Talking can be a way to take control of the bottom’s internal experience. By tweaking his or her emotions, you can also make their body give sway. Fisting can have dozens of different meanings in the context of the relationship between top and bottom. It is the top’s job to identify, name, and sell that meaning. “You’re doing this because you belong to me. It’s the ultimate way of giving me ownership over your body.” “I want to get you higher than you’ve ever been before. You know that nobody can make you feel the way that I can make you feel.” “You’re a dirty little piggy. You can never get enough. Now everybody is going to know what an utter whore you are. See how much you need this?” “I’m touching you because I love you. Every time I push into your body, I’m pushing my love into you. And when you respond and give me what I want, I know that you love me too, because that energy hits me right in the heart. Feel that? Feel how much I love you?”
Remember that there are two bodies present. You can take a break and get sucked off, sixty-nine, do some bondage and flagellation, put on a hood or blindfold, trade back rubs, masturbate, or do anything else you both enjoy. I do not recommend doing play piercing or any other play that breaks the skin during fisting. Sweat and lubricant will be flying everywhere, carrying little travelers, and you don’t want butt germs to enter the bloodstream.
As the butthole opens up, the top will feel some tension around the largest part of the hand. It takes experience to know when you should ignore it and go forward or wait for more dilation. The bottom’s opinion ought to prevail. Use your fingertips to stroke the tissue inside the opening. Keep your hand pointed, folded up as small as possible, with the thumb tucked into the palm. You may approach this point of tension, back off, then work up to it again several times before you slide inside. Use your breaks to drink some water and make out. (Please don’t tell me you are going to turn someone into your sock puppet but you won’t kiss them!) When someone is learning how to get fisted, they may play without being completely penetrated for quite a while before their body learns to trust that these strange sensations are okay, and relaxes. Remember your prime directive: The Asshole Must Feel No Pain!
If you are lucky enough to be admitted, let the shape of the bowel direct the curve of your hand and wrist. Fisting is safest when you don’t go any deeper than your wrist. Just sit where you are for a while, and let the bottom’s body settle down. They may shake all over, cry out, and even cry. It’s intense. You are in a very sensitive area, so you don’t have to do a lot to create a big reaction. When you do start to move, keep it small. Make little circles. Gently open your hand a fraction of an inch, then close it again. Wiggle your fingertips. See what the response is to each of these gestures. If a prostate is available, a little extra pressure in that area can be sexy. But few men enjoy having the prostate hammered, so don’t overdo it.
If there is enough wiggle room, get the fingertips of your other hand into heaven. This can help to introduce more lubricant. Also, some people enjoy a slow in-and-out in which you trade hands, one slipping past the other. Rotating your hand from side to side can also feel good. Eventually, you may be able to use the traditional in-and-out motion with one hand.
Having something that big inside your body usually changes the sexual response cycle. For example, guys may not get erections even if they feel very excited. Sometimes stimulating the penis or clitoris or vagina can help open the butthole up. But sometimes these sensations are too much, and don’t have the desired effect. This can change from session to session. Often, people wind up focusing on the rush they are getting from the anal play. If they have a genital orgasm, it may come at the very end of the play. Fisting can sometimes make people piss. Get your next trick towel out, mop up, and proceed apace. It’s a way of letting go, expanding emotional horizons, and releasing inhibitions. It can also feel grand. Don’t make people wrong for an experience they can’t prevent. Go with the flow. Literally.
From time to time, it is normal for the stimulated bowel to generate waves of contractions. Small ones can be ignored. Just hold still until it’s over. But if you feel your hand being pushed out, let the body do what it needs to do. The feeling of having the hand expelled can be as pleasurable as being filled up. The anus is stretched no matter what direction you are going in. Engage in another activity or take a break until the bottom feels ready to get plugged again.
The bottom’s physical challenge in a fisting scene is obvious. The top is also running a marathon, and perhaps those challenges need to be explained. The top will be putting out a lot of emotional energy through minute concentration and attention to detail. This is a lot of responsibility, and that affects an ethical person. It’s also a huge ego rush. The top will probably be in uncomfortable positions for extended periods of time. If your nose itches or you have sweat in your eyes, your hands may not be clean enough to safely address the problem. (Have a clean bandana with the towels.) Your hand or arms can fall asleep. Your back can hurt. You may feel sleepy or get bored. Let’s acknowledge that you are touching somebody else a lot, and for most of that time, no one is touching you, so you can experience alienation from your own body. The experienced fisting top learns how to minutely adjust position so blood can flow back into the feet or arms. With practice comes greater stamina.
You also learn when a cry for mercy actually means “I need just a little more to be able to get off”; when to call the opening in question a pussy or start narrating a fantasy about giving birth; when to shut the fuck up; and how to bring somebody down from the heights.
The orgasm is a marker for the end of a vanilla sex scene. Given the altered nature of the body during fisting, there may not be a single big explosion. Nevertheless, you can’t do this forever, although it may sometimes feel as if you have created the perfect perpetual motion machine, a piston drilling for oil distilled from the Shadow itself. Sometimes the bottom will sense that they are through and signal that they need to stop. Sometimes the top needs to decide they can’t continue, and inform the bottom that they are running out of steam and need to start coming back down to earth.
The process of extracting your hand can sometimes take as long as getting in. This isn’t common, but you need to be aware that you don’t just yank your hand out, wipe it off, and point the way to your door. Use the index finger of your other hand to open the asshole a bit, in case a seal has developed. You’ll feel a release of air and can safely continue pulling back. Rotate your hand and verbally encourage the bottom to help you. Sometimes if they take a deep breath and gently bear down, you’ll be smoothly expelled.
There are other ways to do fisting than what I’ve described above. Some people enter the body past the wrist. There are also people who like punch-fucking, a rough and quick form of penetration. I am dubious about the safety of these activities. If you are going to do them, try to find an experienced person who understands the risks and can tell you how to minimize them. Where is the line between enough and too much? Every self-aware person has to confront that question and do their own experiments. My answer probably won’t fit everyone else.