FUCKING QUESTIONS
Lastly, there are some basic questions both bottoms and Tops will want to ask before any mindfuck. Two key questions come before all the others.
1. When you are masturbating while thinking about this fantasy, at what point do you come? The mindfuck need go no further than that point.
2. How real would be too real? Rape is a common fantasy and a good scene for a mindfuck. But how real can it be before it stops feeling like a scene and starts feeling like a real rape?
Here are some other questions you might ask, based on the kind of mindfuck you have in mind:
What’s the fear? (Some more or less universal ones are death, severe nonerotic pain, abandonment, loneliness, disappointment, failure.)
How can it be simulated?
How can you set the stage?
What is the sub expecting? Play to it or off it?
Where do you want it to start? Where do you want it to end?
What’s my fantasy? What specifics are key to me?
What about it turns me on?
What is behind this fantasy?
What do you want to accomplish?
How far are you willing to go?
What might go wrong?
Normally, if I were teaching this as a class, this is the point where I would take questions. Can’t really do that in an essay, so I’ll leave you with this kicker: I’ve lied to you six times in this essay. Not about the important stuff, but about me. Which parts are the lies? Think you know? Want to find out? Easy. Give me one hour—just one hour—with you, alone in a room. Deal?
Endnotes
RESOURCE GUIDE
Note: You can find a much more extensive version of this resource guide on the book’s website, UltimateGuideToKink.com.
Becoming a Slave, by Jack Rinella (Chicago: Rinella Editorial Services, 2005).
The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant /Submissive Lifestyle, by Jack Rinella (Los Angeles: Daedalus Publishing, 1992).
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria Brame and William Brame (New York: Villard, 1996).
Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment, by Hardy Haberman (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2001).
Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, edited by Mark Thompson (Los Angeles: Daedalus Publishing, 2004).
Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player, by Joseph Bean (Los Angeles: Daedalus Publishing, 1994).
The Marketplace (3rd ed.), by Laura Antoniou (Cambridge, MA: Circlet Press, 2010).
The Master’s Manuaclass="underline" A Handbook of Erotic Dominance, by Jack Rinella (Los Angeles: Daedalus Publishing, 1994).
Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual, by Christina Abernathey (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 1996).
The Mistress Manuaclass="underline" The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance, by Mistress Lorelei (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2000).
The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2001).
The New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2003).
Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships, by Jack Rinella (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2003).
Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond, by Lee Harrington (Lulu.com, 2010).
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Fairfield, CT: Mystic Rose Books, 1995).
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, by Midori (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2002).
Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples, by Patrick Califia (Berkeley: Cleis Press, 2002).
Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé, by Lee Harrington (Brooklyn, NY: Mystic Productions Press, 2007).
The Slave (3rd ed.), by Laura Antoniou (Cambridge, MA: Circlet Press, 2011).
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 1998).
The Toybag Guide to Age Play, by Lee Harrington (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2008).
The Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps, by Jack Rinella (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2004).
The Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship, by Midori (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2004).
The Toybag Guide to Playing with Taboo, by Mollena Williams (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2004).
Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage, by Two Knotty Boys (San Francisco: Green Candy Press, 2006).
Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, by Barbara Carrellas (Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts/Ten Speed Press, 2007).
When Someone You Love Is Kinky, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (Eugene, OR: Greenery Press, 2000).
Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage, directed by Tristan Taormino (Vivid-Ed, 2009).
Nina Hartley’s Guide Series. Nina Hartley hosts and Ernest Greene directs this DVD series covering domination, submission, bondage sex, spanking, and more (Adam and Eve, 2002–2008).
Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Rough Sex, directed by Tristan Taormino (Vivid-Ed, 2009).
The S/M Arts Collection: The Pain Game & Tie Me Up, hosted by Cleo Dubois (Academy of S/M Arts, 2002).
The SM Tech Educational Series. DVDs with accompanying short books, covering topics like flogging, spanking, bondage, and CBT and featuring educators Lolita Wolf, Joseph Bean, and Scott Smith (Nazca Plains Corporation, thenazcaplainscorp.com).
Carter-Johnson Library, leatherlibrary.org
Leather Archives & Museum, leatherarchives.org
Masters and slaves Together International (MAsT), mast.net
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, ncsfreedom.org
National Leather Association-International, nla-i.com
Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance, woodhullalliance.org
Note: Many of these organizations also hold annual events; see their websites for more information.
Adventures in Sexuality, Columbus, OH, adventuresinsexu-ality.org
Arizona Power Exchange, Phoenix, AZ, arizonapowerex-change.org
Black Rose, Washington, DC, br.org