But anal fisting is also one of the most potentially dangerous things a bottom can ask a top to do. There is no room here for getting it almost right. You need to be able to demand perfection of yourself and your partner. Ironically and paradoxically, before you can pig out, you have to have acquired a sort of exotic discipline that never lets up. Nine-tenths of fisting has nothing to do with the act itself, but with the preparation. Something that may look depraved and even brutal is actually as formal as any high holy day ritual. Are you washed in the blood of the lamb? Try some Crisco instead. Because we don’t want any blood here, or even any pain.
Handballing is, on one level, just another form of fucking. Penetration given and received is about as vanilla as it gets. This is why some who fly the red hanky feel that their fetish has little or nothing to do with BDSM. Being around people who are getting noisily spanked and whipped and are screaming to the rhythm of the cane can be too distracting for some degenerates who enjoy heavy anal play. They prefer to keep these activities away from leathersex. If they are going to play in a group, it will be a group of other handballers, with the appropriate background music: a lot of bass, and the moans and groans of others whose asses are being judiciously tormented.
In fact, the notorious San Francisco fisting club The Catacombs was founded by Steve McEachern in part because his brothers in the Fist Fuckers of America (FFA) objected to his love of bondage, flagellation, and other kinkiness. If pain turns you on, a pair of nipple clamps or a slap or 12 on the butt might be the foreplay you need to open up and take it good. In my opinion, that’s more about how the individual is wired than any kind of moral claim that one sort of sex might have to being better than another.
But making a distinction is still useful because of what is required to do fisting safely. In some ways, I would rather do handballing with an individual who is not a masochist, because they are more likely to understand that I don’t want them putting up with any anal or rectal pain. I’m sadistic as hell, but this is one sex act that I want to take place with as little discomfort as possible. Outright pain is a sign that something is going very wrong! Things never ought to get to that point. But a compliant bottom who is grooving on getting hurt can keep his or her mouth shut until injury may occur. Which is my worst nightmare.
Anal fisting is near the end of the line in a long series of warm-up acts of sodomy. The first time somebody rubs a little spit on the outside of your asshole and you feel yourself shiver, who knows if that’s where you are headed? Because there’s no wrong or right place to go with a love of anal sex; rimming is no more or less wonderful than sitting on a dildo that’s 12 inches around. The point with all forms of sex is to make each other feel good. If all you like is vanilla, there’s no point to engaging in other acts just to make yourself look cool. Within the realm of what we sometimes dismiss as vanilla is enough wisdom and sensuality to confound the angels. There’s good information about anal sex technique in books devoted to the subject, so I will just add a couple of my personal parameters. The first and most important is, you will enjoy anal sex a lot more if you can make a contract with your butt that you will never allow it to be hurt. You don’t have to get fucked in a hurry to prove that you are worthwhile or fun. Slow the fuck down and relish what you are doing.
The same dictum goes for tops. Knowing how to handball is based on a bunch of Assplay 101 seminars. You need to have sensitive hands that can tell when that little muscle is aching to be opened up, and when it’s just aching. The strong muscles in your forearm are meant to keep the ride going for a long time—not to bully your way past some imaginary doorkeeper. I like to tell the bottom that what we are doing is teasing their asshole and making it so hungry that it’s going to start sucking things up, opening up and drawing what it craves into itself. I am just going to hold still and let him or her show me how much they need. (Of course this is a lie; I can’t really hold still for very long. Even if I got my ADHD meds.) But there are many motions that arouse the anus other than simple thrusting. Stroking, vibrating, and tickling, plus smoothing out the big muscles around the opening—these are all helpful to aid relaxation, dilation, arousal, and release.
PREPARATION
Preparation for a fisting scene begins about 48 hours before the date. This is because most fisters want the rectum and colon to be cleaned out before play begins. Going on a diet of soft foods or liquids that pass quickly through your body is step one. Six to eight hours before the date itself, you can start with a series of enemas that will keep your bowel free from obstruction. Use tepid water. Water that is too cold will cause cramping, and you don’t want water that is too hot, for obvious reasons. Many fisters get tired of filling up and emptying those bags you buy at the drugstore, and have a hose installed on their shower. A nozzle should ideally be used by one person only. If it has to be shared, soak it in a 10% bleach solution, but be aware that this may not kill hepatitis B or C. Using the hoses at a club is a recipe for getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI), so don’t do it. If you are a visitor from out of town, resign yourself to buying an enema bag at a local pharmacy and using it repeatedly.
How long does it take to clean out? This varies so much from one individual to another that I don’t know how to answer this question. Your diet as well as your anatomy and the level of control you have over it are important factors. Some are lucky enough to be able to take water in and eliminate it smoothly. Others needs to wait around, read the newspaper, take a walk, etc., before the water will drop. Getting rid of all the water is as important as getting rid of all the poo. It’s considered extremely rude to hit your top in the face with a wave of unclean aqua. Give yourself enough time to feel really prepared. Rushing it will just make douching, as it’s known, feel uncomfortable. Creating a lot of cramping with hasty enemas may make it harder for your butt to relax during handballing.
Douching is necessary for three reasons. One: Most of the people who like ass play do not, oddly enough, like shit. Two: Even a partially full bowel can cause contractions that make penetration painful. Three: Feces with a gritty texture should not be ground against the delicate lining of your rectum and lower bowel. People who enjoy scat have their own sets of techniques, mores, and safety precautions that are beyond the scope of this article.
The top also ought to spend a similar amount of time in preparation. Do some yoga, meditate, journal, do what you need to do to put yourself in a good frame of mind, with lots of energy. Don’t show up with a cold or a rotten attitude. You will be using your body just as much as your partner uses theirs, so pay attention to your own well-being. Eat some protein before you play so you don’t get a big crash in your blood sugar. Groom your hands. Remove every sharp cuticle and trace of fingernail. Do this even if you are going to be wearing gloves! The lining of the rectum is not very thick; puncturing it can have dire consequences in terms of infection and bleeding. So if the tip of your glove breaks, for any reason, make sure that there is nothing abrasive on your fingertip that can cause harm. This also alters your hands and turns them into sexual symbols with the potency of genitals.