tea-flavored blow job.