Slowly begin to walk your partner around the room, leading them with the leash. As you lead them, go more completely into the active role. What is demanded from you in this role? Your partner is blindfolded and their hands are tied. This makes you completely responsible for their physical and emotional safety. What energetic techniques can you bring into play to make you as conscious as possible in this moment?
Receptive partner: With each breath, give over a little more control to your active partner. Observe your feelings, as if from a distance. Are you feeling fear? Relief? Resistance? Peace? Although your partner may have established initial control by insisting you match your breath to theirs, as you move into the exercise, experiment with your breath until you find one that helps you move more deeply into receptivity. Remember, a receptive partner is not a passive partner. You are not giving up, giving in, or doing nothing. Rather, you are striving to open up and become more mindful. In this receptive state you are open not only to a more intimate connection with your partner, but to a more intimate connection to yourself, to your surroundings and to all-that-is.
For purposes of this exercise, I strongly suggest you switch roles. You may be involved in a D/s relationship where switching just isn’t part of your play. However, that doesn’t have to prevent you from experimenting with active and receptive. My friend and colleague Raven Kaldera and his full-time slave, Joshua, figured out a way to experience both active and receptive roles. As Raven described it: “When I was leading Joshua, he was doing what I wanted him to do; when Joshua was leading me, he was doing what he knew I would want him to do.”
Now let’s experiment with combining power exchange with Tantric positions designed for sexual energy exchange. In order to do this part of the exercise, you’ll need to know one energizing breath and one Tantric position. Here’s the breath. I call it the Heart Breath:
1. Yawn. Feel how the yawn opens the back of your throat and stretches out your whole mouth and face? That’s the feeling of openness you want when you do the Heart Breath.
2. Breathe. Let your mouth fall open slightly. Relax your jaw and face, open the back of your throat, and breathe in through your mouth, gently but fully.
3. Exhale. Don’t push the breath out; just let it fall out with a gentle little sigh, ahhh.
4. Take in as much air as you can, as effortlessly as you can, then let it go.
5. Keep breathing. That’s all there is to it. You can do the Heart Breath as slowly or as intensely as you like.
Now the position. It is called Yab Yum, and it’s the classic Tantric sex position. One partner sits in an easy cross-legged posture, with a cushion under their tailbone. The other partner sits in their lap, facing them, with legs wrapped around their waist and the soles of the feet touching. Both partners place their right hand at the back of their partner’s neck and their left hand on their partner’s tailbone. Yab Yum can be done with or without penetration. For purposes of this exercise, we’ll do it without penetration, so you can keep your focus on the power exchange. In Yab Yum you are perfectly aligned with your partner, energetically. You can gaze into your partner’s eyes. You can kiss. Or, touch your foreheads together, third eye to third eye. You can draw energy up your partner’s spine, from the tailbone to the neck. As you get more and more turned on and active, you can rock back and forth passionately.
Now you’re ready to begin part two of the exercise.
Active partner: Lead your partner over to a soft and comfortable but firm and supported place. Beds are generally too soft. Try some soft pillows placed on the floor. Remove the wrist restraints.
Both partners: You are going to begin with an even power exchange, then move into active and receptive roles.
Sit facing your partner in an easy cross-legged position. (If this is difficult for you, arrange some pillows on the floor or sit with your legs in some other more comfortable position.) Place your right hand over your partner’s heart. Then place your left hand over your partner’s hand, which is on your heart. Breathe together using the Heart Breath and look into each other’s eyes. Allow a sigh or ahhh to come out every four or five breaths or so. Begin to rock back and forth, focusing on an evenly balanced exchange of energy. Neither of you is intentionally active or receptive. As the rocking becomes faster and more intense, take your hands off each other’s hearts and hold them together between you in a prayer position, joining all four hands between you. As you rock, move your joined hands in circles—sending energy up the front of your body and down the front of your partner’s. Then reverse, sending energy up the front of your partner’s body and down the front of yours.
Now, move into Yab Yum. The receptive partner sits in the lap of the active partner. You can breathe with foreheads touching, still eye-gazing, as the active partner begins to rock back and forth. Breathe together with the intention of going completely and totally into active and completely and totally into receptive.
A variation on this is to tie a (strong) sarong, knotted in the front at the breastbone, on the receptive partner. This gives the active partner a “handle” at the heart chakra. The active partner can “throw” the receptive partner away from them, then pull them back in, building intense energy between the two of you. (Warning: If you choose this variation make sure that the receptive partner’s neck and back are flexible enough to withstand the throw. Whiplash is seldom sexy.)
Be aware that odd things can happen during this exercise. The active partner may feel as if they have grown an energetic cock. The receptive partner may feel as if they are being fucked by that cock. Faces can appear to change. You may feel as if you are flying. You may see visions. You may simply enjoy the physical sensation of being thrown about by your partner. You will find your own authentic ecstasy by simple conscious experience of this exercise.
When you have landed safely back on earth, take a moment to analyze the results of your experiment. How did things change when you consciously moved from a balanced power exchange into active and receptive roles? What was that like for you? What was easy? What was hard? Was this type of power exchange different from the ways in which you may have played with power before? As you share the answers to these questions with your partner you will be well on your way to creating your own personalized style of power sharing.
CONSCIOUS SEX
Now that you’ve had a taste of conscious active and receptive power exchange, let’s add conscious sex. Some people get so high off the exchange of power and sexual energy that genital sex becomes irrelevant or redundant. They may intentionally avoid genital orgasm to prolong the ride. However, in addition to feeling wonderful and just being fabulous fun, sex is an important energy builder in its own right. How you combine power exchange and sex is completely up to you. In the Yab Yum position, you can use a penis, a dildo, a double dildo or an anal plug for vaginal or anal penetration. Whether your cock is anatomical or strap-on, the combination of the power exchange, the rocking, and the penetration will exponentially intensify all sensations. Vary the speed of your fucking. Fuck really hard and fast. Then just stop. Do nothing. Let the energy run through you for as long as it can. Maintain your active/receptive power exchange even when you are perfectly still. Then fuck really fast again. You can do a variation on this from the rear. In this position, you can play with your partner’s clitoris or cock as you fuck.