You may see some blood as a result of the fisting; this is not terribly uncommon, as the capillaries that run close to the surface of the vaginal walls may break open and leak a small amount of blood. However, if you see larger amounts of blood, you will want to back off and make sure that your partner is not bleeding from damage to the vaginal walls. Minor bleeding will subside very quickly and is nothing to be alarmed about; if it doesn’t stop quickly or increases, a trip to the doctor or urgent care is strongly recommended.
As part of aftercare, you can use witch hazel wipes (the kind made for hemorrhoid treatment) externally to soothe any swollen tissue around the vulva; they will also remove the excess lube gently. I also recommend that the bottom urinate as soon as possible afterward, to push out any bacteria that could cause a urinary tract infection. Spend time connecting, emotionally and spiritually, whether it’s cuddling, having more sex, or going out to dinner and sharing a dessert. This helps bring a natural close to the intensity of the scene. The aftercare may be a bit different from what we think of as a post-BDSM scene, but the end result should be the same: both (or all) parties involved feel comfortable, connected, and cared for.
Like most BDSM activities, vaginal fisting is a physical activity that can, at its finest, bring about an amazing sense of self, of connection, of esteem and pride, and most important, a feeling of power for everyone involved—not just the top. To open up one’s body and offer it to another is the height of strength and trust. To be the person who is invited to enter should be embraced with humility, compassion, and joy. Fisting is transcendent sex. If it is done in a way that honors all participants, it can take us on a journey to the farthest reaches of our growth as sexual, kinky beings.
CHAPTER 5
BONDAGE FOR SEX
MIDORI
Bondage sex is hot. Your senses are heightened and the mundane details of life melt away. You can savor your lover’s every touch and movement as forbidden fantasies come to life and pleasures are intensified.
Bondage is one of the easiest and most versatile forms of kinky play. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you wish it to be. Whether your tastes run sweet and romantic or gritty and intense, there’s bondage fun to suit your different moods. It’s just as much fun in your bedroom, a romantic getaway hotel, a fully equipped dungeon, or even an alpine tent. The creative potential and sensual possibilities are endless, making this the perfect pleasure art for a lifetime of boredom-proof sex. So it’s no surprise that bondage is one of the fastest growing trends among the sexually adventurous.
THE PLEASURES OF BONDAGE
What is it about bondage that draws your attention? Do you fantasize about it? Does your lover? If you’ve tried it before, what about it got you off? If you’ve not tried it, what sort of fun do you imagine it to be? Knowing what makes you and your sweetie curious about bondage is the first step in creating an amazing experience. This is something I constantly emphasize to the students in all levels of my workshops. It can be easy to get caught up in the technical details, bogged down by the variations or wonders of the equipment, so keep your focus on why it’s hot for you.
Each person’s answers to the why of bondage will be different. When I ask my readers and students why they love to play with bondage, the reasons they give are wide-ranging and diverse. The list below is just a sampling of examples that come from real people. Run through it alone or with a partner. How many are on your list? On your partner’s? Do you find yourself thinking of completely different reasons that aren’t listed here? Simply going through this list of things that other people love about bondage may be an excellent way for you and your lover to discover new things about each other.
• A lover’s surrender into sensual captivity, fulfilling fantasies of romantic helplessness
• The thrill of being naughty and breaking taboo
• Escape from daily responsibility
• Thrill of anticipating the unknown
• Full-body relaxation while receiving erotic attention
• Erotic humiliation
• Sensation of full embrace
• Firm bondage in a quiet atmosphere over a long period can create a sense of inner peace and meditative stillness
• Bondage as part of erotic role-playing games lets you unleash your dirty evil genius, hot sex slave, or any character that turns you on
• The physical catharsis and excitement of being able to thrash about as much as one likes
• A change of pace from one’s usual sexual routine or play style
• You can appreciate the beauty of the bound body or allow your own body to be exhibited as you’re bound
• The intimate pleasure of giving or taking control with someone you feel a deep connection to
• Immersion in deep trust and emotional intimacy
• Pleasure in the sensations of rope, leather, or other bondage gear on the skin
• Expression of sensual creativity
• Bondage positions and equipment that touch or bind against erogenous zones just perfectly, increasing turn-ons and intensifying orgasms
What other reasons you can think of? Knowing the root of your bondage pleasure will also help you select the right equipment and technique. Why struggle with a truckload of exotic toys if all you need is a blindfold?
BONDAGE BASICS
Regardless of the type of bondage play you want to explore, there are some basic preparations that you have to consider first. Think of it as your preflight checklist.
Talk with your lover and make sure you’re both into giving it a try. Even if your sweetie likes surprises, just springing bondage on them mid-sex can be disastrous. Discuss what each of you wants to try; make sure that you’re clear about your desires and where your limits are. No need to make it sound like some boring legal arbitration, make it a flirty, dirty hot talk!
If you’ve never chatted about this—give the conversation time. Your partner might have hesitations and concerns. Hear them out and compassionately address their concerns. Remember that it can be intimidating to try a new and taboo sexual activity. Remind them that this is about fun and pleasure.
Decide who’s going to be the one binding (usually called the top), and who’s going to be bound (the bottom).
Agree on a safeword or safe signal. Having one is especially important if you’re playing fantasy role-play sex games. Sometimes it’s fun to play at saying “No!” but your partner will feel more confident in the games when they know what the real “NO” sounds like. Tops also get to use a safeword if they don’t feel comfortable with what’s going on. Once you set a safeword or safe signal, respect it and abide by it. Solid trust is the foundation of fabulous bondage.
Sometimes things don’t go the way you planned and the bondage needs to get undone quickly. Sometimes your plans for smooth unbinding go awry. Sometimes equipment fails. Have your “oops tools,” or contingency tools available. Emergency medical shears, which have rounded tips and cut easily through a variety of materials, are an essential part of your bondage toolkit. You may often hear them referred to as EMT (emergency medical technician) shears, and they’re available in most drugstores. They are great for rope, leather, cloth, tape, rubber, and other materials.